Can't Fight These Feelings
by TVTime
Summary: It's not uncommon in literature, or even in life, for a gay guy to fall in love with his straight best friend. This story puts a spin on that. Nick is a straight guy who develops strong feelings for his gay best friend, Jeff. They want to be together, but is that even possible given Nick's orientation?
1. Chapter 1: First Impressions

**Can't Fight These Feelings**

**A/N: This was originally conceptualized as a one shot, but it significantly lengthened into a full-size, multi-chapter story. It will cover a long span of time, but I'll try to keep the pacing brisk without leaving out any key points. **

**Chapter 1 – First Impressions**

_~1999~_

Four-year-old Nick Duval sat cuddled in his dad's lap, his head resting against the man's shoulder as the credits rolled on a movie the family had just finished watching. Nick couldn't remember the name of the movie, but it was animated and it had featured a bunch of really cool dinosaurs.

"You want to watch _Will & Grace_?" Nick's mom, Sandra, inquired addressing Nick's dad. As she did so, she gently readjusted Nick's three-year-old sister, Maggie, who was napping in her lap. About fifteen minutes into the movie Nick had turned to see his sister's reaction to one of the scenes on screen and found her asleep. Nick had wanted to wake Maggie up so she wouldn't miss the movie, but his mom had shushed him and insisted he leave her alone.

"Sure, I could go for something with some live, human actors," Nick's dad, Ian, answered with a laugh as he reached around Nick to grab the remote control from the nearby table.

"I don't wanna watch that!" Nick whined, turning a pair of big, pleading brown eyes on his mom.

"Why not, baby?" Sandra asked. "It's funny."

"I don't get any of the jokes."

"Well that's okay, honey. They'll be funny when you're older," Nick's mom responded.

"I prolly won't 'member them anymore then," Nick remarked, as he folded his small arms and pouted. "And why does those mens spend so much time with those ladies if they isn't they wives?"

"Those guys are gay, buddy. That means that they don't want wives. They want husbands," Ian answered as he tilted Nick further back to look at him while he spoke.

"Well then they oughta just marry each other," Nick pointed out.

"But then the show would end," his mom answered.

"That's okay!" Nick told her, grinning. "Then we can watch more dinosaur movies. 'sides, Steven Harris says his mommy and daddy told him it was bad for boys to like each other like that."

"Well Steven Harris' family believes something different, buddy. But that's not true and I don't want you to think that, okay?" Ian stated as he traded glances with Nick's mom.

"Okay daddy, but who's right? You and mommy or Steven's mommy and daddy?"

"Umm," Ian faltered.

"We're right, dear, but people get upset when you tell them they're wrong, so we want you to be polite okay?" Sandra answered.

"Okay mommy...but what do I do if a boy ever likes me like that?" Nick asked.

"Well it depends on if you like him back or not," Ian answered. "If you do, then that's great and he can be your boyfriend. If not, then you should be really nice about it, but tell him you don't feel that way about him."

"Okay, I guess I can do that...Can I go my room now and watch SpongeBob 'cause I don't like this show?" Nick asked.

"Sure honey, that's fine," his mom answered, smiling at him.

"Can I have some cookies too?" Nick asked sweetly, knowing it was probably out of the question since he had already gotten to eat cookies for his afternoon snack.

"No, but you can have an apple," his dad answered.

"Aww shucks!" Nick exclaimed, dramatically making a sideways fist motion in disappointment and enjoying the way his parents giggled at his antics. He hopped off his dad's lap and left the room.

**-000-**

_~August, 2009~_

"Nick, don't pick that up by yourself!"

Nick rolled his eyes and glanced up to see his mom hurrying from the back of the SUV, where she had been unloading some of his suitcases, to the left-rear door where he was pulling out a large box of books. "Mom, I got it."

"No, you're going to hurt yourself, baby," Sandra insisted as she squeezed in next to him and grabbed one side of the box herself, trying to shoo his hands away. "We'll carry it together."

"Mom, I am _not_ walking into a brand new school with my _mother_ helping me carry a box," Nick insisted, mortified by the idea and trying to yank the box away from her. He was fourteen for goodness sake, not seven. When he had packed the night before it had made sense to get as many things as he could into as few boxes as possible. After all fewer boxes meant fewer trips back and forth, but logic aside, he did have to admit it wasn't going to be pleasant toting the heavy behemoth of books up to his new, third-story dorm room.

"Maggie, come and help your brother with this box," Sandra shouted to Nick's thirteen-year-old sister who had already picked up a couple of suitcases.

"You have gotta be kidding me," Nick said in unison with Maggie. He rolled his eyes and smirked at her, getting an amused shrug back in response.

"What? You said you wouldn't let me help you," Sandra said innocently.

"Oh yeah, but it'll look so much cooler carrying it with my little sister," Nick responded sarcastically, knowing his mother probably hadn't really intended to make Maggie carry half the box. He suspected that she still fully intended to do it herself though, so he tried to appeal to reason. "Besides lifting it with two people will just be harder, more...laborsome."

"That's not a word, Nickface," Maggie cut in, rolling her eyes and shaking her head at him. "You mean 'laborious' or 'cumbersome.'"

"Yeah, those," Nick agreed, nodding at his mom and once again trying to tug the box away.

"Nicholas James Duval, you are not starting classes at Dalton Academy with a hernia. So just-"

"Dad!" Maggie squealed.

Nick grinned and looked up in time to see his dad's car pulling into an open spot a few spaces down. His sister took off at a run so that she could hug the man as soon as he stepped out of the vehicle, but Nick instead hung back with his mom, carefully watching for her reaction. She caught his eye and gave him a smile, nodding toward his dad in silent encouragement to go ahead. With his guilt alleviated, Nick jogged over to join his sister in welcoming their dad.

"Come here, buddy!" Ian urged as soon as he'd finished embracing Maggie.

"Hey dad," Nick said casually, still not wanting to seem too excited to see the man in front of his mom. His parents' divorce had been finalized only two months earlier and it was still a period of adjustment for the fractured family. Nevertheless, inside Nick was thrilled to see his dad and hugged him tightly, only slightly worried about the possibility of being seen doing so by his new schoolmates.

"I'm so proud of you, Nick," Ian said as he released him, but kept one arm around his shoulders as they walked back toward the SUV. Nick felt a small glow in his chest at the praise, glad that he had pleased his dad. Ian continued, "but you're sure this is what you want for yourself right? I don't want you to feel like you have to come here just because I'm an alumni."

"It's 'alumnus' since you're just one person, dad," Maggie interjected, obviously pleased with herself for knowing the distinction.

"Thanks, honey," Ian answered, wrapping his other arm around the girl.

Nick rolled his eyes, annoyed by the pedantic streak his sister had developed in recent months. Maggie had begun to retreat into her books and schoolwork around the time their parents' marital problems had begun, but despite this observation, Nick didn't know what to do to actually help her. As he reflected on it more he decided that perhaps she didn't even necessarily need help. Nick himself had turned to music to deal with his feelings. At first he had just listened to various bands and explored different genres, but recently he had also begun singing more and more and was even trying to learn the guitar. With his own new hobby in mind, Nick reasoned that maybe reading was an okay outlet for his sister after all. He turned his attention back to his dad and remembered that he'd been asked a question.

"Yeah, I'm sure, dad. Dalton has a great glee club that I really wanna check out, plus it's just a good school in general."

Ian nodded and squeezed Nick's shoulder, seeming appeased by the response as they approached Nick's mom.

"Hi Sandy," Ian said softly. Nick watched as his dad let go of him and Maggie and awkwardly stepped forward to hug their mother.

"Hi Ian," Sandra replied as she returned the embrace and added a quick peck on his cheek. Nick wasn't sure how much of this display was for his and Maggie's benefit or how much they might actually have been pleased to see each other. Nick was well aware of the fact that his parents were going out of their way to get along in front of him and his sister. At first this charade had only made Nick angry because it felt like they were lying to him, pretending everything was okay when it wasn't. However, as time went on and he would occasionally overhear them arguing from another room, or bickering on the phone, he realized that was even more confusing and upsetting. It always made him feel like he had to figure out who was in the wrong. Then being angry at one of his parents would just make Nick feel guilty, confused, and angry all over again. Eventually he decided that, even though it might be selfish, he was okay with his mom and dad only fighting behind his and Maggie's backs. At least that way he didn't feel like he had to pick a side.

After they had gotten everything squared away regarding who would be carrying what to the dorm room – Nick agreed to compromise with his dad, each carrying the heaviest box for only half the distance – they set about actually moving Nick in. With four people helping, and the fairly minimal amount of things Nick had brought to begin with, it didn't take long. It even turned out that there was an elevator. Before he knew it Nick was standing in his new room saying goodbye to his family.

"Bye baby, I love you. Call me anytime, day or night, if you need anything," Sandra said as she squeezed him tightly.

"I will mom. I love you too." Nick answered as he hugged her back. He had noticed the slight trembling in her voice and knew that she was close to tears. Somehow that realization made his own chest start aching as the fact that he would actually be living somewhere without either of his parents nearby truly began to set in. It had been weird enough when he had spent weekends at his dad's new house, but at least then the man himself was familiar and comfortable to Nick. Sleeping somewhere new all alone was going to be quite strange indeed.

Nick reconsidered that assessment as he looked at the other, still-unoccupied, half of the room. He wouldn't be alone after all; he would have a roommate. That was both exciting and nerve-racking. Nick was outgoing and liked meeting new people, but what if he and his new roomie didn't have anything in common? What if the guy was just a big jerk? In addition to possible personality conflicts, Nick was also worried about privacy concerns. He wasn't really all that worried about changing in front of another guy, even though it was something he had never actually done before. Nick wasn't shy about his body and he figured that though he was short for his age, he was mostly developing normally. No, what really worried him was how he was going to get enough alone time to take care of a certain 'need' that had been getting stronger and been requiring more frequent attention in recent months.

"Bye Nickface," Maggie said, snapping him from his thoughts as she too embraced him.

"Goodbye Margaret," Nick responded, knowing that it annoyed her when people called her by her full first name.

"Nickkkk," Maggie whined, pulling back and pouting at him.

"I'll text you later," he said, getting a smile out of her. It bothered him slightly that their parents had gotten her a cell phone a few weeks earlier even though she was only thirteen when he himself hadn't gotten one until a few months earlier on his fourteenth birthday. However, he couldn't find it in his heart to complain since he knew how happy it had made her and also because he suspected that the gifts were a way for their parents to assuage their guilt. He had also gotten quite a bit of new stuff since they had announced their divorce, including the new guitar he was working on learning.

"Bye son, call me anytime too, okay? I love you," Ian said as he wrapped his arms around Nick and then ruffled his hair as he released him.

"Bye dad, I love you. Will do," Nick answered, as he shook his long, dark bangs back into place.

"I love you too, Maggie," Nick added as he let go of his dad and it occurred to him that his sister might feel left out since she was the only one he hadn't said it to.

"You too, Nickface," Maggie answered as she took their dad's hand and started yanking him toward the door. "Come on, dad, let's go get my stuff out of mom's car so we can leave."

Nick looked at his mom with concern. He had known all along that the plan was for Maggie to go home with their dad since it was his weekend to have her, but it had just occurred to Nick that this would be the first time since the divorce that his mother hadn't had either of her kids staying with her.

"I'm fine, baby," Sandra said with a smile as she leaned in to kiss Nick's cheek. "You just deal with getting settled in here, and don't worry about me."

It made Nick feel better when he noticed the guilty look his dad gave his mom. 'Call her tonight,' Nick mouthed discretely to his sister when his parents weren't looking. She nodded.

After his family had left Nick spent some time getting his things situated. Once he was done he decided to go through his iTunes library and see if he could select a song to audition with on Monday afternoon for Dalton's glee club. In truth he had already 'selected' more than a dozen songs over the last several weeks, but he kept second guessing his decisions and changing his mind. He knew that the 'Warblers,' as the school called the group, were a pretty big deal on campus and that he would need to pull out all the stops if he wanted to make the cut. He cursed his fledgling guitar talent for being inadequate to allow him to accompany himself, which he felt would have been much more impressive. As he was scanning his tracklist for the tenth time he heard the sound of a key clinking into the room's now-locked door.

"-no need to bring your winter clothes," a man's voice was saying as the door swung open. "They're just a waste of space."

"I like to have all my stuff, dad," a tall, blond teenager about Nick's age insisted as he walked into the room, his arms loaded with clothes. He smiled nervously when he saw Nick. Behind him entered the man who had been complaining about the boy's winter wardrobe. He looked like an older, heavier, balding version of his son, but in place of the anxious expression the young blond wore, he had a confident, mildly bored look. Trailing in last was a classically pretty woman, whom Nick couldn't help but look twice at despite her age. Like the boy, both adults were laden with piles of clothing.

"Hey," Nick said with a friendly grin and a small wave as he slid off his bed and stood up, eager to make a good impression. He stuck out his hand and addressed the blond. "I'm Nick Duval."

"Jeff Sterling," the blond answered quietly as he fumbled to hold his load with one arm so that he could take Nick's hand and give it a light squeeze. Nick noticed a small blush coloring Jeff's cheeks and chalked it up to shyness or perhaps awkwardness over the mound of garments he was still carrying.

"Mark Sterling, and this is my wife, Susan," the man said as he stepped around Jeff, deposited his own bundle on the unoccupied bed, and then extended his hand for Nick to shake.

"It's good to meet you," Nick said, still smiling as he made the acquaintance of each of the Sterling adults in turn. Once the general pleasantries were over Nick spoke again. "You need any help bringing stuff up, Jeff?"

Jeff nodded, not making eye contact with Nick. Instead his father spoke. "Thank you, Nick, that would be greatly appreciated. I'm afraid Jeff here doesn't know how to pack light. He brought everything but his baby blanket."

Another blush colored Jeff's cheeks and Nick couldn't help but notice that the comment had come off as rather critical as opposed to playfully teasing the way he would have expected.

"Well heck," Nick answered, mindful of his language in front of the adults. "I bet it gets chilly around here at night. Maybe he should have brought that too."

Jeff glanced up and smiled slightly in response, and for the first time Nick got a long enough look at his eyes to notice that they were brown.

"Well let's not stand around. The sooner we finish, the sooner we can be on our way," Mark declared

Nick followed the Sterling males out of the room while Mrs. Sterling remained behind to hang up Jeff's clothes.

"Honestly, how one teenage _guy_ can have so many clothes is beyond me," Jeff's father complained as they walked down the hallway. "I doubt if your mother will be able to find room for them. We'll probably have to take the damn things back with us."

Nick stole a sideways glance at Jeff to see how he was reacting. The blond was looking at the floor as he walked, his long bangs covered much of his face, but Nick could tell by his body language that he was uncomfortable.

"If you need extra closet space, Jeff, you can hang some stuff in my closet," Nick offered, clapping his new roommate on the shoulder. "I had some room left over."

"As well you should, son. Most normal guys would," Mark turned and glared at Jeff. "Hear that, Jeff? Nick had plenty of space leftover. I hope you think about the fact that you're only just moving in and _already_ inconveniencing your roommate by taking up space in his closet with your clutter."

"I don't mind," Nick insisted, patting Jeff's back and wishing he could figure out a way to just make Mr. Sterling shut up.

When they reached the parking lot Nick discovered that they had needed to take two cars to accommodate all of Jeff's things, a fact which Mark Sterling was quick to complain about. As Nick walked with Jeff back into the residence hall, he attempted to engage him in conversation.

"So, you from Westerville originally, Jeff?" Nick inquired as he leaned the box he was carrying against his hip so that he could open the door for them.

Jeff opened his mouth to answer, but before he got the chance his father walked past them and through the door Nick was bracing. "Nope, we're from the 'burbs around Cincinnati."

Jeff nodded and sighed quietly before following his father through the door. "Thanks," he mumbled at Nick as he walked past.

By the time they had finished unloading all of Jeff's things, Nick was frustrated and worn out. In addition to being tired from the work he had been doing, he still hadn't actually gotten much of a chance to get to know Jeff, which had been one of his main goals in the first place. Every time Nick tried to ask Jeff a question, his father would answer for him and then hijack the conversation. By the time the cars had been emptied, Nick knew quite a bit more about Mr. Sterling than he did about his new roommate. He had also only managed to learn that Jeff's mother's name was Susan and that she was a dental hygienist. He had tried to ask her what all she did on a typical day, but instead he had somehow ended up getting to hear a drawn out version of Mr. Sterling's philosophy on proper gum care. Of course Nick should have realized that as a business executive, Mr. Sterling was much better qualified to wax poetic about periodontics than his poor, ignorant wife who merely worked in the dental industry.

"Bye Jeff," Mr. Sterling said simply as they dropped off the last of Jeff's things. The man had managed to time things so that he had just long enough to finish regaling Nick with a story about his new desk chair at work.

"Bye son," Mrs. Sterling said, speaking for what must have been only the second or third time all afternoon, as she gave Jeff a hug and kissed his cheek.

"Don't embarrass the boy in front of his friend, Susan," Mr. Sterling chided as he waited impatiently by the door. "Come on, you'll see him soon enough. Honestly you'd think he was going off to war with all the fuss you're making."

Nick couldn't help but snicker slightly at the relieved look that crossed Jeff's face once his parents had left the room.

"You need help unpacking?" Nick asked, still smiling. As he looked around at the many boxes, bags, and suitcases, littering the room, he wondered if perhaps he should have simply posed his question as a statement instead.

"It's okay," Jeff answered quietly, avoiding eye contact with Nick as he searched for something in one of his suitcases.

"It's okay you want me to help or it's okay stay out of your stuff?" Nick asked for clarification, throwing in a chuckle at the end to indicate he wouldn't mind either way.

"It's u-up to you," Jeff answered, struggling to get the words out. Nick found himself wondering just how often Jeff did get a chance to speak for himself. His father was certainly a loudmouth, but surely Jeff was used to talking to people at school and in other social settings, even if he didn't get the opportunity at home.

"I'll help," Nick stated, giving Jeff another smile that went unnoticed thanks to his downcast eyes. Nick thought of a way to make Jeff look at him. "You want me to start with this box or that one," Nick asked, pointing but otherwise making no indication of which ones he meant.

To his dismay Jeff still didn't raise his eyes. Instead he just shrugged and mumbled something nearly inaudible that sounded like, "whichever."

"Eugh! This won't work," Nick exclaimed in a loud, frustrated voice as he threw himself down on his own bed.

Jeff's head snapped up, surprise and distress written all over his face. "I'm s-sorry. P-Please, don't change rooms."

Nick's expression softened and he found himself feeling guilty for his outburst. "I don't wanna change rooms. I just meant this shy business won't work. Come on, man, we _live_ together now. We gotta be able to talk to each other."

Jeff nodded but dropped his eyes back down to his lap again. "Okay...I guess I c-could use h-help unpacking." Nick watched as Jeff set his face in determination and forced himself to raise his head again and make eye contact. "That box, please," Jeff said in a tone much too serious for the circumstances as he pointed to a box near Nick's feet.

Nick wanted to laugh, but forced himself not to, so that he wouldn't embarrass his roommate or squelch the small amount of progress he had made.

"Sure thing," Nick responded, as he got up from his bed and hunched over the requested box.

While they unpacked Nick continued trying to draw Jeff into a conversation. At first all he got were quiet, one-word answers, but eventually he managed to get the blond to open up enough to discuss some of his interests. That was when Jeff shyly admitted that he planned to audition for the Warblers.

"Dude, that's awesome! I'm going to try out too," Nick declared, putting the book he was unpacking into Jeff's bookcase upside down due to his excitement. When he noticed Jeff looking past him at the shelf in distress he caught his mistake and flipped it over, simultaneously making a mental note that Jeff seemed to have a preference for being well-organized. If it had been Nick's bookcase he couldn't have cared less.

"Cool," Jeff answered, somehow managing to sound both enthusiastic and reserved at the same time. "What are you going to sing?"

Nick gave him a wide grin as he picked up another handful of books, delighted that Jeff was taking the initiative to ask him a question – and in a stutter-free voice at that!

"Not sure yet. I'm thinking maybe some Maroon 5 or some Justin Timberlake. What do you think, could I bring Sexy Back or what?"

Jeff gasped and fumbled with the stack of underwear he was loading into his chest-of-drawers, dropping half the briefs on the floor, and scrambling to pick them up. "Uh wow...yeah you could...I-I mean, sure I bet you'd s-sound good singing that."

"I just joking around, man. I know I don't exactly have sex appeal," Nick answered, amused by how flustered his roommate had gotten. "So what about you? Whatcha gonna do?"

"About what?" Jeff asked, looking up with wide eyes and his signature nervous blush.

"Your audition. What are you gonna sing?" Nick answered, hoping Jeff wouldn't always be so jumpy.

"Oh...my dad said I should do a country ballad."

"Really? You don't seem like the country type."

"I'm not, but he said it's the most...uh manly," Jeff answered with a shrug. "I don't think he really likes the idea of me singing too much."

Nick frowned. "Well you know if you don't sing something you can relate to that's gonna come across in your audition. Besides it's not like he's going to be watching." Nick suspected that Jeff's self-involved father had probably never bothered to watch anything that Jeff was doing. He pushed those thoughts aside and focused on encouraging his new friend instead. "You should do something you feel, Jeff. Whose your favorite band or singer?" Jeff shrugged again, obviously reluctant to answer so Nick gently prodded him. "Come on, you can tell me. No judgment, I promise."

"Well I like American Idol," Jeff said after a little while.

Nick could tell he was watching him carefully, trying to get a feel for his reaction. "Yeah, American Idol is good. I like it too."

"Well, you know...that guy?"

"Maybe, which one?" Nick asked, trying to keep from smirking.

"Ad-uh, David Cook," Jeff answered, nervously tearing open another box.

"Oh yeah, he's good," Nick answered, having already resolved to say something positive about whoever Jeff revealed. "I know a lot of people think it's lame, but I think American Idols has had some excellent artists."

Jeff hesitated for a moment, seemingly in deliberation. Finally he added, "I liked Adam Lambert too. He was really good," Jeff said with uncharacteristic enthusiasm, before worry creased his face. "Uh, you know, for a gay guy."

Nick considered the statement for a few seconds before responding. Obviously Jeff was uncomfortable talking about gays or saying anything positive about them. It irritated Nick at first, but then he realized that there was a good chance the sentiment came more from Jeff's father than from Jeff himself, and anyway, underlying the comment there did seem to be good intent.

"I know you didn't really mean anything bad by that, but you know it kinda sounds bad adding 'for a gay guy.' That's like saying 'she's really smart for a girl,' or 'he's really nice for a black guy.' There's no reason those things should impact whether someone is talented, smart, or nice, so you don't need to add it."

Nick watched as Jeff looked up from the box he was unpacking, an expression of surprise and anxiety etched across his face. "I'm so sorry, Nick. I...I didn't mean to offend you or say anything prejudiced."

"It's okay," Nick answered, giving Jeff a smile. "I know you didn't, and for the record I'm not gay, but I am against homophobia and discrimination in general. Besides, I happen to know that Dalton has a lot of gay people here and is pretty accepting overall. I just didn't want you to accidentally offend someone."

"That's really cool of you," Jeff answered, returning his attention to the items he was pulling out of the box. "Thanks."

As they finished putting everything away the boys continued discussing music and filling each other in on basic information about their lives. Jeff seemed a lot more relaxed now, and Nick discovered that he actually had a good sense of humor. He also learned that Jeff had a much older half-sister, named Robyn who lived in Washington state and owned a restaurant, as well as a younger brother named John who was about to start middle school.

"So you hungry?" Nick asked as he broke apart the last box and added it to the towering stack by the door. "Looks like we need to find a dumpster, and I was thinking we could check out our new dining hall."

"Sounds good," Jeff agreed as he picked up his keys from the desk.

"Great, I've pretty much been thinking non-stop about masturbation for like the last hour!" Nick declared, struggling to keep a straight face as he watched Jeff for his reaction.

Jeff's mouth dropped open and the keys slipped from his hand, clinking onto the floor by his feet, but going unnoticed as he blinked at Nick.

"Dude, you should see your face!" Nick exclaimed, as he burst into laughter. Jeff just stood there and stared at him like he had lost his mind, which only made it funnier to Nick. Eventually he was cackling so hard that he was gasping for breath and holding his stomach. "I know...I know what you're thinking," Nick said between chuckles. "But it has a second meaning."

"Um, what?" Jeff asked, a confused look on his face.

"Masturbation. It also means 'to chew.' So I was really just talking about eating, nothing sexual," Nick explained, grinning and sitting down on the edge of his bed to catch his breath.

"Uh Nick," Jeff said, a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah?" Nick asked, still giggling at the joke he had pulled.

"I think you mean 'mastiCAtion.' Masturbation really does only have the one meaning," Jeff explained, raising his hand to his mouth and giggling quietly behind it.

"Oh crap!" Nick declared in horror, as all the amusement drained away from his face. He immediately tried to mentally count all the people he had shared this amusing gem of information with, wondering just how embarrassed he should be. Suddenly he remembered its original source and frowned. "I think my sister punked me!"

"Come on, Nick, let's go. Now you've got me thinking about masticating," Jeff said as he picked up his keys and led Nick out of the room.

After they ate, Nick and Jeff returned to the room to gather up and dispose of their empty boxes. Then they spent a couple of hours exploring their new campus, and even met a few of their new schoolmates. When they got back to the room, they set to work figuring out what songs they would do for their Warbler auditions on Monday. With encouragement from Nick, Jeff decided to do "Whataya Want from Me" by Adam Lambert, while Nick himself chose "Wake Up Call" by Maroon 5.

After a couple of rounds each of practice, Nick stood up and stretched, then pulled out a change of clothes and his bag of toiletries. "Okay, I'm gonna go have shower."

"K," Jeff answered, his attention still focused on his computer.

A thought crossed Nick's mind. He remembered his anxiety earlier that day about privacy, and wondered if Jeff had similar concerns. Nick was determined to try to start things off on the right foot, and knew that it would be up to him to dispel any awkwardness.

"I'm probably gonna be in there at least fifteen or twenty minutes. You know, in case you get hungry."

"Hungry?" Jeff asked, looking up in confusion.

"Yeah, in case you get hungry and feel like masticating," Nick explained innocently with a wink. "You'll have plenty of time for a snack while I'm gone."

Jeff gaped at him, surprise battling embarrassment for dominion over his face. "Uhh..."

"I don't need to know, man. I'm just sayin'...if you're hungry." Nick shrugged and walked into the bathroom, not sniggering until after the door was closed.

Nick had enjoyed his first, unofficial day at Dalton, and he was already growing to really like Jeff. He was looking forward to getting to know his roommate better as the school year progressed.

**-000-**

**End Note: Please let me know what you thought of the first installment. Critiques, are most welcome, even if you hated it. Just please tell my _why._ **

**In the past I've always written fiction in the third person omniscient perspective or occasionally in first person, but I'm taking a stab at third person limited for this one. By the end of the story I want to be very deep inside Nick's head and I want readers to form a connection with him. However, my concern is that this might limit my ability to characterize Jeff and everyone else, so I'm very much looking forward to hearing what everyone thinks about the characterization.**

**I anticipate that Nick and Jeff will be in college or even graduated by the time it wraps up. There will definitely be sexual content as the story progresses.**


	2. Chapter 2: Getting To Know You

**Can't Fight These Feelings**

**A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and followed after the last chapter! It made my decision to continue the story an easy one. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.**

**Chapter 2 – Getting To Know You**

_~Late October, 2009~_

"Truth or dare, Nick?" Thad asked, sneering deviously.

It was late October of his freshman year at Dalton, and Nick had already formed a close bond with the rest of his Warbler teammates. On most weekends he went home to visit either his mom or his dad, plus of course his sister Maggie. However, this Saturday had been an exception and he had stayed on campus, as had his roommate Jeff, so that they could go to the Warblers' Halloween party.

Nick was having a great time, but he knew that he would have to tread carefully now. Thad was clearly eager to pay him back for earlier in the evening when Nick had made him admit that he'd had a wet dream in the last year. Everyone had had a good laugh at Thad's expense and it had gotten all the funnier when Thad's roommate, Wes, had exclaimed, 'so that's why you're always changing your sheets!' David had then interjected with, 'you need to just spank it before bed, man. Save yourself the laundry.'

Nick felt only a little bit guilty about embarrassing his friend. The Warblers were a very tight group and Nick knew that nothing done or revealed during the game would travel any further. In fact that was one of the house rules for all their parties. Nevertheless, 'secret' or not, Nick wasn't looking forward to answering what would undoubtedly be a very probing and very personal question from Thad. Thus he made his choice with a reasonable degree of confidence.

"Dare!" Nick answered, grinning and looking at Thad challengingly.

"I was hoping you would pick that," Thad answered darkly. "You have to make out with one of the other guys, and not me, for a full minute. Opened mouthed with tongues."

Nick gaped at Thad in surprise for a few seconds before narrowing his eyes on him and resolving to get even with him for this. A few moments later he cursed Thad again when it occurred to him that the perfect way to exact his revenge would indeed have been to choose Thad to make out with. It wasn't fair that his teammate had thought of that and added in the 'not me' clause.

"I really like this dare!" David declared leering playfully at Nick and licking his lips. "I'm happy to do you a solid, Nick, if you want to pick me."

The Warblers all laughed at their openly gay teammate's antics. Nick considered just going ahead and choosing David – at least that way someone would get to enjoy himself – but that notion filled Nick with anxiety. He had never kissed _anyone_ before, and though he liked David he didn't know him that well and it would have felt really weird. Plus David was obviously more experienced. What if Nick wasn't a very good kisser? He would be even more embarrassed, and he could just imagine David playfully teasing him in front of the others after the kiss was over.

"Pucker up, Jeffy boy!" Nick exclaimed with forced confidence as he turned and gave his roommate a suggestive look. He figured he might as well put on a show and not let Thad get to him.

"Ohh, get a load of that, guys. 'Jeffy boy!' I don't think this is going to be their first time doing this," David teased. The other guys soon joined in with catcalls and kissing noises.

Nick watched as panic gripped the shy blond and all the color drained away from his face. Almost instantly Nick regretted his decision. It wasn't right for him to put Jeff on the spot like this. He knew Jeff liked to try to stay under the radar at social gatherings. He would have picked someone more outgoing if he had thought about it beforehand. Jeff had simply been the person he knew and liked the best.

"Well what are you waiting for, Nick? Plant it on him!" Thad goaded as he held up his phone, showcasing the fact that he had already set the timer function to one minute and was ready.

Nick sighed and stood up on his knees, facing Jeff. He reached out, gently placing his hand on the underside of Jeff's jaw and tilting his face toward him. He could feel Jeff's pulse throbbing frantically in his neck and he knew that the boy was terrified. He tried to give him a reassuring look before slowly easing his face forward.

Jeff's eyes fluttered shut as Nick closed in on him. The final few inches of Nick's approach seemed to take three times as long as everything else, and Nick was left wondering if he really was moving so slowly or if it was just some perceived effect of his anxiety. As their lips at last connected, Nick was pleased to discover that he kind of liked the sensation. It was weird being so close to Jeff's face, but at least his mouth was soft. After a little while it occurred to Nick that he should probably close his eyes too.

"Tongue! Tongue!" Nick heard the other guys chanting, reminding Nick that he and Jeff were supposed to be full-on making out. He wasn't sure how long it had taken for their invocation to seep into his awareness, but he hoped that Thad had already started the timer. He probably hadn't.

Nick slowly opened his mouth and hesitantly ran his tongue along Jeff's closed lips, silently asking for admittance. A moment later his request had been approved and he felt a twinge of surprise as Jeff's tongue brushed against his own for the first time. Nick giggled to himself inside his head. Of course Jeff had a tongue too; its presence shouldn't have been unexpected. It felt odd, strong yet pliant, and incredibly warm and wet. Soon Nick's curiosity won out and he fully inserted himself into his roommate's mouth, first probing the rougher roof of his mouth and then sliding over his teeth and back down along his smooth inner cheek. Nick found himself pleased with the taste of Jeff's mouth. It was fresh and mildly minty. Nick's mind flickered to the image of Jeff brushing his teeth before they had left for the party. Suddenly Nick felt worried. He had brushed too, but since then he had been snacking on chips and soda. What if his breath tasted bad?

Those worries, and most other coherent thoughts, soon left Nick's consciousness, however, as Jeff's tongue pressed firmly against his own while Jeff similarly began examining Nick's oral recesses. Within a few seconds things had heated up and their tongues were crashing against each other in a playful bid for dominance. Nick was surprised at how assertively Jeff was behaving and he felt the boy's hand tangle into the front of his shirt, pulling him closer. At some point Jeff had also risen to his knees, and as Nick complied with his request for greater proximity their chests and hips pressed together in a firm, very pleasant way.

Nick raised his free hand to the other side of Jeff's face, so that he was now holding him firmly in place with both hands. Then Nick pivoted his head slightly to the side, eager to try kissing Jeff from a new angle. To his delight the move seemed to catch Jeff off guard and elicited a small whimper from him as Nick's teeth grazed lightly over Jeff's bottom lip. By this point Nick's mouth was watering and he swallowed, realizing an instant later that the fluid had probably been a mixture of his own and Jeff's saliva. To his surprise the thought only turned him on more and he felt himself sucking harder at Jeff's tongue.

"Time's up," Wes was saying as he tapped Nick's shoulder. "You guys can stop."

"I don't think they can!" Nick heard David declare, getting laughs from the other guys.

Reality finally set back in for Nick and he started to reluctantly pull away from Jeff. He was slightly amused when Jeff responded by leaning forward, trying to keep their mouths pressed together. He gently pushed back on Jeff's shoulders, hoping that no one else had noticed and that Jeff wouldn't be embarrassed.

"I guess we know who's going to be having a wet dream tonight," Thad jeered, smirking at Nick.

Nick just rolled his eyes and flipped him off.

The rest of the party passed uneventfully, but Nick was distressed by how quiet and withdrawn Jeff had been behaving since the kiss. He wouldn't look anyone in the eye and had reverted to his first-week-of-school behavior of merely shrugging, nodding, or shaking his head if he was asked a question. Nick had hoped that perhaps Jeff's reticence would be limited to just their other teammates. However, unfortunately as they walked back to their dorm room that night, and Nick essentially had a conversation with himself, he knew that this wasn't the case.

"Hey Jeff, can we talk?" Nick asked as soon as they had walked back into their room and closed the door.

Jeff shrugged and mumbled something softly. Nick wasn't sure exactly what he had said but he caught the word 'tired' and deduced that Jeff was trying to make up an excuse.

"Just for a minute then," Nick insisted, patting Jeff on the shoulder and sitting down next to him on Jeff's bed. He tried not to take it personally when Jeff automatically slid away from him and pressed himself against the wall. It would have been funny if it hadn't been so upsetting for Nick to watch.

"I'm really sorry I kissed you," Nick stated as he began his apology.

"Y-you are?" Jeff asked, briefly looking at Nick with a sad, hurt expression, before turning away again.

"Yeah, of course," Nick answered, desperate to get rid of the pain he saw on his friend's face. "I never meant to pressure you into doing something you didn't want to do. You should have said no, but I know that would have been awkward for you too. I really messed up, man. I'm so sorry."

"Okay," Jeff said quietly without looking at Nick.

Nick could tell that Jeff was struggling to keep his composure and he felt like the biggest jerk on the planet for doing this to his friend. He decided to take another tack and try letting Jeff know how important he was to him. "You know I picked you because you're my best friend right?"

"Really?" Jeff asked softly, the first hint of a smile playing on his lips despite the discomfort and sadness obviously still reigning.

"Absolutely man! I trust you the most and feel the most comfortable with you so you were the natural choice. But it was messed up of me to put my own comfort ahead of yours. I'm sorry I was being so selfish."

"You weren't," Jeff assured him, for the first time using his normal volume. "I-I understand. I'm sorry you had to kiss me at all."

Nick laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. "Well the kiss itself wasn't so bad. You're a really good kisser, dude."

"I am?" Jeff asked, clearly astonished by the remark and looking happy for the first time since the whole thing had happened.

Nick grinned and nodded as it finally dawned on him that at least part of Jeff's behavior had been due to feeling insecure about his performance. Nick felt stupid for not thinking to reassure him sooner. "Absolutely! To be completely honest I was kinda sorry when it ended. That was my first time kissing anyone."

"Mine too," Jeff confessed, relaxing his posture and turning to face Nick on the bed.

"Wow, I wouldn't have guessed that. You sure seemed like you knew what you were doing," Nick responded, still smiling widely at Jeff and feeling a huge sense of relief that the blond was acting normally again.

Nick was partly fibbing. Just based on his knowledge of Jeff's personal history he was pretty sure the boy had never had a girlfriend, and he certainly didn't seem like the kind of person who would randomly kiss someone. From that standpoint Nick wasn't surprised at all that it had been Jeff's first kiss. However, he was being truthful when he said that Jeff had done it like he knew what he was doing, and based on just the kiss itself, without taking anything else into consideration, Nick really wouldn't have guessed that it was Jeff's first time.

"You did too, it was really good!" Jeff answered enthusiastically, before his eyes widened and he bit his bottom lip as though it had betrayed him.

"Thanks, Jeff. That makes me feel good," Nick responded sincerely, hoping to quell any feelings of embarrassment on Jeff's part, and also genuinely delighted by the positive feedback.

Nick stood up and stretched, ready for a shower and a good night's rest. Before moving away from Jeff's bed, he smirked at him and decided to add a joke, hoping to further lighten the mood. "You want a quick good night kiss before I hop in the shower?"

"Uh..." Jeff looked at him with confusion written all over his face.

"I'm just teasing, man," Nick said, leaning down to clap his shoulder a couple more times.

**-000-**

_~December, 2009~_

"Hey Maggie, what's 'ex-fol-i-ate,' and do I want it to happen to my face?" Nick asked once his sister had answered the phone. As soon as the term had presented itself to him he had immediately called her. He figured a question about words _combined_ with a question about skin care couldn't get anymore up Maggie's alley.

"Hi Nick," she responded with a tone that clearly told him she was rolling her eyes. "Exfoliate means to scrub away the dead skin...so you tell me, do you want to walk around with deadface?"

"Hmm, does it work on breakouts are are zits still alive?"

"Having some complexion problems are we, oh brother mine?"

Nick furrowed his brow in confusion. He thought his sister hated talking about stuff like this. "Well if you must know, nope. All's clear and moving fine. I went right before I called you."

"Nick, that is _not_ what 'complexion' means," Maggie answered, disgust lacing her voice.

"I know," Nick answered shrugging on his end of the phone. "It's like the opposite, when everything's all blocked up, but I'm fine really. I just called to get your advice about face wash. I saw Jeff had this exfoliating stuff in his, and his skin always looks good, so I thought maybe I should get me some."

"I should get _myself_ some," Maggie answered.

"Oh good, then it must work if you want it too," Nick reasoned, glad that his decision had been reached. Then he thought about how sensitive girls often were about their appearances and decided to try to alleviate some of Maggie's concerns. "But don't worry, sis. You've got good skin."

"Thank you, Nick, and yes, get some," Maggie answered. She sounded exasperated for some reason. Nick found that completely confounding. After all, she was the one asking personal questions and whining about her skin.

"By the way, I think you should send me a picture of Jeff's face – just so that I can confirm his skin regimen is working properly you understand," Maggie added in a clinical voice before Nick heard her muffling a series of giggles.

"Maggie, quit perving on my roommate," Nick snapped. He knew she had a crush on Jeff. The two had met a few times when Maggie had accompanied one of their parents to pick Nick up for the weekend. Whenever she saw Jeff she flirted shamelessly with him. Nick was uncertain whether he was more worried about his sassy little sister getting hurt or more concerned about what she might do to his shy best friend, but either way it was an idea he hated on multiple levels.

"Oh come on, Nickface. He's cute! What's the point in having an older brother if I can't ensnare a few of his friends?"

"I don't know what that means, but don't do it to Jeff. It sounds kinda painful."

"Sometimes I wonder how we're even related."

"I love you too, Margaret."

**-000-**

_~January, 2010~_

It was a cold evening in the middle of January when Nick's dad showed up unexpectedly to his Dalton dorm room. It had been an ordinary enough day up until then. Nick and Jeff had both already finished their homework and they were relaxing, playing a game on Nick's Xbox.

"Damnit you suck, you stupid fucking giant shithead!" Jeff growled as the level boss defeated him. A moment later a blush crept up his cheeks and he turned to Nick with an innocent look on his face and mumbled, "Uh, I mean, 'darn, I died.'"

"You wanna play something else?" Nick asked, sniggering at how serious Jeff always got whenever he was trying to do anything, even something lighthearted like playing a video game.

"No way! I'm having fun!" Jeff answered, a glint in his eyes as he returned his attention to the screen. Nick knew that he really was enjoying himself too. Despite his roommate's occasional Turrets impersonation and general rage issues, Nick could tell from the casual way that Jeff was sprawled out across his bed and the relatively unguarded ways in which he was speaking and behaving that Jeff was truly and uncharacteristically relaxed and happy. It made Nick feel good to know his friend was at ease. He loved these types of nights, when they could both just be themselves and not stress about classes, or Warbler practice, or anything else.

"Fucking squash-faced, pistol fucking bastard shit sucker!...I mean 'oops.'"

Nick was laughing so hard at the colorful string of expletives, and the deadpan way in which Jeff had delivered them that he almost didn't hear the knock at their door.

"You want me to get it?" Jeff asked, pausing the game and looking over at Nick.

"Nah, it's not polite to swear at visitors, Jeffy. I better get it," Nick answered, still chuckling as he slid off his bed to answer the persistent knocking. He was mildly disappointed, but unsurprised, to notice Jeff sitting up, a tense posture already claiming its place across his shoulders.

"Dad!" Nick exclaimed, delighted by the man's unexpected presence. He threw his arms around him in greeting and then ushered him into the room. He found it only mildly unusual that his father had hugged him so tightly or lingered in the embrace for so long.

"Nick..." Ian said, speaking for the first time.

And that was when Nick knew that something was wrong. His dad never sounded so unhappy, never looked so worried.

"Oh my god, what is it?" Nick asked, a feeling of dread already pooling in the pit of his stomach. From the corner of his eye, Nick saw Jeff looking up in alarm, and on the periphery on his awareness he realized that Jeff had probably never seen or heard him looking this way either. It was a night of unpleasant firsts.

"Sit down please," Ian requested. To Nick's horror he realized that his dad's eyes were shining with tears, not yet spilled, but brimming precariously close to the edge of his eyelids.

Nick sunk down onto his bed, already feeling like he was on the verge of crying himself and frantic to know _why._

"Your mom and Maggie were in an accident," Ian said as he sat down next to Nick and put his arm around him.

Shock. Nick was shocked. That simply wasn't possible. It couldn't have been. A couple of minutes ago Nick had been playing a video game. His mom and sister had been fine then. They had to have been. There was no way Nick could have been doing something so mundane as killing time on his Xbox if his life had already come unglued in such a drastic and irrevocable way.

"Are they...?" Nick couldn't say it. It was wrong even thinking it. It hurt to breathe. He felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room, replaced with tiny, razor-sharp ice crystals.

"There going to pull through," Ian rushed to answer as he pulled Nick close. Nick let himself collapse against his dad, rested his head against the man's chest as he listened to the details. "But they don't know if your mom's going to walk again and Maggie hasn't woken up yet."

"What happened?" Nick asked in a feeble voice as he tried to make sense of what he was being told. _They were going to pull through._ That felt like the most important thing to focus on, but he couldn't stop the deafening chorus of _never walk again_ and _hasn't woken up _from pounding in his ears.

"They were going around a curve in the road. A car was stalled. There was nothing your mother could have done...after they crashed another car piled into the back of them."

Nick felt himself giving up on trying to retain his composure. He clung to his dad, crying freely, and feeling more afraid than he could ever remember feeling. For the first time ever, Nick felt glad that his parents had divorced. What if his father had been in the car too? How could he have heard news like this from anyone else? How could he have borne the weight of this happening to a third person he loved?

"It's going to be okay, buddy. I promise," Ian said as he squeezed Nick close and kissed the top of his head.

"Ya-you promise?" Nick asked between sobs, feeling a little bit better after hearing the vow. His dad had never broken a promise before.

"Yeah," Ian whispered, gently pushing Nick back enough to look him in the eyes. As Nick had expected he saw tears there, but he also saw truth. His dad continued. "Your mom is already awake and alert. The only damage is to her legs. And Maggie's coma is medically induced."

"Coma!" Nick shouted as another round of sobs hit. _Oh God! Maggie is in coma!_

"No, buddy it's okay. It's for her own good, but they think she's going to be fine when she wakes up, and she _will_ wake up," Ian insisted as he pulled Nick in for another hug and rubbed his back. "We need to go to the hospital though."

Nick nodded, but didn't move, just kept his eyes squeezed shut and his face buried against his dad's chest. He prayed that when he finally did reopen his eyes everything would be okay. His dad didn't rush him, but after a few minutes he stood up, gently pulling Nick to his feet with him.

"Let's go," Ian urged softly, squeezing the back of Nick's neck a few times as if to give him strength.

Nick gritted his teeth and opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was a blurry image of Jeff standing in the middle of the room looking as lost as Nick felt. He wore a panic-stricken expression. He was obviously desperate to help and clearly had no idea how. Nick moved away from his dad and took a few steps toward the upset blond. Jeff tentatively opened his arms and as soon as he did Nick lunged forward, collapsing into them, this time using Jeff's chest to cry into.

"I'm sorry, buddy, but we really do need to go," his dad reminded him, tapping his back as Jeff continued to embrace him.

Nick looked up at Jeff's face and saw the fear and depth of concern that he was experiencing. Something about that made Nick feel better. It hurt knowing that his mom and sister were in such bad shape, but he felt a little bit better knowing that he still had two people right there in the room with him that cared as much as Jeff and his dad. He felt like with them by his side he could face this. But he would need them both.

"Will you come?" Nick pleaded as he looked into Jeff's sad, brown eyes. He watched as they briefly glanced past him to his dad, apparently in consultation, but almost immediately they were regarding him with a soft intensity again.

"Of course," Jeff answered as he pulled Nick in for another hug and took his hand as the embrace ended.

Nick responded by squeezing his friend's fingers in gratitude and then seeking out his dad's palm with his free hand, and though Nick felt all of about six years old as the other two led him out of the room and to the parking lot, he didn't care. All that mattered was going to see about Maggie and his mom, and Nick would take all the comfort and support Jeff and his dad had to offer.

**-000-**

"And then I said to Jacob...'don't worry, Jake. Someday I'll have a baby you can creep on, and then everything will magically be okay between us, your pack, and all the vampires.'"

Nick snickered as irritation strained his sister's face in response to his version of the story.

"I must have had an even worse concussion than they thought. I don't remember that part at all."

"Oh yep, it's right here. Right above the part where Alice tells Bella that girls who make their brothers read lame vampire love stories to them are the evilest of all creatures."

"You better behave, Nickface, or I'll tell Jeff exactly how you reacted when you saw the first _Twilight_ movie," Maggie warned, a mischievous grin lighting up her bruised face.

Nick sighed and turned to his friend who was sitting in the corner of the room, watching their conversation with obvious amusement.

"Jeff, I cried at the end of the first movie," Nick stated matter-of-factly. Jeff had seen him cry quite a bit over the past few days, so it didn't feel like a particularly monumental revelation, and indeed Jeff only breathed out a small laugh and nodded in response.

Nick turned his attention back to Maggie, a smug look on his face. "There, threat neutralized. Jeff's watched plenty of movies with me. He knows I get choked up easy. What else ya got, sis?"

In the past Nick had usually tried to hide his reaction to emotional scenes in movies, but he suspected that Jeff had probably still noticed anyway. So his statement to Maggie was still technically true. Mostly though he just didn't want Maggie to know how affected he had been by the accident. It was better to let her think that Jeff had simply seen him crying during movies than that Jeff had held him while he cried because he was terrified that he might lose her or their mom.

"Oh you're no fun, Nickface," Maggie pouted, crossing her arms. "But come on, keep reading. It gives me a headache if I read for too long," Maggie reminded him, clearly trying to play on his sympathy.

"You've read this book like a million times," Nick pointed out. He hadn't minded reading to her yesterday or most of the morning. He had been happy to do it actually, but now his throat was tired and he was bored with all these wimpy, sparkling vampires that his sister was totally fangirling over.

"Nope, only five times," Maggie corrected.

"We're done," Nick declared, snapping the book shut and rising to his feet.

"Well maybe Jeff'll read to me," Maggie said innocently shooting Jeff a pleading look.

Nick watched as his best friend's resolve quickly wavered and he gave a small shrug before crossing the room to take the now-unoccupied seat by the bed. Nick resisted the urge to laugh out loud. For once he wasn't irritated by Maggie's flirtations with his blond friend. That didn't mean he wasn't going to give her a hard time though.

"Careful man, she wants to give you snails," Nick whispered ominously into his ear. He knew that wasn't the word Maggie had used, but 'snails' was funnier than whatever she had said.

"Jeff, whatever he told you, it isn't true," Maggie insisted, glaring at Nick.

"I didn't see how it possibly could have been," Jeff answered, smirking at Nick.

"Hey I warned you, dude," Nick answered, grinning at Jeff and then at his sister. He felt another wave of relief about how normally his sister was acting today. Except for the fact that they were hanging out in a hospital room and that she had some mild visible injuries, everything felt like it was back to normal.

Nick frowned slightly a few moments later as he thought about his mom's condition. She had needed emergency surgery to save her legs and she still had another round of surgery scheduled before they even began her physical therapy. Things wouldn't be getting back to normal for her anytime soon.

"I'm gonna go check on mom," Nick said, anxiety marring his previously cheerful countenance.

"Okay," Maggie said quietly, also growing more somber.

"You want me to come?" Jeff offered, already standing and giving Nick the strong, supportive look which had practically become his default expression over the past few days.

"Nah man, I wouldn't want to tear you away from your book," Nick answered, winking at his friend.

**-000-**

_~Early April, 2010~_

There was something really wonderful about _knowing_ something. About having all the pieces come together and realizing once and for all the way that something truly worked. Of discovering that what had seemed like the whole picture had really just been a small section of it. A tiny piece that fit together in the context of something much bigger and more complex. At least that was the way that Nick had felt when he realized that Jeff was gay.

It was the first week of April and by now there had been a hundred little moments that had gradually led Nick to his big epiphany. Perhaps it had been all the times that it felt like Jeff was holding something back, hiding the answer to a question Nick hadn't even thought to ask yet. Maybe it had been the vague, persistent sense that Jeff was always scared about something. That he was never completely relaxed, and that he always had at least some of his guards up.

Whatever the case, it had finally dawned on Nick that afternoon at lunch. He and Jeff had been sitting with the rest of the Warblers and, as it often did, the conversation had turned to sex. Several of the older guys started sharing their experiences, talking about the girls they had been with, and the various sexual experiences they'd had. Nick and the rest of the underclassman had listened eagerly, occasionally asking questions or saying what they would have done. After a little while, never one to be outdone, David had started discussing some of his own, gay, sexual experiences. Most of the guys had groaned or rolled their eyes, but Nick and a few of the other guys were curious enough about how stuff worked between two guys to keep from tuning him out. That was when Nick had noticed the way that Jeff was suddenly listening with rapt attention. It was in sharp contrast to the way he had been acting during the conversation about straight sex, when he had given only his cursory attention, participating, as he often did, just enough not to stand out. And just like that Nick had known; everything had finally come together.

There was no real surprise about it per se. Certainly no disappointment, or anger that Jeff hadn't confided in him. It was just a perfect moment of knowing. It felt like something to celebrate. Certainly it was gratifying to Nick to know this extra level of information about his best friend. He also hoped that it could remove the last of the distance between them, that once everything was out in the open he could know the real Jeff, free of insecurities and fear.

Nick hated emotional distance. It just didn't fit with the way he had been brought up. He understood that it was a natural part of most relationships, that he couldn't share everything completely with all of his classmates and the other people in his life. However, Jeff was different. Jeff was his _best friend_, and it felt like he was supposed to be able to share everything with him. Nick was practically bouncing up and down in gleeful anticipation as he walked into his dorm room that afternoon, intent on revealing his new-found knowledge to Jeff.

"Hey Jeff, I need to talk to you about something," Nick said as soon as he had stepped into the room and shut the door. Jeff's final class of the day was closer to their dormitory than Nick's so he was already sitting at his desk working on his homework.

"Sure what's up?" Jeff asked casually as he looked up from his algebra, giving Nick his full attention. That was one of the things Nick liked best about Jeff; he really paid attention to people when they talked to him. He never just went through the motions or pretended to be listening.

In Nick's head he imagined just declaring, _You're gay!_ and throwing his arms around the other guy. He resisted the urge because he knew that would make Jeff incredibly uncomfortable and probably scare the hell out of him. Instead Nick decided to preface his topic a bit.

"You know I'm okay with gay people right?" Nick asked, as he pulled the chair out from his own desk and moved it close to Jeff.

An uncomfortable look immediately gripped Jeff's face, but he nodded.

"Well anyway, I was just thinking that I'd want my friends to tell me if they were gay. Because you know, that's like a really big thing to keep to yourself, and that's gotta be really tough. So I'd hope that guys I was friends with, especially close friends with, would feel comfortable telling me. I mean, I'd keep it a secret and stuff until they were ready to come out, but at least then they wouldn't have to worry about pretending to be something they're not when they were around me."

Jeff was tapping his pencil nervously against his binder, a habit that Nick had observed in him shortly after they had started sharing the room. He knew that in that moment Jeff wanted to be anywhere but at his desk having this conversation. It was probably only an ingrained sense of social conduct that kept him from getting up and bolting out of the room.

Nick slowly reached out and placed his hand over Jeff's, stilling the pencil, and causing Jeff to look up at him with scared eyes.

"Jeff, are you gay?" Nick asked.

"Wh-why do you think that!?" Jeff asked, his voice breaking over the word 'think.'

Nick hopped off the chair and wrapped his arms around Jeff, deciding that now was as good a time as any to give him that hug. Besides, it was too upsetting seeing him look that frightened and not trying to comfort him.

"Don't worry, Jeffy," Nick assured him just above a whisper, using a nickname he rarely used, but had easily chosen for this occasion based on the affection it implied. "It's not like obvious or anything, and – wow, we've been living together all this time and I'm just now noticing. I can just tell 'cause we spend so much time together."

"I didn't say I was," Jeff insisted stiffly.

"But you are right?" Nick prompted, still holding him.

"I-I don't know," Jeff whispered back, shrugging and finally relaxing into Nick's embrace.

"You wanna make out again and see if that helps you figure it out?" Nick offered with a playful lilt.

"Are you serious?" Jeff demanded, pulling away in his seat and giving Nick an utterly confused look.

"Well I was kinda joking to lighten the mood, but yeah it's a real offer. I'm a little bi-curious and I had fun the last time we did it," Nick answered.

"How are you so calm about this?" Jeff demanded, a flurry of conflicting emotions playing themselves out across his face.

Nick thought about his answer carefully before responding. When he did answer he made sure to look Jeff in the eye.

"You're my best friend, Jeff. It's not scary at all. I completely trust you. And also it's way past time that I said this to you directly, but I love you, like a lot. I shoulda said it months ago."

Jeff stood up and pulled Nick against his body, hugging him tightly. "I love you too."

**-000-**

**End Note: Please let me know what you thought!**


	3. Chapter 3: If I Had You

**Can't Fight These Feelings**

**A/N: Here's the next chapter. Thanks so much to everyone who has been reading, reviewing, PM-ing, etc. I really appreciate it!**

**Chapter 3 – If I Had You**

_~Early June, 2010~_

"John, tell Nick about that game you played against Riverbrook," Mark Sterling instructed his younger son, his voice dripping with paternal pride.

Nick resisted the urge to sigh in exasperation. Instead he politely turned his attention to the excited boy in the backseat, resigning himself to listening to yet another story about the kid's middle school football adventures. It was early June and Jeff had invited Nick to join his family for their vacation to Florida's beaches. The Sterlings went every year around this time to take advantage of a condominium timeshare that they were involved in near Panama City. Nick appreciated being asked along on the summer respite with his best friend, but after three very long hours in the minivan listening to Mark Sterling and his younger son monopolize the conversation, Nick was more than ready for them to reach their destination.

The oldest and youngest Sterling males seemed to have their routine down to a fine art. Jeff's father would talk nonstop about anything and everything that popped into his head. Then when he finally needed to stop long enough to catch his breath, he passed the conversational torch to John who would then happily ramble about the monotonies of his own life ad nauseam. Nick didn't doubt that Jeff's father and brother would have been running their mouths regardless of his presence, but it seemed that as an outsider Nick had by default become their primary audience. That meant that though Jeff and his mother had the relative luxury of tuning them out, Nick was expected to interject appropriate exclamations and questions.

"So anyway then Doug fumbled – see I told ya he would be a joke as a running back – but I grabbed the ball before the other guys could get it," John finished smugly.

"Way to go, John!" Nick exclaimed with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

John was in every way unlike Jeff. While Jeff had inherited their father's lighter locks, John had gotten their mother's darker tresses. Jeff was tall and lean while his brother was short and solid for his age. Jeff was shy; John was brash. One of Jeff's most endearing traits was his thoughtful, considerate nature. His brother on the other hand struck Nick as exceptionally self-involved. The nearly perfect set of opposite traits left Nick wondering whether the brothers had anything in common besides their parents.

"Can you believe what quick reflexes he has?!" Mark shouted abruptly. The outcry seemed to startle Jeff's mother, but after she determined that the man wasn't actually speaking to her, she returned her attention to the magazine she was reading.

"Yeah that's really something," Nick answered dutifully as he stole a glance at Jeff who was sitting in the seat next to him. Jeff looked unhappy about something.

"He's certainly much more coordinated than his brother," Mark added snidely a moment later, as if clarifying the reason for Jeff's glumness. Apparently Jeff had anticipated this direction in the conversation. Nick was struck by the contrasting ways in which Mr. Sterling was treating his two sons. It wasn't just a matter of passing the conversation to John – which based on everything that Nick had learned about the man was certainly quite a sacrifice for him– it was the way he kept building John up while making occasional backhanded remarks about Jeff.

As John launched into yet another story about his football team, Nick took the opportunity to tap out a quick text message to Jeff.

Nick: So I think the great philharmonic question is, if a tree falls n the woods and no ones around 2 hear it...does ur dad still brag that John coulda knocked it down faster?

Nick watched as Jeff opened the text message. He was delighted a moment later when the blond singer barked out a sharp laugh and turned to grin at him.

"You think it's funny that someone intercepted a pass meant for your brother, Jeff?" Mark demanded, glaring at Jeff in the rear view mirror.

"No, of course not," Jeff answered right away, a solemn look invading his face.

"No what?" Mark prompted, still frowning at Jeff in the mirror.

"N-no sir," Jeff corrected himself, a deep blush forming across his cheeks.

"That's better. Now, John, why don't you continue? Pay attention, Nick, this is where it gets really good."

Nick frowned. He felt guilty for getting Jeff into trouble and he was furious at Mr. Sterling for being such a jerk. He wasn't sure what to do though. His parents had always emphasized that it was important to be polite and respectful to adults and he also worried that if he said anything he might embarrass Jeff or make the situation worse.

"Isn't that amazing?" Mr. Sterling declared, tilting the mirror farther back so that he could beam at his younger son.

"Bombastic," Nick answered woodenly, trying to use a fancy compliment to hide his utter lack of interest. He wasn't even slightly curious about whatever it was he had just given his praise to.

"It sure is! You're bombastic, John. Just like your old man!" Mr. Sterling declared exuberantly before returning his attention to Nick. "I'm just so proud of him. Only in 6th grade and he's already starting over some of the older kids."

"Yeah, that's great," Nick agreed, forcing himself to mind his manners. He then made the decision to try to shine a little of the limelight on his friend. "Jeff's like that too. He's always beating out more experienced singers to get solos and stuff. He's really talented!"

Jeff turned and gave Nick a sincere smile of appreciation, but despite his happier expression Nick didn't miss the sadness and hurt in his dark eyes. His face then shifted to one of grim expectation and a moment later when his father started speaking he gritted his teeth and gave Nick an apologetic look.

"Oh that singing crap." Mr. Sterling snorted. "It's all he's any good at, and I don't care what anyone says, it's weird for a bunch of guys to stand around singing to each other."

"It's really queer," John interjected, contorting his face in disgust.

Mr. Sterling laughed like John had just made the funniest remark of the century. "See, that's what I love about the kid. He tells it like it is. That's right, John, it's weird and queer."

Nick couldn't stand it anymore. He opened his mouth to tell the other two just what he thought of their opinions, but before he could, Jeff kicked his foot and shot him a pleading look. Nick let out a small sigh and forced himself to continue holding his tongue about their insulting remarks. The last thing he wanted to do was make things even worse for his friend. However, he couldn't just let it drop completely, so he decided to make another attempt at framing Jeff in a more positive light.

"Actually that definitely isn't all Jeff's good at. He's a straight A student. He usually kicks my butt in video games. He's a great swimmer. He-"

"None of that is worth anything," Mr. Sterling interrupted, waving his hand dismissively. "You think he's going to make a living playing _video games_? Or maybe he's going to earn his first million doing the backstroke?"

"More like the _breast_stroke. He's such a girl!" John taunted.

"Good one, John," the man chuckled from the front seat. Nick felt the vibrations a moment later as John kicked the back of his brother's seat. Nick spun around and gave the boy an angry glare, at last losing his patience with him completely. Mr. Sterling was already continuing his rant.

"Hell, even his grades don't matter. I was a C student at best – crap half the guys I work with were. But look at us now! We're doing great, and all those eggheads we went to school with are probably still sitting around trying to figure out the hypotenuse of a circle or something."

"I doubt they're doing that," Nick remarked dryly, amused that for once someone other than himself had used a word incorrectly. Nick was excellent at math and would have wagered his knowledge of geometric terms against even Maggie's.

"Don't get smart with me, son. All I'm saying is that book smarts aren't what a man needs to get ahead in the real world. It's people skills, drive, dedication. That hunger and spit to make it to the top. John's got buckets of spit and I know he'll do great when he grows up, but most days I think Jeff's going to dry up before he even leaves the starting line."

"I think Jeff-" Nick started, only to be immediately cut off.

"Don't tell me about my own son!" Mark roared, glaring at Nick in the mirror. "I have half a mind to make him quit that fairy-ass singing group and forbid him from playing those ridiculous video games. He needs to grow some balls and get out there on the field. Go head-to-head against the other guys. Earn the respect of his teammates, hell earn my respect."

Nick's mouth fell open and he immediately reached across the seat to grab Jeff's hand, desperate to give him some kind of comfort after that barrage of hurtful words. However, before Nick could even make contact, Jeff pulled his fingers away lightning fast and regarded him with a look of terror.

"He's probably gonna start crying now," John sneered as he leaned forward in his seat and flicked Jeff's ear. Nick was disturbed by the impulse he felt to haul off and belt the kid in the face. He tried to remind himself that John was just a stupid little boy.

Mark Sterling chuckled. "Well he knows if he starts crying that he can just get out and hitchhike to Florida – or wherever the hell he wants to go for that matter. I'm not having a crybaby for a son."

Nick was still openly gaping at what he was hearing. He shot a worried look at Jeff and was relieved to see that Jeff looked completely stone-faced and unemotional. Nick didn't understand how his friend was holding himself together. He himself wanted to cry just on Jeff's behalf, and it was in large part due only to shock that he was able to keep himself composed. Nick heard an exasperated sigh and glanced over at Jeff's mother. She was frowning, but obviously unwilling to do anything to stop her husband's and younger son's cruel behavior. Nick picked up his phone, frantic for a way help Jeff.

Nick: OMG! Ther nuts! I lov u. plz b ok!

To Nick's horror when Jeff read the text, _that _was what caused him to let out a small, strangled sob.

"Are you crying, Jeff? Was your brother right? Do we have a crybaby on our hands?" Mr. Sterling jeered, clicking his tongue and obviously thoroughly amused by the situation.

"That was me," Nick said right away, suspecting that Jeff wouldn't have been able to speak without breaking down, and desperate to cover for him.

"Are you a crybaby, Nick?" Mark taunted, tilting the mirror so that he could look at him.

"Yes," Nick answered challengingly. He didn't care if Jeff's father did kick him out of the car. He would just call his dad to come and get him. His only concern was leaving Jeff alone with these people. He started wondering if there was any way he could get Jeff out of the vehicle too.

Mr. Sterling chortled. "Are you a candy-assed queer? Is that why you're friends with this boy, Jeff? Are you faggots together?"

"No dad, of course not," Jeff responded in a calm, steely voice. The unexpected strength present in Jeff's tone surprised Nick just as much as all the other proceedings had. He saw Jeff glance at him with a strange look on his face. It took Nick a little while to put it together but then he realized it was a protective look. Jeff was protecting him. "That's disgusting and I know Nick thinks so too. Faggots should burn in hell."

"That's right!" Mark Sterling declared, raising his arm and finger to emphasize the point.

"Yeah!" John enthused from the backseat, quickly jumping on the bandwagon.

"They certainly are disturbed and should be kept away from normal people," Jeff's mother added, casually looking up from her magazine.

"Oh Susan, don't be so wishy-washy. They should fry," Mr. Sterling insisted.

Nick felt Jeff nudge his foot and he knew what he was supposed to do, but it just felt so wrong. He felt like _he_ would go to hell for saying something like that. He knew that it was the only way to end the whole horrible conversation though, so at last he sighed and added a halfhearted, "Yeah gross."

The small affirmation seemed enough to placate Jeff's father and to Nick's relief John soon settled into reliving another tale from the gridiron.

They arrived at the condo late in the evening and after dropping off their luggage they went out to eat. Nick was almost as silent as Jeff and Mrs. Sterling during the meal. By this point all he could think about was getting away from Jeff's awful family. It was heartbreaking for him to realize that Jeff has actually grown up with these people. He promised himself that from then on every time there was a break at Dalton he would invite Jeff to spend it with him and his family. He didn't know if his friend would be able to accept the offer, but he prayed that he could.

"I wanna go down to the beach for a night swim!" John declared on the way back to the condo.

"Sounds good to me," Mr. Sterling agreed. "We can swing by, grab our suits, and get out there."

"Is it okay if I hang back?" Nick interjected as politely as he could. "I'm kinda tired."

"Well we wouldn't want you to overexert yourself, would we, princess?" Mr. Sterling remarked sarcastically.

"Good one, dad!" John shouted as he kicked the back of Nick's seat. Nick had noticed that after announcing that he was a 'crybaby' earlier on the way down, Jeff's father and brother had been treating him with the same contempt that they had been using for Jeff. Oddly, Nick found this easier to deal with. He was sort of pleased that they didn't like him anymore, almost as though their continued approval would have been a mark of shame.

"I'll stay too and keep him company," Jeff stated. Nick had been hoping that Jeff would say something to that effect. He was amazed at the subtle changes in his friend. Ever since 'the incident' Jeff had actually been speaking _more_ forcefully to his father, especially where Nick was concerned.

"Oh of course," Mr. Sterling answered, making a limp-wristed gesture. Jeff's father and brother had been making jokes like that about Nick and Jeff all afternoon, but Nick could tell that fortunately they were just joking and trying to be mean and didn't seem to believe the comments to be true.

After dropping off Nick and Jeff, the other three Sterlings went about their business to the beach. They were staying in a three-bedroom, two-bath condo and Nick was pleased to learn that he and Jeff would be sharing a room. Jeff's parents had their own bedroom and bathroom on the other side of the condo, and Nick and Jeff would be sharing the second bathroom with Jeff's brother, who had his own room. The bathroom connected the two bedrooms, but could be locked from either side. As soon they got into the room the first thing Nick did was lock their side and resolve to do so every time they came or left the bathroom. He suspected that John would make a pest of himself otherwise.

"I'm sorry, Nick," Jeff said softly, the volume of his voice having reverted to its quiet, shy level.

Nick looked at his friend incredulously, but before responding he went to their bedroom door and locked that as well. He wanted to ensure that they weren't disturbed. Then he wordlessly crossed the room and pulled Jeff into a tight hug.

"Don't you dare apologize for them," Nick ordered fiercely. He pulled Jeff down onto one of the beds, keeping his arms wrapped firmly around him as he did so. Once they were resting on the soft surface, he loosened his grip enough so that they could shift into more comfortable positions, but he never completely let go of him. After they had both settled down on their sides, Nick's front against Jeff's back, Nick tangled their legs together and then pulled a very surprised and rigid Jeff backward against his chest. Next he wrapped his left arm around Jeff's torso, squeezing him gently and rubbing back and forth in a soothing pattern with his thumb. Meanwhile he slid his right arm under Jeff's head, and clasped the palm of his hand over the back of Jeff's, entwining their fingers. The final step in setting up his snug embrace was to lean his forehead against the back of Jeff's soft, blond head.

"Uh...w-what are you doing, Nick?" Jeff asked after a few moments, obviously nervous about these new developments. Though hugs were by now a common part of their friendship, they had never actually cuddled on a bed before.

"Sshh, it's okay. Just let it all out, Jeffy. I've got you" Nick instructed, emphasizing his point with another little squeeze. Nick could only guess at how Jeff was feeling, but for him his feelings of worry and anguish over the way Jeff had been treated all day had reached a critical level. He couldn't stand to see Jeff on the receiving end of even one more cruel remark or unkind gesture. He _had_ to hold Jeff, had to reassure him that he was loved and cared for.

"Let what out?" Jeff asked, sounding genuinely confused, but tentatively squeezing Nick's fingers and making no move to get up.

"The tears, man." Nick answered, affectionately running his whole hand back and forth over Jeff's lean chest. "Don't hold it back. I've gotcha now. It's gonna be okay."

"I'm fine, really," Jeff insisted. "I'm used to all that. I'm just sorry you were there...uh, I mean I'm really glad you're here...but I'm so sorry I invited you. It was really stupid and selfish,"

"What are you talking about?" Nick asked, relieved to feel Jeff finally relaxing into the embrace. He could feel the tension melting off of him as he snuggled back.

"Well I just wanted you to come because...well because you're my best friend of course, but also I...I thought..." Jeff turned his head against the pillow and mumbled the rest.

"What did you think?" Nick prompted patiently.

"That they wouldn't be as bad with you around," Jeff answered, raising his head. "I swear, Nick, I never would have put you through this if I had known they would still act like that. I've never had a friend before."

"What?!"

"I-I uh didn't say that quite right. I mean I've had friends before at school and stuff...but I've never invited anyone over before."

"Well from now on you're spending all your off school time with me at my mom's or dad's," Nick said, announcing his decision and praying that Jeff would go along with it.

"You don't have to do that," Jeff said right away, stiffening slightly.

"The hell I don't!" Nick declared an angry expression forming on his face as he remembered the way Jeff's father and brother had treated him. "I'm honestly wondering if my parents can adopt you or something."

"Oh come on!" Jeff said laughing and using his free hand to pat the arm Nick still had wrapped around his chest.

"I mean it," Nick countered, seriously. "My parents and Maggie already love you, man. If there's any way it can happen from like a legajistic standpoint, I think we should do it."

"Nick, that's ridiculous," Jeff insisted as he let go of Nick's hand and slowly turned around in Nick's arms so that they were face to face. He seemed startled at first by just how close together their faces were, but Nick gave him a soft look and pulled him even closer as he began stroking his back. Jeff sighed and started to shyly trace patterns over Nick's side, a slight tension present in the set of his jaw, as though he expected Nick to snap at him or pull away. Nick playfully bumped their noses together instead.

"Can I talk to my parents about this?" Nick whispered. He watched as Jeff's brown eyes widened in panic.

"NO!" Jeff declared, clearly terrified by the idea. A little while later he relaxed enough to continue. "Look, I know they aren't nice people, and I know they don't really like me very much, but my family really isn't _that_ bad. My dad never actually hits me or anything."

"It doesn't matter," Nick protested. "The way he treats you is so not okay. That stuff he said...God, that had to hurt so much. I'd bawl my eyes out if my dad said anything like that to me."

"Yeah, but your dad loves you," Jeff said quietly, looking away from Nick before he continued. "So of course his opinion matters to you, but I don't care what my dad thinks about me anymore...he's never loved me. I've never not disappointed him."

"Oh Jeffy!" Nick exclaimed, feeling himself starting to tear up. He gently grabbed Jeff's chin and tilted his face back up toward him so that they were eye-to-eye again. "You are so fricken amazing and awesome! Your dad's a fucking idiot for not cherishing you."

"Thanks Nicky," Jeff answered, smiling and using a new nickname for the first time. "Your opinion matters way more to me than my dad's or brother's anyway. So I'm just glad you think that."

Nick smiled and, acting on impulse, kissed Jeff's cheek. The sudden gesture of affection clearly took Jeff by surprise and almost instantly he turned a deep shade of red. A few months prior when Nick had learned that Jeff was confused about his sexuality he had offered to make out with him, but Jeff had never taken him up on the offer. However, about a week later he had nervously confirmed that he was indeed gay. Nick was happy that his friend had figured things out, and especially pleased that he felt comfortable enough to revisit the delicate topic and confide in Nick about it later; however, he was mildly disappointed that Jeff had never seemed interested in making out with him again. The one time they had done it during Truth or Dare, Nick had enjoyed himself, and even though he was pretty sure that he was entirely straight, he wouldn't have minded experimenting a little bit with his best friend.

"You know what does hurt though?" Jeff asked quietly, snapping Nick out of his thoughts.

"What's that?"

"My mom...She's not like my dad or John. She's always nice to me. She does all the usual mom stuff, like taking care of me when I'm home, and calling and sending me stuff when I'm not. She asks me about classes and even the Warblers, and I think she actually cares about what's going on in my life."

Nick let out a small sigh of relief, feeling quite a bit better hearing Jeff say that. However, he hadn't forgotten that this part of the conversation had begun with 'what hurts,' so he waited tensely for the other shoe to drop.

"But she never makes John leave me alone...I know I'm older but still." Nick nodded his agreement. John was one of the most obnoxious kids he had ever met, and he knew it would have been tough for his soft-spoken friend to put him in his place. "She never tries to make my dad leave me alone when he starts tearing into me either. And I know that she's just a quiet person, and it wouldn't be like her to really say anything...and I guess I should just stand up for myself more, but I feel like she secretly agrees with them. That she's disappointed in me too and thinks I ought to toughen up...and you heard her earlier about the-the...well you know..."

Nick frowned slightly. It bothered him that Jeff could use gay slurs without batting an eye, but he couldn't even reference his sexuality in a neutral way without freezing up.

"The gay thing?" Nick asked. When Jeff nodded he continued. "It's really not anything to be ashamed of, Jeff."

"But that's the thing. It is to her. She'll never accept it. I'm worried if she ever finds out, that it'll be the final straw and she'll never want anything to do with me again."

Nick wanted to insist that he was wrong, that mothers didn't do that kind of thing, but he could still barely wrap his head around the concept of a father treating his son the way Mr. Sterling treated Jeff. He wanted to say it could never happen with Jeff's mother too, but he just didn't know.

"I hope that never happens. I hope when she realizes that her own son is gay that she comes to her senses and gets her priorities right. But either way I can promise you that you're gonna be okay."

"How can you promise that?" Jeff asked, not seeming to necessarily doubt Nick, but coming off as honestly curious.

"Because I'm here for you, Jeff, and I always will be no matter what. I swear."

Nick kissed his bang-covered forehead and pressed himself completely against Jeff's body, so that they were touching from chest to toe. Then he just smiled at Jeff and watched as a look of contentment formed across his face and eventually his eyes fluttered shut and his breathing evened out. Nick watched Jeff sleep for a little while, surprised by the depth of his own feelings for him. He realized that the way he loved Jeff was different from the way he loved his family and other friends. There was more of an urgency about it. It was somehow more consuming, more passionate. Nick didn't ponder it long, however, before he too drifted off to sleep.

**-000-**

_~August, 2010~_

"Oh my god, that new guy is so hot!" Jeff exclaimed as they walked into their dorm room after the first Warbler's practice of their sophomore year.

"Blaine or Trent?" Nick inquired, pleased that Jeff felt confident enough to talk to him about guys. On a few occasions in the past Jeff had made casual comments, but this was certainly the first time he seemed so enthusiastic. Nick grinned at him. He was thrilled that Jeff seemed to have accepted his sexuality enough to be actively enjoying it and checking out guys.

"Blaine," Jeff answered, rolling his eyes as though it were obvious, as he set his book bag down on his bed and took off his uniform jacket.

Nick shrugged. Blaine and Trent were both cute enough, each in his own way as far as Nick was concerned, but then again he knew he wasn't exactly qualified to make a definitive ruling. He would just have to take Jeff's word for it that of the two, Blaine was the looker. He was glad that Jeff had said Blaine though because he knew something that would be of interest.

"You should ask him out," Nick stated, beginning to remove his own blazer and tie.

"You think he might be gay?" Jeff asked.

"Yep!" Nick beamed at his friend as he sank down on his bed. "He's in my English class. Mr. Blanchard asked him to introduce himself and then asked him why he had transferred to Dalton. Turns out it was because he got jumped and beat up at his old school after a Sadie Hawkins dance."

"Crap that's awful!"

"I know, right?!" Nick agreed frowning, but then continued with a brighter expression. "Anyway after class I like went up to him to welcome him to Dalton and reassure him nothing like that would happen here."

"Because you're awesome that way," Jeff interjected, smiling fondly at Nick.

"Thanks," Nick answered, accepting the compliment and smiling back. "Anyway we got to talking and he told me that it was actually a case of gay bashing. So yep, he's gay."

Jeff seemed excited for a little while, but then his face fell and he looked unhappy. "He'd never be interested in someone like me though."

"Of course he would!" Nick insisted right away, getting up and crossing the room to plunk down next to Jeff on his bed.

"Seriously, Nick, he wouldn't. He's like insanely hot and I'm just geeky and awkward."

"You are not. You're adorable, Jeffy."

"You're just saying that...besides you're straight. You don't know what gay guys like."

"Well anyone with eyes can see that you're hot, man. Honestly, sometimes _I_ check you out and I'm not even into dudes. You're gorgeous. I bet you could model or be an actor or something."

"That's really nice of you to say but-"

"Jeff," Nick said in a warning tone that conveyed his irritation with Jeff for talking down about himself.

"No, really. Besides, I'm not out yet, and I'm not ready to come out. So it's not like there's much I can do anyway."

"You could be secret boyfriends," Nick suggested.

"That would probably annoy him if he's already confident enough to tell you his orientation after one conversation. He's not going to want to waste his time on some shy, closeted nerd."

Nick frowned but wasn't sure what else to say. Eventually he just draped an arm over Jeff's shoulders and leaned against him. "Well his loss then, because you're amazing."

**-000-**

_~Late November, 2010~_

"Nick, we're going to be late, come on," Jeff pleaded. Nick watched in amusement as Jeff not only picked up his own bag, but also Nick's and went to stand by the door.

"Just a second. I need to finish reading this email," Nick fibbed, making up the excuse as he eyed the clock and realized they weren't quite late enough yet.

"Can't you read it when we get back? Or from your phone while we walk?" Jeff asked, irritation lacing his voice.

"Okay, let me just change my shirt," Nick said, quickly shucking off his blazer and already beginning to unbutton the garment in question.

"Are you serious?!" Jeff declared. Nick had trouble keeping a straight face. This was just about the most annoyed Jeff had ever been with him. "You were already in uniform."

"I know, but I've been sweating all day in this one. You don't want me to go to practice smelling bad do you?" Nick demanded, 'fumbling' with the buttons on his sleeve cuff. After a few seconds Jeff huffed and crossed the room, slapping Nick's fingers away and undoing them himself.

"You smelled fine," Jeff asserted as he nevertheless pulled the shirt off of Nick's body and hurried to his closet to get another one.

"Thanks, Jeffy. But you're probably just used to my stank from rooming with me," Nick joked as Jeff threw a fresh shirt at him.

"Yeah that's probably it," Jeff agreed, smirking.

"Hey! You were supposed to insist that I smell like a field of wildflowers or something!" Nick pouted, using the opportunity to whine as another delay.

"You smell like wildflowers. Now put on your shirt," Jeff ordered, grabbing Nick's arm and guiding it into the sleeve.

"Jeez, you sure are eager to get me dressed again. A guy could take that personally...you think I need to hit the gym more?"

"Oh my god, NICK! I don't want Blaine and the other guys to yell at us."

"When has Blaine _ever_ yelled at us?" Nick pointed out.

"Well I don't want him to be disappointed. Besides it's just disrespectful to the other guys to be late."

"Oh darn, missed a button. Better start over."

"NICK! It's just one at the bottom. Shove your shirt into your pants. You'll be fine."

After insisting on re-buttoning his shirt, then 'misplacing' his tie, then 'accidentally' making the knot come loose, then complaining that his blazer was wrinkled, Nick finally let Jeff drag him out of their dorm room. He almost felt guilty by the time they entered the hallway that led to the Warbler common room, Jeff storming ahead of him, refusing to speak or slow down. He knew Jeff really was upset and he wished he could have come up with a stalling tactic that wouldn't have frustrated him so much. He watched as Jeff flung open the doors and entered the room.

"They're gone!" Jeff exclaimed, disbelief and accusation warring for control of his face as he whirled around and glared at Nick. "We were late and they must have canceled practice and left! Oh god, they're going to kick us out. They're going to-"

"SURPRISE!"

Nick couldn't help but chuckle as Jeff jumped about a foot in the air and then spun around, clutching his chest and gaping with wide eyes as all the other Warblers tumbled out of various hiding places. An instant later someone released a 'Happy Birthday Jeff!' banner and confetti rained down from the ceiling. Soon Jeff was swallowed up in a mass of excited Warblers giving him hugs and expressing their birthday wishes.

Nick waited patiently until everyone else was done then enveloped the beaming blond in a tight embrace of his own. "Happy sweet sixteen, Jeffy."

"Nick has a little something else prepared for you," Blaine announced before passing Nick the microphone and nodding at Thad to start the music.

Nick swayed and bounced as the beat for Adam Lambert's "If I Had You" filled the room. When the music started he did his best to emulate the dance moves that went along with the song as he sang it to Jeff. Judging by the deep blush, but irrepressible smile that pushed its way onto his roommate's face, Nick knew that he was enjoying it and also getting a kick out of the overly-theatrical moves that Nick was improvising. The other Warblers all sang backup and fell into step behind Nick.

When the song was over Nick and several of the other guys gave Jeff more hugs and then Wes wheeled out a cart with a birthday cake on it and Blaine directed Jeff's attention to a table stacked with presents near the back of the room. Nick wasn't sure if Jeff was grinning more or if he himself was simply from watching him. Jeff's brown eyes were sparkling with excitement and he seemed ready to burst at the seams. Nick didn't think he had ever seen Jeff look happier.

"I'm very impressed, Nick," Kurt stated as he grabbed Nick's arm and led him off to the side while the rest of the guys continued chattering at Jeff, and competing for his attention. Kurt continued. "The song, the dancing, all the planning for this party. It must have been really tough to get it to all come together so flawlessly, but you pulled it off. You did a wonderful thing for him and you should be very proud of yourself."

"Thanks Kurt! It means a lot to hear you say that," Nick answered with a smile. He was thoroughly pleased by the newest Warbler's praise. Kurt had only recently transferred to Dalton due to a problem with bullying that he had experienced at his new school. Nick hadn't had the chance to get to know him very well yet, but he knew that Kurt himself was very talented and thoughtful, so it meant all the more that he respected Nick's performance and recognized his efforts to make Jeff's birthday special. "I'm truly flatulent."

"Um...What?" Kurt questioned, a disgusted look crossing his face.

"I mean it. I'm really flatulent," Nick repeated, nodding sincerely and eager to convey just how flattered he was by Kurt's kind words.

"Well then maybe you should excuse yourself for a little while," Kurt remarked, taking a step back.

"Nah, wouldn't want to miss the party," Nick answered, confused by Kurt's suggestion, but brushing it off.

"Have you told him how you feel yet?" Kurt inquired, keeping his distance, but giving Nick a serious look. "Not about the flatulence of course, but about _him._"

"What do you mean?" Nick asked curiously.

Kurt rolled his eyes and sighed with frustration. "You do know what song you just sang to him right?"

"Sure, 'If I Had You,'" Nick answered nodding and finally realizing what Kurt was talking about. "Ohh, I see why you're confused. No, I just sang that to him because he really likes Adam Lambert and it's his favorite song right now."

"You certainly seemed to mean it," Kurt answered.

"I meant it, but not romantically. Me and Jeff are really close, but we're just best friends," Nick responded. Then he thought of a way to further clarify his feelings. "You know, like you and Blaine are good friends."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's a great way to describe it," Kurt answered cryptically before shaking his head and walking with Nick to the back of the room where Jeff was about to start opening his gifts.

**-000-**

**End Note:** **Please let me know what you thought of this chapter. I sort of feel bad the way I wrote Jeff's parents and brother. I've never written such a truly awful family for one of my characters before. I usually like to give my characters either positive families, or complicated, conflicted families...but Jeff's kinda just sucks. **

**On a different note, I didn't want to rush into the emotional or physical side of Nick and Jeff's relationship too quickly, but I think things will start heating up next chapter.**


	4. Chapter 4: And So The Feeling Grows

**Can't Fight These Feelings**

**A/N: Unfortunately I was mistaken about Sebastian making his appearance in this chapter. The timeline didn't advance as much as I was expecting it to, so the boys are still at the end of their sophomore year instead of starting their junior year. I'm trying hard to get the chapters out as quickly as possible though.**

**Also, I got a request to include dates for clarity at the beginning of each section (good idea, Percival Jones, thanks!) so there's a new little feature as well. I'm just going to include approximate dates though rather than exact days. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter!**

**Chapter 4 – And So The Feeling Grows**

_Mid-March, 2011_

It was mid-March and Nick and Jeff, along with Maggie, were spending the weekend at Nick's dad's house. Nick's dad's girlfriend, Cathy Hayes, was also visiting for the day. His dad had been dating Cathy for almost a year, and though Nick had met her several times he hadn't gotten to know her very well because typically Nick's dad didn't have her over on the weekends when he had Nick and Maggie. However, though it was unexpected, Nick wasn't bothered by her presence. He liked Cathy well enough and he had simply assumed his dad felt like spending time with everyone at once; he could respect that. Besides it had been a really fun day.

After an early lunch they had all gone to the zoo for a few hours. Nick knew that as a teenager he was probably supposed to think that it was lame going to the zoo with his dad and sister, but in fact he had thoroughly enjoyed himself. In addition to all the fun he had looking at the animals, it was also hysterical watching Jeff and Maggie interact.

Jeff had given Nick permission to tell his family that he was gay since Nick had assured him that they would be supportive and that it wouldn't get back to Dalton. Nick also suspected that it suited Jeff for Maggie to know so that she would quit hitting on him. Now that she knew his sexuality, she had indeed stopped flirting with him and was instead determined to make him her 'gay best friend' as she called it. Nick had objected at first on the grounds that Jeff was _his_ best friend, but Jeff had surprised and amused them both by insisting that there was enough of him to go around. Besides, Maggie had assured Nick that he wouldn't be missing out because she and Jeff would be doing things that he wasn't interested in. Then as if to prove her point, she and Jeff had spent the afternoon talking about boys and books. Nick had to admit that after a few cursory comments he was out of his depth and that it was just as well that they had each other to talk to about such topics.

Instead, Nick had gotten the chance to spend extra time with his dad, and also to get to know Cathy better. So far he had learned that she was only a couple of years younger than his dad, worked as an insurance agent, and had a knack for listening. At first Nick had merely assumed that she was being polite to him, or was just curious because she didn't know him that well. However, over the course of the day Nick noticed how attentive and engaged she was whenever she talked to his dad, Maggie, or Jeff. By the time they had returned home in the early evening, Nick had decided that he liked Cathy and that she was good for his dad.

"Before you guys get settled in, I'd like to have a little family meeting," Ian Duval announced as the group walked into the house.

"Oh uh, I'll just go upstairs," Jeff said as a blush colored his cheeks and he dropped his gaze to the floor.

"No way, man! You're family too," Nick said with a grin as he grabbed Jeff's wrist, stopping him, and then throwing an arm around his shoulders. "Right dad?"

"Yeah, of course," Ian agreed right away. He gave Jeff a warm smile before he turned and led them all into the living room. Nick was thrilled with his dad's response. He had honored Jeff's request not to talk in detail about his family life, but Nick had nevertheless told both his dad and his mom that Jeff wasn't close with his parents. He figured that since they also knew that Jeff was gay they could form their own conclusions, and indeed ever since then both Nick's parents had been going out of their way to include Jeff and make him feel welcome.

"What's going on, dad?" Maggie asked as she sank down next to Nick on the couch. Jeff took the seat on Nick's other side, while Nick's dad sat in a chair facing the teenagers with Cathy perched next to him on the chair's arm.

"Cathy and I have some pretty exciting news," Ian answered.

"Am I going to be a big sister?" Maggie inquired with exaggerated seriousness. Nick sniggered at the remark, but shot her a look and nodded back toward their dad, encouraging her to pay attention.

"Maybe some day," Ian answered with a shrug and a little chuckle of his own. "We're getting married."

Nick felt his blood run cold and his stomach tighten as the words hit him. His dad was already looking between him and Maggie with an expectant look on his face and Nick knew that he had to say or do something, but all he could manage was a weak smile at his dad.

Nick glanced over at Maggie to see how she was taking the announcement. She looked like Nick felt. Her mouth was open slightly, her eyes wide, and her posture rigid. Just as it occurred to him to put his arm around her in support he felt Jeff's arm wrapping around him instead. Nick hadn't realized just how much he needed Jeff's comfort until that very moment. He promptly collapsed against Jeff's side, and started taking deep breaths. Soon his blood also felt like it was warming up and his stomach began to relax.

"Congratulations, Mr. Duval, Ms. Hayes," Jeff said, his voice that same brand of quiet enthusiasm that Nick had only ever seen in Jeff and no one else. Without removing his left arm from around Nick's body, Jeff leaned forward and extended his right hand to Nick's dad and then to Cathy.

Seeing Jeff make that gesture helped Nick realize that he needed to pull himself together and do something similar before he hurt his dad's feelings. It would have been absurd to Nick to shake his dad's hand as Jeff had done, so instead he stood up and wrapped his arms tightly around the man. He wanted to say congratulations, he really did, but he couldn't get the words out. "I love you, dad," he whispered instead.

"I love you too, buddy," Ian answered, squeezing him and then patting his back.

Nick didn't know what to do when he pulled away from his dad and looked at Cathy. He didn't want to hug her, but a handshake would have felt weird too, and he still found it impossible to form any coherent words of congratulations. Yet she was looking at him with a nervous, slightly vulnerable look, and he did like her so he gave her a small smile and patted her arm as a compromise.

When Nick turned around he was relieved to see that Jeff had slid over on the coach and was comforting Maggie. Unfortunately what Nick was displeased to see was that she had gone from shocked to outright upset.

"Maggie?" Nick said quietly as he touched her shoulder.

When Maggie looked up at him, Nick could see that her eyes were watering and her lip was quivering. "I-I can't," She choked out before getting up and running out of the room.

Nick started to follow her, but his dad grabbed his shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. "I'll go talk to her."

Nick wasn't sure what else to do so he gave Cathy another awkward smile and then turned and gazed at Jeff, silently imploring him to help.

"Nick, we need to go study for that math test we have coming up Monday," Jeff stated, providing Nick with the gracious excuse he needed to leave the room.

"Right, yeah," Nick said nodding and only barely managing to resist the urge to sigh in relief. He glanced at Cathy again to take his leave of her and when he did it struck him for the first time that she was actually going to be his step-mother soon. "'Scuse me, Cathy. I better go."

She nodded stiffly and looked to be on the verge of tears herself. Nick knew that Maggie's reaction, plus his own lackluster response, had to have been hard for her, but he couldn't find the strength within himself to try to comfort her. He gave Jeff another meaningful look and inclined his head slightly toward Cathy, silently begging him to say something else.

Jeff didn't seem to understand at first, but then he nodded and spoke. "This really is such great news! Congratulations again!" he declared enthusiastically, this time dispelling his previous quiet reserve. Nick was relieved to see a genuine smile settle across Cathy's face in response.

Nick and Jeff went up the stairs to Nick's room. As they passed Maggie's door, Nick heard voices and knew that his sister and dad were talking, but he walked by, not wanting to eavesdrop. Once inside his own room he collapsed on his bed, feeling confused and emotionally overwhelmed.

Jeff closed the bedroom door and then made his way over to Nick's bed and sat down next to him, placing a comforting hand on his arm. "I'm sorry, Nick," he said softly.

"Why are you sorry though?" Nick asked, still trying to make sense of his own feelings. "This is good news right?"

Jeff didn't speak right away, but when he did he spoke carefully and in a soothing voice. "I'm sorry because it hurt you and Maggie. And yeah, honestly I do think it is good news, but I know it's tough to hear."

"But it shouldn't be," Nick whined, frowning and still trying to figure out why he was so upset. "I want my dad to have someone and Cathy seems nice...why am I so unhappy? Why is Maggie so unhappy? I seriously don't understand...I just know it hurts for some reason."

Jeff looked at him for a few moments and then slowly laid down on the bed next to Nick. Then he opened his arms and gave Nick a questioning look. Nick responded with a small smile and gladly accepted the offer, snuggling into Jeff's arms and resting his head against Jeff's chest.

"I think you do know why it hurts, Nick...go ahead and say it. It's okay," Jeff wrapped his arms around Nick, one hand stroking the back of his head and the other rubbing soothingly over his shoulder and back.

Nick chewed on his lower lip and thought about what he was feeling again. It didn't make sense but it all came down to one thing.

"How could he do that to my mom?" Nick demanded, feeling a wave of anger crash over him.

"I don't know," Jeff answered gently, squeezing Nick closer.

"I know it's stupid...I mean they're divorced, but it still feels like he's cheating on her or something," Nick stated, a mad scowl weighing on his lips.

"It's not stupid to feel that way. It makes a lot of sense, and I think it's okay to be angry right now."

Nick was silent for several minutes, the side of his face pressed against Jeff's chest, and one hand resting on the tall blond's lean stomach. The more he thought about what Jeff had said the more he realized that he really was angry, angry but also sad. He felt tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes and before he even realized what was happening a small sob escaped his lips. He buried his face against Jeff's chest again and let himself cry.

"Do you want me to go get your dad?" Jeff offered, still holding Nick close.

Nick shook his head vigorously and raised his face enough to look up at Jeff's warm, concerned eyes. "Can I ask you something, Jeff?"

"Of course."

"You think my dad woulda rathered just met Cathy to begin with and never even been with my mom?"

"No way," Jeff answered immediately. "If your dad hadn't been with your mom he would have never had you and Maggie, and I'm pretty sure he loves you guys more than anything."

Nick smiled and sighed softly; Jeff had practically read his mind. He had been worried that on some level maybe his dad did feel like his whole original family was a waste of time, but hearing Jeff say it like that made him realize just how silly that notion was. Of course his dad didn't regret him and Maggie.

"You know Jeff," Nick said as he let himself relax completely and fully enjoy the comfort Jeff was providing him. "I want Maggie to be happy and have a friend like you too, but just so you know, you're _my_ gay best friend, and don't you dare forget it."

"I love you too, Nick," Jeff answered with a soft chuckle. To Nick's surprise he felt Jeff press a light kiss against the top of his head a moment later. Nick resisted the urge to kiss Jeff's chest in response, thinking it would be silly.

"Can we take a nap?" Nick asked, feeling utterly drained emotionally and realizing that the only two things in the world that seemed appealing just then were sleeping and snuggling with Jeff.

"Sure," Jeff answered as he grabbed the far side of Nick's bedspread and threw it over them, making a little cocoon and saving them the trouble of having to squirm and wiggle to get under the covers normally.

"You're the best, Jeffy," Nick murmured, rubbing his friend's chest and shifting over just enough so that Jeff wouldn't have to support his weight the entire time they slept. He nuzzled his head into the crook of Jeff's neck and felt Jeff's hand taking his own and lacing their fingers together under the covers.

Nick's eyes drooped shut. He felt so good with Jeff holding him like this. He felt safe...and warm...and happy...and hard. Nick cracked one eye open at the realization. He was indeed hard, rock hard. It wasn't a horny, need-to-cum-right-away kind of hard though; it felt more like a relaxed, natural sort of response. Nick decided it was probably some variant of morning wood, maybe 'pre-nap timber' or something. He knew that if Jeff noticed or felt it he wouldn't say anything, and Nick realized that, as odd as it might have been, he didn't feel even slightly uncomfortable or embarrassed about the possibility of Jeff detecting it. So Nick just re-closed his eye and shimmied in closer against Jeff. Moments later Nick had slipped into a peaceful, contented sleep.

**-000-**

_Late March, 2011_

Nick had had a very bad day. He had woken up that morning to discover that all of his uniform shirts were dirty. Thus forcing him to wear a wrinkled, already-worn button down that he found on the floor of his closet. To make matters worse, since Nick hated waking up early he always slept until the last possible minute. As a result by the time he got the unexpected wardrobe situation resolved he was late for his first class.

Things only went downhill from there. He failed a pop quiz in World History, forgot about a biology assignment that was due in second period, spilled ketchup and mustard all over his tie and blazer at lunch, got written up for his sloppy uniform in English, and then concluded the day by tripping and falling on his butt during a dance routine at Warbler practice. He was physically unharmed, but he knew he wouldn't be living down the blunder anytime soon.

By the time his day was over all he had wanted to do was crawl in a hole in hide, but instead Maggie had called him and spent nearly an hour complaining about Cathy and how awful it was that their dad was getting remarried to her. Maggie didn't share Nick's mostly positive perception of their step-mom-to-be, and she seemed to be set on hating her in the purest step-daughter/step-mother tradition. Stress also tended to make Maggie snarky and excessively pedantic. As a result, by the time he had finally hung up with her, Nick had resorted to using a six-year-old's vocabulary and forming one-word sentences just to ensure that he wouldn't be corrected or teased any further for his mistakes.

So as the end of his abysmal day concluded it was safe to say that Nick felt completely and absolutely...wonderful.

He sighed contentedly and snuggled further back against Jeff. They were lying on Jeff's bed watching Nick's favorite movie, _Transformers_, and despite the action on screen Nick felt nothing but relaxed. The boys would often lay together on a single bed while watching movies so that they could orient the screen completely in one direction rather than each of them trying to look at it sideways. Over the past few weeks these movie nights had been turning into cuddle sessions more and more often and tonight Nick was resting comfortably in Jeff's arms, his stress forgotten as he felt Jeff's chest slowly swell and contract against his back.

Jeff's arm was draped over Nick's torso, his hand casually resting on the blanket in front of Nick. Nick hadn't realized what he was doing, but when the romantic scene between Sam and Mikaela began to happen on screen, Nick found himself grabbing Jeff's hand and lacing their fingers together. Nick felt Jeff tense up and the steady cadence of his breathing paused entirely. That was when it dawned on Nick what he had done and how the action was probably being interpreted. Cuddle buddies or not, Nick knew that friends didn't usually join hands as soon as characters in a movie had a tender moment.

Nick wanted to let go. In fact he felt an urge to jump off the bed completely, but he was worried that doing either of those things would only draw more attention to the situation and make things more uncomfortable. Instead he gave in to a different, conflicting urge and as casually as possible, pulled Jeff's hand up against his chest, leaving it covered with his own. As he did so he pretended to be mesmerized by the movie, though in fact the actors could have suddenly begun speaking in Shakespearean verse for all he would have noticed.

Nick forced himself to keep his breathing even and calm, not wanting to give any indication that he thought what was happening was out of the ordinary. He considered it for a little while. It wasn't all that strange. After all he and Jeff had held hands lots of times, especially when they were cuddling or comforting each other. The specific timing in this instance might have been a bit odd, but actually now that it had happened, now that it was _still_ happening, Nick had to admit it felt right.

As he watched Sam and Mikaela's moment end on screen, Nick reflected on his new realization, on the fact that holding Jeff's hand and snuggling against him did feel so good and so right. As he relaxed and inhaled more deeply, he caught a whiff of Jeff's familiar, pleasant scent; that was good and right too, soothing. Then Nick thought about what a lousy day he'd had, and how Jeff was there for him. He thought about about how the way Jeff was holding him made everything feel okay and caused all of his problems to seem unimportant.

"Holy crap!" Nick blurted out as his stomach somersaulted and he considered for the first time the possibility that he might have romantic feelings for Jeff.

"Wha-what is it?" Jeff asked in a tight, nervous voice as his body stiffened around Nick again.

"Oh uh...did you see that special effect? Wow!" Nick covered as he nodded toward the screen. He was dismayed to see that it was a particularly uneventful part of the movie.

"You mean with Optimus Prime talking?" Jeff guessed, sounding confused.

"Yeah, that was really something!" Nick answered, as though the routine voice over had been the coolest part of the entire movie.

To Nick's relief he felt Jeff shrug and relax against him again, still in no apparent hurry to pull his hand free. Nick glanced down at their entangled fingers, and grinned involuntarily. He _really_ didn't want to let go of Jeff's hand.

Nick's contentment was short-lived, however, when moments later he continued pondering his unprecedented discovery and what it all meant. Soon he felt like he was going to have an aneurysm as he kept trying to wrap his head around everything.

"Nick, it's okay. The Autobots are gonna win. Don't worry," Jeff said soothingly a little while later as he rubbed Nick's chest with their still-joined hands.

Nick was confused for a moment until he realized that his struggle hadn't been completely mental after all. His heart was now pounding and the slow, deep breaths he had been forcing himself to take minutes earlier had accelerated into quick, shallow pants. Fortunately this time his behavior did correspond to a major fight scene. Nick couldn't help but chuckle slightly at the way Jeff was trying to reassure him even though as far as he knew Nick was just panicking about a movie they had watched together at least half a dozen times.

"Thanks Jeffy," Nick answered fondly, legitimately feeling better as he let himself relax in his roommate's arms. Jeff must have thought he was crazy given the situation, but his only response had been a gesture of support. Nick's last thought on the topic, before forcing himself to shut off his brain and just enjoy the movie and the closeness with his best friend, was that if he did have feelings for Jeff he would accept them. He knew it would have been hypocritical to fight them or freak out about them; there was nothing wrong with liking another guy in that way, and besides this was _Jeff_.

**-000-**

_Early April, 2011_

"Okay, I'm done," Jeff announced, putting down his Xbox controller and standing up to stretch. "I need to go meet Kurt to work on our World History project."

Nick's eyes shot to Jeff's midsection as he stretched and the fabric of his t-shirt rode up just enough to show a hint of his flat stomach. _Nothing._ A moment later Jeff turned around and bent over his bed to gather up his books and pack his bag. Nick eyed his narrow hips and the swell of his ass. _Still nothing._

"Hug time!" Nick declared, putting down his own controller and jumping to his feet. Jeff smiled and chuckled, as he cheerfully crossed the room and wrapped his arms around Nick, leaning his head against Nick's as they embraced. Nick's chest tightened and he felt that addictive, now-familiar cocktail of happiness, anxiety, and _arousal. _There was a definite twinge of physical want as he held Jeff.

"Uh Nick, I kinda need to get going," Jeff said awkwardly a little while later. At least Nick hoped it was only a little while later. In truth he had no idea how long he had been standing there hugging Jeff.

"Right, yes. You have that assignation with Kurt you have to do. Got it," Nick answered, well aware of just how ridiculous he sounded and inwardly groaning.

Jeff snickered and pulled away enough to look at Nick, a smirk on his face. "Please don't tell people, especially Blaine, that I have an assignation with Kurt. That could cause all kinds of problems."

"Really?" Nick asked, only slightly paying attention as he stared into Jeff's expressive brown eyes, his palms still pressing against Jeff's lower back from the embrace which hadn't quite ended.

"Yeah really. It usually implies a...uh sexual liaison," Jeff answered, blushing slightly and making no move to lower his own arms from Nick's body.

"Oh I don't think Kurt has any sexual liaisons," Nick responded, clearing his head and shrugging.

Jeff laughed. "Well he might. He and Blaine are together now, so you never know."

"I guess you're right. He just doesn't seem like someone to wear that typa thing. I bet he's just a briefs kinda guy." Nick giggled and grinned at Jeff. "But I guess maybe he might wear some liaisons if they were having a romantic night or something."

Jeff let go of Nick completely and a loud peal of laughter escaped his mouth before he silenced it with his hand. He shook his head and smiled at Nick, still trembling slightly with laughter. "You're amazing, Nick!"

"_You're_ amazing, Jeff," Nick responded, feeling a warm, light feeling as he continued looking at the happy blond.

"You want to watch a movie when I get back?" Jeff asked, picking up his bag.

"Yeah definitely!" Nick responded right away, already excited about the fact that the movie would almost certainly guarantee more cuddling.

"Great, you pick it out and get everything ready," Jeff requested, giving Nick another dazzling smile as he finally moved away and headed for the door.

Just before he was out of reach, Nick's hand shot out and he grabbed Jeff's fingers. _Sparks._

"Yeah?" Jeff asked, turning back around, a look of confusion on his face.

Nick inwardly cursed as he realized that he needed to provide a reason for why he had just taken Jeff's hand, a reason other than wanting to feel that little surge of energy that accompanied the action.

"Uh, good luck with your project," Nick answered lamely as he gave Jeff's palm a little squeeze and then released it. Nick's whole hand felt warm and tingly, and his stomach flipped when Jeff gave him the full force of one more wide smile before laughing pleasantly and walking out of the room.

Nick sighed happily and took a deep breath. Whatever he was feeling for Jeff it was powerful, very powerful. The problem was, Nick had no idea how to figure out exactly what it was. Ever since the night that they had watched _Transformers_, Nick had been noticing more and more little things about Jeff. Like how good it always felt to touch him. Like how much he liked looking into Jeff's eyes when he and Jeff were talking. Like the way his emotions seemed so perfectly synced with the blond's. When Jeff was happy; Nick was happy. When Jeff was sad or stressed out; Nick felt sad and stressed out on his behalf. Sometimes it felt like all that mattered was being as close to Jeff as possible.

Nick had never been in love with anyone before, but he realized that this pretty much _had_ to be what it felt like. There was no way this was still just a regular friendship for Nick. This was completely unlike any other friendship Nick had ever had. Nick wasn't sure exactly when it had happened, only when he had realized it, but he was certain that he was indeed in love with Jeff, and also that it was the most awesome thing that had ever happened to him.

Nick wasn't especially worried about the ramifications of being in love with another guy, because Jeff wasn't just some guy, he was _Jeff_, and loving Jeff felt completely right and normal. Besides, Nick knew that his family was all completely open-minded about such things, and he had pretty much gone out of his way to surround himself with accepting, open-minded friends so that wasn't a concern either.

No, there was really just one problem in all of this, but unfortunately it did seem like a fairly major one: Nick was pretty sure that he wasn't gay or bi. Nick's brain knew that he was in love with Jeff, but Nick's body still seemed frustratingly unaware.

Nick decided to try again. He double checked the lock on their dorm-room door, then stripped off his pants and underwear. Then he spread out on his bed, hands folded behind his head to keep from 'cheating,' and closed his eyes. Perhaps if he tried fantasying about Jeff again his body would clue into the fact that this was the person he was in love with and give him the physical reaction that he needed. He searched his mind for a suitable image.

_Okay, Jeff in just that pair of snug boxer-briefs he's got. He looks incredible in those. They're almost like liaisons. Think about that dark fabric contrasting perfectly against his lightly-tanned skin. Picture him standing there, almost naked. Think about his long, slim body. His chest, the pert little brown nubs of his nipples, the slight bulge of his pecs. His hard stomach, and the way his abs are just visible at rest, but the way they tighten and flex when he laughs. Think about that thin swirl of hair around his bellybutton and the way it drops down into those black briefs. Picture the outline of his package. Think about the sag at the front where his balls are weighing it down. Imagine cupping his balls and rubbing your fingers across his chest and stomach. Now think about his long, sexy legs. Focus on his tan thighs as they descend from his briefs, the way the thin blond hairs are just visible against his skin. Think about the muscular swell of his calves, and the way his legs gracefully flow into his ankles and then his feet._

Nick opened his eyes and glared at his limp dick. _Nothing._ He grunted in frustration, angry at the way his body was reacting, or rather _wasn't _reacting. He decided to try thinking about Jeff from behind instead. Maybe he was more of an ass kind of guy.

_Okay, follow Jeff's legs back up, but this time from behind. Think about the rounded slope of the back of his calves, the delicate skin on the backs of his knees. Now think about the harder, thicker muscles that make up the backs of his thighs, the way that strong muscle leads upward and forms his ass. Focus on his ass. Think about how the fabric of those boxer-briefs stretches over each hard globe and how you can just make out the separation. Look a little bit higher at the way his back muscles slope down and form the tantalizing upper cleft of his ass. Imagine squeezing that ass. Imagine grinding against it while you grip his narrow waist. Feel his body in your arms as you hands travel up to his broad shoulders and lightly-muscled back. Now think about his arms. Imagine running your fingers along them. Feel the rounded bones of his shoulders, let your fingers dip down to his biceps. Trail lower over his skin, feel the hardness and strength in his forearms. Think about how it feels to lace your fingers together with his._

As Nick had expected he didn't feel anything from his fantasy until the thought of holding Jeff's hands caused the first surge of interest to pulse in his still-limp equipment. He sighed, but knew what he needed to do.

_Okay, imagine his face. Think about the way his light bangs hang down just over his dark blond eyebrows. Think about the way they arc perfectly over his bright, expressive brown eyes. The way his eyes sparkle with flecks of orange and gold when he's excited or happy. The way his nose perfectly accentuates his angular face. Think about the soft line of his mouth that spreads so breathtakingly into that killer smile of his. The way his whole face lights up and the skin at the edge of lips and the corners of his eyes kinda crinkles. Think about the way it felt kissing him that time, your lips together, your tongues together. The way it felt connecting with him like that, breathing the same breath he had just breathed, fingers running through each other's hair. Tenderly rubbing. Affectionately clinging. Erotically clawing._

Nick glanced down and realized that he was now rock hard, the head of his cock pressing against his lower abdomen and practically twitching to be played with. Nick couldn't figure out what was going on. Why hadn't the mental images of Jeff's almost naked body done anything for him? Why had it taken thoughts of Jeff's face and hands and the way it felt to kiss him and hold him to get him going? Nick didn't know, but he was too turned on now to care.

He squirted some lotion into his palm and began jerking himself off, thinking about Jeff's fingers tangled together with his own, thinking about Jeff's smiling, happy face looking down at him. Finally he thought about Jeff's lips pressed against his, Jeff's tongue slipping inside his mouth. Nick gasped and fired a thick, creamy load all over his chest and stomach, soaking the shirt he hadn't bothered to remove.

Nick sighed contentedly and peeled off his shirt, using it to clean up. Despite the intensity of his relief and the flood of endorphins that followed, he was still completely confused about his feelings for Jeff. It felt like what Nick had always assumed being in love would feel like; it was perfect emotionally. There was no denying the fact that Jeff definitely gave him a giant 'emotional boner.' It just didn't make sense that Nick's body wasn't behaving the way it should have to non-emotional stuff. Physically, Jeff's body didn't make Nick react at all like a girl's body would have. Without the emotional context, Jeff's body didn't really seem to do anything for him sexually. He could tell that Jeff was very good looking, but try as he might he couldn't turn Jeff into any kind of a sex object. Of course Nick knew that the emotional connection was probably more important than physically objectifying Jeff anyway, but it still didn't quite feel the way it should have felt. He had always thought that when he fell in love with someone, that the person's physical being would be just as important and attractive in its own right.

Nick frowned and decided to take a shower. He wanted to be fresh and clean for when they cuddled and watched that movie later. If he hurried he would have time to go down to the little convenience shop at the end of the quad and pick up Jeff's favorite candy. He knew that would make Jeff smile, and maybe even earn him some extra snuggles.

**-000-**

_Late May, 2011_

"You look fine," Nick assured Jeff as he came up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. They were about to leave for a graduation party being held in the Warbler common room and it was clear to Nick that Jeff was on the verge of a small panic attack. He had already changed his shirt three times and he kept styling and restyling his hair. Grooming and fashion aside he also couldn't seem to stand still.

"M-maybe you s-should go without me," Jeff stammered, first turning to look at Nick but then dropping his eyes to the floor.

"Jeff-"

"N-no really. Go. I...I'm not feeling well," Jeff insisted as he started to unbutton his most recent shirt selection.

Nick gently grabbed his fingers, stopping him and succeeding in drawing eye contact.

"We don't have to go if you don't want to – seriously I'm fine with staying here if that's what you'd rather do – but I'm not going without you."

"You have to go," Jeff insisted shaking his head and lightly squeezing Nick's fingers. It may have been because he was protesting what Nick had said that most of the strength had returned to his voice; although, Nick couldn't help but hope that just maybe some of Jeff's renewed confidence had to do with the fact that he was holding Nick's hand. Jeff continued making his point. "Thad, David, and Wes are all graduating. You have to go see them one last time. Plus he says he hasn't decided for sure yet, but we all know Blaine is most likely going to be transferring to McKinley to be with Kurt next year. I don't want you to miss saying goodbye to everyone because of me."

"Dude, after tonight I'm not going to be seeing _you_ for like a month. No offense to the other guys, but that's a much bigger deal to me. We're hanging together tonight, Jeffy – no matter what," Nick insisted, letting go of Jeff's hand but draping an arm around his neck and leaning against him as they stared at their reflections in the full length mirror on the back of Jeff's closet door.

On the outside Nick was grinning at Jeff in the mirror, determined to see a smile on the blond's face. On the inside, however, Nick felt close to freaking out too, not because of the party of course, but because Jeff leaving for a month really was a big deal. They had finished their last finals a couple of hours ago and the next morning they would be leaving campus. Ordinarily that wouldn't have kept them apart for too long. Jeff lived a fairly good distance away from Nick, just outside of Cincinnati, but they routinely drove to visit each other during holidays. Typically it would be Jeff who would come to see Nick and stay for a few days since it also served as a break from his family. Only rarely did Nick spend much time at the Sterlings' home, usually only when Jeff wasn't allowed to leave.

However, for this particular summer things were going to be different. In two days' time Jeff and his brother John would be flying to Spokane, Washington to spend a few weeks with their older half-sister, Robyn. News of the trip had come only recently and Nick knew that Jeff was both extremely excited and extremely nervous about the visit. Jeff hadn't seen Robyn in person since before he was John's age, but he had a lot of happy childhood memories of her which he had shared with Nick.

"Let's go to the party," Jeff said quietly, interrupting Nick from his thoughts.

"It might be really nice for us to just hang out by ourselves here," Nick answered sincerely, suddenly very much liking the idea. It hadn't occurred to him before because he had always just assumed that they would go to the party, but as he thought about his impending separation from Jeff a major part of him just wanted to wrap the blond up in his arms and not let go until they had to say goodbye.

"No, I'm just being stupid. We really should go," Jeff insisted, anxiety and determination warring for control of his face.

"You're not being stupid, Jeffy, but how come you're so nervous about this party? We've been to lots of Warbler parties." As he spoke Nick led Jeff away from the closet and over to his bed. He realized that he could kill two birds with one stone by finding out what was wrong with Jeff and also using it as an excuse to cuddle for a little while. In recent days they hadn't needed a whole lot of excuses to hug or hold each other, so a serious talk about feelings would definitely qualify.

Nick pulled Jeff down on the bed next to him and they lay facing each other. Almost instantly Nick felt himself physically responding as they established eye contact, their faces only inches apart. Nick was kind of amazed by his own self-control; all he wanted to do was close the small distance and seal his mouth over Jeff's. Instead he gave him an affectionate smile and rubbed his side. "What's different about this party?"

"Alcohol. David said he was going to sneak some in, but I've never drunk before. I'm scared if I don't drink the other guys will make fun of me, but I'm scared if I do drink I'll give away my secret. I just don't know what it's gonna do to me." Jeff spoke softly, but without any hesitation and his eyes never left Nick's. Nick could practically _feel_ how much Jeff trusted him and apart from making his heart flutter it made him feel like he had a lead pipe in his pants.

With herculean effort Nick managed to avoid kissing Jeff as he scooted in closer and pressed their foreheads together. As he did so, Jeff edged forward to meet him and his shirt bunched up enough to leave Nick's hand resting on the bare skin of his side, just above his waist. Right away Jeff readjusted his shirt to cover himself, but Nick couldn't bring himself to let go – it just felt too good. Instead he casually left his hand in place which resulted in it too being covered by Jeff's shirt. Jeff's eyes widened briefly in evident surprise, but he seemed untroubled.

A sigh escaped Nick's mouth. Jeff's skin felt _so_ good beneath his hand – warm, tingly, alive with energy. He gently curled his fingers around the smooth, lean flesh and could just feel the curve of Jeff's back where it began dipping in slightly to form the small of his back. Nick cursed himself for never having tried to find a way to cuddle with Jeff shirtless before. Now he would have to wait at least a month if not longer.

"I love you," Nick whispered, still staring into Jeff's glittering brown eyes.

"I love you too," Jeff whispered back, his breath caressing Nick's lips.

_Oh god, kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him! This is the perfect moment. KISS HIM!_

"Are you going to do it?" Jeff asked softly.

"Is it okay?" Nick whispered for final confirmation as he shut his eyes and braced himself. His heart was racing. This was finally going to happen.

"Of course, but if you do, I won't," Jeff answered, speaking in a normal tone of voice and making Nick flinch both at the words and their unexpected volume.

"Um, what?" Nick asked, opening his eyes and furrowing his brow.

"I just don't think we should both drink tonight. If one of us stays sober he can keep an eye on the other one," Jeff explained.

"Good point," Nick answered. He frowned and rolled onto his back, letting go of Jeff's waist as the moment passed.

"You should drink if you want to. It kinda gives me an excuse not to, and you'll probably have more fun than I would," Jeff reasoned also rolling onto his back, but taking Nick's hand with his own and playfully bouncing them on the mattress.

Nick smiled in spite of the situation and turned his head to look at his best friend. "Thanks, Jeff. That's cool of you," he said letting his thumb lightly stroke over Jeff's knuckles, but otherwise doing his best to hide his feelings.

**-000-**

**End Note: The chapter was a bit challenging for me as I tried to get into Nick's feelings. I hope it came out the way I intended. Please let me know what you thought. Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5: Your Touch

**Can't Fight These Feelings**

**A/N: Hi all, here's chapter 5. This chapter kept expanding, much like the story itself. The entire story was originally supposed to be finished by around the 5th chapter with this many words or fewer, but I think I'm only about one quarter to one third of the way through, so there's still a lot more to go. I hope you enjoy it and I'm very grateful for the reviews, feedback, and follows, etc.**

**Chapter 5 – Your Touch**

_Early June, 2011_

"Honey, I'm sure Jeff's fine," Sandra Duval affirmed as she rolled her wheelchair into the kitchen and positioned it at the table across from Nick.

"What do you mean?" Nick asked casually as he held up his phone. "I'm just playing Angry Birds."

"Which you've already won," his mom pointed out.

"It's a classic," Nick answered with a shrug as he absently launched another feathered projectile.

"Or maybe you want to be on your phone so you'll see the instant he texts you?" Sandra guessed.

Nick sighed, irritated that his mom had figured him out and even more frustrated with the situation. "Why do you think he won't answer my messages?"

"How long has it been since he answered?" his mom asked.

"Since last night!" Nick declared, scandalized. He huffed in frustration and tossed his phone onto the table.

"Honey it's only a little after 11am right now. He's in Washington state. That makes it around 8am there, and it's summer. I'm sure he's not even awake yet."

"Stupid timezones," Nick muttered, picking his phone back up to text Jeff again. He had already texted him three times that morning so now that his mom had pointed it out, Nick wanted to send Jeff a fourth text to let him know that he understood about the time difference thing.

"Nick, this is only the second day he's been away. He'll be gone for what, three weeks? You know you'll drive yourself insane if you act like this the entire time he's gone."

"Three more weeks and two more days," Nick answered with a frown. He also knew it would be about four and a half hours into that day until Jeff's plane touched down, but he didn't want to sound lame by verbally counting the hours and minutes too.

"Baby, you've got to try to relax. I wish there was something I could do to help."

"Well there is one little thing," Nick answered with a sly smirk.

"What's that?"

"Let's go on a summer vacation! I hear Spokane is beautiful this time of year," Nick remarked with a grin.

Sandra laughed. "I'm sure it is, but I think traveling to the other side of the country just because you miss Jeff might be a little bit extreme."

"But mom, I _really_ miss him," Nick responded giving her his best puppy dog eyes.

"I'm sorry, Nick, but even if we could it wouldn't be right. Let him enjoy his time with his sister."

Nick shrugged. "But mom, I bet he'd be happier if I was there. He gets really shy around new people and he barely knows Robyn. Plus he has to put up with that demon spawn brother of his."

"Honey, I know this is tough, but learning to be away from the people we love sometimes is a part of growing up."

Nick gasped in surprised. "What makes you think I'm in love with Jeff?"

Sandra regarded him curiously. "I only meant as a friend...Why _are_ you in love with Jeff?"

"I-I don't know," Nick admitted. It felt strange talking to his mom about this, but it also felt kind of nice being able to get it out in the open.

"Well honey, you know it's completely fine if you are. I don't want you to feel like you need to hide it or anything. I'd be happy for you, and I know Maggie and your dad would be too."

"It's not that...I know it's okay, but I seriously just don't know for sure," Nick answered. "It's really confusing."

"These things always are," Sandra answered knowingly. "Do you want to talk about it? It might help."

"I think it's just something I need to figure out in my head," Nick answered, thinking how awkward it would be to try to explain to his mom how his emotions and sexual feelings didn't seem to be in line.

"Okay baby, I won't pry, but please feel free to talk to me about it anytime, and promise me that whatever you figure out, you'll accept and respect about yourself." Sandra reached across the table and took his hand as she gave him a serious look.

"I will, mom. I promise," Nick answered, giving her hand a soft squeeze. He knew his dad would have told him something similar and he felt grateful to have such accepting parents. He wished Jeff could have such a close relationship with his own family. Nick thought about it for a little while longer and realized that there was something else he wanted to discuss with his mom. Something he had been curious about for a long time. "Hey mom, can I ask you something different though?"

"Of course, Nick. What is it?" his mom answered with a reassuring smile.

"Well, I know this is kinda awkward but...what happened with you and dad? I mean why did you guys split up?" Nick felt weird asking, but he also felt weird not knowing. He still wasn't sure what had happened besides the fact that they were fighting more and more often. However, the arguments he overheard had always seemed to be about something different, and usually something relatively minor. Then when his parents had told him and Maggie the news that they were divorcing they had been vague on the reason.

"That's a tough question," Sandra answered, seeming surprised and thrown off balance by the query.

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay," Nick said right away. Part of the reason he had asked was to find out how she was doing with his dad's upcoming remarriage and the last thing he wanted to do was cause his mom any more pain by bringing up bad memories.

"No, you have a right to know," his mom answered. "It's just complicated, but I'll try to explain it."

"Okay," Nick said softly, flipping his phone face down on the table so that he wouldn't be tempted to check it. He wanted to give his mom his full attention. He was excited to finally hear what had happened, but he was nervous at the same time. He could feel his palms starting to sweat and he realized his leg was fidgeting.

"I suppose the short answer is that we gradually grew in different directions. We wanted different things from life, things the other person couldn't really provide anymore."

"Like what?"

"Well, your father wanted a more traditional, idealized version of married life. He wanted us to have candlelit dinners, and travel to exotic places, and sit and talk for hours, or just be together quietly. He was always very romantic that way."

"But you didn't want that?" Nick asked, thinking that those things sounded like something anyone would want with their spouse.

Sandra laughed. "Well it certainly sounds good on paper, but no to be honest I didn't. He wanted us to essentially spend all our free time together...but my favorite hobbies, the things I enjoy doing the most...well they're more solitary activities, like reading, or writing, or even editing."

Nick nodded; that made sense too. His mom was an executive editor with a large publishing company and he knew that she was also working on writing a novel series – which she hadn't let anyone see yet – in her spare time. When she wasn't doing those things she was always reading or researching something. Nick was glad she had a job and hobbies like that because it meant that despite the fact that she was now wheelchair-bound she could still easily do the things she loved.

"Nick, I want you to know that being a mother has been the biggest blessing in my life. I couldn't possibly be any prouder of you and Maggie and I cherish every moment we spend together. And I really and truly loved Ian...I still do. But as I've gotten older I've realized something important about myself."

"What's that?"

"I just don't want to be a wife. It's not that I don't want to be your father's wife; I don't want to be _anyone's _wife. I like having the bed to myself. I like making everyday decisions without consulting anyone. And when you and Maggie aren't home...well I like spending the evening quietly by myself."

"So you like being alone?" Nick asked, furrowing his brow as he tried to make sense of what she was saying.

"Yes. Again I'm _always_ here for you and Maggie, and I'd still be there for Ian if he needed me for something, but yes, I do like being alone. You know baby, being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely. I have lots of wonderful people in my life and I seldom feel lonely. So yes, at the end of the day I do like settling into bed alone and having time to myself."

"So you and dad broke up because _you_ just didn't feel like you wanted to be married anymore?" Nick felt himself getting mad and he knew he was scowling and glaring at his mom. His parents' divorce had torn him and Maggie into pieces and what she was saying sounded so selfish to him. It also made him feel guilty for all the times he had been angry at his dad when clearly it hadn't been his fault.

"Nick, I...I'm sorry. I tried to subjugate my feelings for as long as I could. Your dad and I tried to work out a schedule of us-time, versus alone-time...But I just wasn't happy, and Ian wasn't either. We both deserved better, and you and Maggie deserved-"

"Don't!" Nick yelled as he stood up from the table, nearly knocking down his chair in the process. "Don't try to act like you did this for us so you can make yourself feel better. Me and Maggie were _happy_ with the way things were. Do you know how hard this has been on us? Especially on her? Because the bottom line is you made a commitment to dad, and to us, and you decided to just blow it off so you could sit around and read your stupid books!"

"Nick, wait!" Sandra called as Nick stormed out of the room.

Nick walked straight to the front door, grabbing his keys from the rack as he passed it. He needed to be anywhere but at his mom's house. He slammed the door as hard as he could and ran down the driveway to his car. He was grateful that his parents had gotten him the vehicle a few months earlier. As he ripped open the door and threw himself inside he realized that in his anger he had left his phone on the kitchen table. There was no way he was going back inside the house though, so he just backed out and drove straight to his dad's home.

**-000-**

_Late June, 2011_

"Jeff's here!" Nick shouted as he raced from the living room and out the front door to meet him in the driveway.

Jeff had actually returned to Ohio the day before, but had been unable to convince his parents to let him go and visit Nick that same day. If he hadn't known better, Nick would have actually taken that as a good sign to indicate that the Sterlings had missed their son and wanted to spend time with him. Nick had trouble swallowing that idea though. Knowing Mr. Sterling, Nick thought it was more likely that he wanted Jeff to help slaughter a fatted calf in honor of _John's_ return.

"JEFFY!" Nick yelled as he pulled open Jeff's car door and practically wrenched the blond out of his seat in his enthusiasm to hug him. As soon as Nick's arms wrapped around Jeff he felt that familiar surge of energy and happiness that he had been desperately longing for all month.

"I missed you so much, Nick," Jeff whispered, his mouth inches from Nick's ear as he squeezed him tightly. Everything about the embrace felt so right to Nick. He had known that he missed Jeff and the way holding Jeff made him feel, but it wasn't until that instant that he realized just how much he had missed all the little things about him, like the way he smelled and the way he always leaned his head against Nick's when they hugged, or the way he seemed to take deeper breathes whenever they embraced, breathes that were so deep in fact that Nick could feel them against his chest and under his fingers.

"Ahem!" Maggie coughed loudly from a few feet behind Nick. "Lonely girl over here missing her gay bestie."

Jeff giggled and Nick reluctantly released him so that Maggie could get a turn. Nick tried not to be jealous when Maggie whispered something in his ear that got a hardy chuckle in response.

"Welcome back, Jeff," Nick's dad said as he too stepped forward to greet the boy. Jeff held out his hand to shake, but Ian scoffed and pulled him in for a hug, patting his back gregariously.

"Where do you want to go for your welcome home dinner, Jeff?" Ian asked as he squeezed Jeff's shoulder.

"Oh uh...I don't need any dinner," Jeff answered, blushing more deeply.

"So you gave up eating while you were in Washington?" Maggie teased.

"Well I guess I could eat," Jeff conceded.

"Great, you decided where you want to go. I'm going to call Cathy and have her meet us," Ian stated as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.

"You know what? I'm suddenly not feeling hungry after all," Maggie remarked as she scowled petulantly at their dad. Nick frowned. He was sick of Maggie always giving Cathy the cold shoulder and trying to make their dad feel guilty.

"Maggie you have to eat, and we're not just leaving you here alone," Ian insisted as he too frowned at his daughter.

"Fine, then drop me off at mom's on the way," Maggie answered, folding her arms across her chest.

"It's your weekend to stay with me," Ian reminded her.

"So you're saying I'm not allowed to see my own mother?" Maggie snapped, glaring at the man. "If you're so worried about losing some precious time with your girlfriend then Nick can take me."

"Maggie it's-" Ian started.

"I will not," Nick huffed, cutting off his dad as he shot a hard look at his sister. "Quit being such a brat, Margaret."

"Oh you're one to talk!" Maggie sneered. "_You_ just don't want to see mom."

"But dad didn't do anything wrong!" Nick insisted. He didn't see any point in denying the fact that he was still avoiding his mom. He had been angry with her ever since she had told him the reason for her and his dad's divorce.

"Neither did mom!" Maggie countered.

"Maggie," Jeff said softly as he touched her shoulder. "I'd really appreciate it if you came too. I've missed you and I want to catch up. It wouldn't be the same without you."

Nick felt like chiming in that they were better off without her, but he took a deep breath and composed himself instead. When he glanced back at his sister he realized that she too was trying to calm herself down and suddenly he felt like a jerk for yelling at her.

"Okay Jeff. For you," Maggie answered a little while later, giving him a small smile.

"Actually, I'm sure Cathy will understand if it's just us tonight. I'll get together with her tomorrow," Ian interjected in a conciliatory tone as he turned his attention to his daughter. "And of course you can see your mom whenever you want, honey. I just want to spend all the time I can with you."

The rest of the evening went off without a hitch with Jeff enthusiastically recounting his adventures in Spokane. Robyn had even taken them on a day trip to Seattle and Jeff had gotten to take in the sights and go to the various museums. Apparently one of the highlights of his trip had been when they ate in the spinning restaurant at the top of the Space Needle and John had been terrified and refused to look out while Jeff and Robyn had enjoyed the view and happily pressed their faces against the glass.

"I tell you she's the coolest sister ever, Nick!" Jeff said as they were getting ready for bed that night. "She likes music and art and we got to go to a play. She even straight up ripped John a new one the first day when he called me names and tried to trip me. It was the most amazing thing ever. I don't think anyone's ever talked to him like that. He barely spoke the rest of the trip, but like Robyn and I had so much stuff to talk about. I feel kind of guilty, but it was so much fun seeing him be the odd man out for once instead of me."

"Nothing wrong with that, man," Nick insisted as he sat next to Jeff on the bed and leaned against his shoulder. "John's a little shit. He totally had it coming. I wish I coulda seen his face when she let him have it."

Jeff chortled and grinned at Nick. "I actually thought about taking a picture of it and texting you, but I thought that would be mean."

"You shoulda done it!" Nick declared.

"So guess what I told Robyn?" Jeff prompted, changing the subject.

"That you want to live with her instead of your parents?" Nick guessed smiling, but feeling queasy at the possibility. He was relieved when Jeff laughed and shook his head.

"Nah, I'd miss you too much, Nicky," Jeff said as he wrapped an arm around Nick's back. "No, I told her I was gay."

"Whoa! Seriously? Wow!" Nick exclaimed, wide-eyed. He was pretty sure Robyn was only the second person Jeff had ever told. Nick himself had informed Maggie and their parents for him.

"Yeah, we went to this production of _Avenue Q_. John didn't even come. He hung out with Kyle," Jeff explained. Nick nodded, remembering that Kyle was Robyn's boyfriend. "Anyway when it was over we went to dinner and we were talking about the play and stuff. I think she actually already suspected, but she didn't push it or anything. She was just so supportive of the issues and everything, that it just felt so right to tell her."

"That's amazing, Jeffy!" Nick answered as he wrapped his own arm around Jeff, their hips and sides now pressing together. He found himself wishing they could sleep together that night and cuddle, but he knew as soon as they were done chatting Jeff would be going to the guestroom to sleep. Nick dismissed the idle thought and refocused on the important information Jeff was telling him. "So I'm guessing she was supportive, huh?"

"So supportive! She basically told me that the rest of our family were prejudiced jackasses – she's so outspoken! – and that I would always have a place to stay with her if I ever needed to get away."

"Well Jeff you could-"

"I know, Nick," Jeff interrupted, smiling at him fondly. "And I would come to you and your parents first. It just feels good to know someone in my family actually likes me the way I am."

Nick took the remark as a pretext to reassure Jeff, and pulled him backward onto the bed, snuggling him. Now that he had him back he couldn't get enough of touching him.

"I better get to bed," Jeff announced a few minutes, sighing and patting the hand Nick had on his chest as he shifted to get up. Nick held him gently, but firmly in place and leaned his face against the side of Jeff's head. Being with Jeff like this again made Nick feel complete in a way he hadn't felt since the last time they had held each other. It was almost painful to think that Jeff was about to leave again, even if it was just for the night.

"You're already in a bed," Nick whispered into the soft, blond nest of hair a few inches from Jeff's ear. Nick's eyes fluttered shut as he enjoyed the amazing aroma of Jeff's hair; it was an intoxicating cocktail of citrus and 'essence of Jeff,' and Nick felt himself getting hard as he nuzzled closer.

"I don't want to be in your way," Jeff murmured, his body going slack in Nick's arms as he melted into him.

"Does it feel like you're in my way?" Nick responded, barely audible as he moved his face slightly and his lips brushed over the shell of Jeff's ear. The situation felt so intimate to Nick that he thought his heart might burst and his cock was throbbing now.

Nick wasn't sure how long it lasted, but for several minutes he lost himself completely in everything he was feeling, relishing the sheer perfection of the situation. It was even better than when they would cuddle and watch movies because this time there was nothing distracting him and he didn't have to try to pretend that he was paying attention to anything other Jeff. Unfortunately all too soon he felt Jeff tensing up again.

"I-I really better go," Jeff said in a strained voice as he sat up. In doing so Nick's hand, which had become heavy and relaxed, fell from Jeff's chest and into his lap.

"Oh!" Nick exclaimed as his eyes shot open and he felt the hardness present just below the surface of Jeff's pajama pants. Nick sat up too, removing his hand from it's awkward placement in the process.

"God, I'm so sorry, Nick!" Jeff rushed to explain in a hurried voice, his face already bordering on lobster red. "It's just it's been a few days since I- Well I mean I guess I just...And we were so close and it just sort of hap-but I would never...I mean if I crossed a line...I'm really sorry."

"Jeff, it's completely normal," Nick insisted, raising his arms to Jeff's shoulders in comfort. He was dismayed when Jeff flinched away from the contact. "I actually..." he trailed off and looked pointedly at his crotch. Nick was sporting a very large tent of his own, a small patch of skin along his shaft was even visible where the fly of his pajamas strained to contain him. Nick blushed, not having realized that particular fact before he had called Jeff's attention to it.

Jeff gasped and his eyes bulged as he took in Nick's state. "I-I'm gonna go."

"Jeff wait, no!" Nick tried to stop him, but Jeff quickly left the room and Nick felt too embarrassed to follow him. Nick's heart was racing and he was worried about what Jeff was thinking or feeling. He was uncertain about what to do at first, but he soon decided to send him a text. Maybe it would be less awkward for Jeff than talking in person.

Nick: We r ok rite? I mean thers noway a coupla boners can cum between us.

As soon as he sent the message Nick face palmed himself as he realized his unfortunate word choice and abbreviation. To his relief Jeff responded before he had much time to agonize over it.

Jeff: Of course we're fine. Lets just pretend this never happened.

Nick frowned. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to pretend it hadn't happened. He actually _liked_ that it had happened because it felt like his feelings and his body were in sync for once, and it made him even happier knowing that Jeff seemed to have been on the same page. On the other hand Nick was pretty sure that his own reaction had again been emotionally induced, as well as perhaps a response to the physical sensations. It still hadn't felt like a completely sexual, lust-based arousal, not in the same way he would have felt if he had been watching porn or even just checking out girls.

Nick: Ok. Gnite Jeffy. And heres a completly unrelated, inocent fact 4 u. Theres sum hand lotion n the drawer by ur bed ;-)

Nick chuckled to himself, pleased with his slightly teasing, slightly suggestive text. Humor aside though, Nick had a situation of his own he needed to handle. He slid off his pants and pulled the bottle of lube out of his bedside table. As he stroked himself his thoughts stayed on Jeff and he wondered what it would have been like if Jeff had stayed and they had done this together. It actually felt more weird than erotic at first, but as he thought about kissing Jeff, and how intimate it would be to share the act together he found himself getting much more turned on. Then it occurred to him that just maybe at that very same moment Jeff might be on the edge of his own orgasm and with that thought in mind Nick moaned and shot hard, releasing a thick spray of cum all over his still-trembling chest.

_I hope it feels really good for you too, Jeffy,_ Nick thought to himself as cleaned up and turned off his light.

The next day was blissfully normal for Nick. He and Jeff woke up around mid-morning and cooked a late breakfast together. Then they splashed around in Nick's pool for a couple of hours. Nick still remembered with amusement the first time he had tried to get Jeff to swim after eating. Jeff had been worried that the old wives tale about getting cramps and drowning might occur if they ate and then swam, but Nick had assured him that since they were just relaxing and messing around it wasn't too dangerous. He had also reasoned that if anything happened to one of them, the other could save him, and it was extremely unlikely that they would both start drowning at the same time.

While they wrestled and splashed around, Nick once again found himself carefully checking out Jeff's body, hoping for the type of reaction he had experienced the night before. Jeff was wearing only a pair of blue swim trunks and the way they were clinging to him often left little to the imagination. Alas, despite this Nick _didn't_ find himself getting turned on. He even playfully splashed Jeff in the face and neck a few times just so that he could watch the rivulets of water slowly cascade down his lightly-tanned chest and over the shallow ridges of his abs, which Nick did notice had gotten more defined over the last few months, but which unfortunately registered in his brain as objective information instead of erotic stimulation.

Nick couldn't figure it out. He knew Jeff had a nice body and he had always seen movies and heard stories of people playing around in the pool with their crushes and getting worked up. Why wasn't he getting worked up? On the other hand, his desire to be intimate with Jeff was certainly just as strong as ever. Once when he had Jeff pinned against the side of the pool it had taken all of his will power not to close the small distance and kiss him. He also couldn't get enough of Jeff's hands on his skin, especially when Jeff touched his chest or grazed his hips.

When Jeff climbed out of the pool that afternoon to towel himself off he had his back turned to Nick while drying off his hair. Nick immediately stared at Jeff's ass while simultaneously mentally focusing on his own equipment and trying to will an erection._ Come on look at that! You can see like the whole groove of his crack the way his shorts are clinging to him. You _know_ you want to hit that. Come on look how hot he looks all wet and glistening and almost naked. Think about how it would be to-_

"Uh Nick?...what are you doing?"

Maggie's voice cut through his thoughts like a chainsaw through an ice sculpture. He had been so fixated on Jeff that he had forgotten that she had come outside a few minutes earlier to sun herself by the pool while she read a book. To Nick's horror Jeff also turned around to glance at him in response to Maggie's inquiry.

"Oops, guess I zoned out. I was just prepondering that whole 'if God made a giant boulder so big he couldn't lift it' thing."

"Prepondering huh?" Jeff asked with a smirk on his face as he pulled a t-shirt over his head. "So you're really going to think about it later and this was just the preliminary pondering?"

"Yeah. I didn't wanna rush into a spiritual quagmoat like that without doing some prepondering," Nick answered with a decisive nod, happy to go along with Jeff's guess so that he could get out of the embarrassing situation.

"Nickface, you should be arrested for your crimes against language," Maggie remarked as she returned her attention to her book.

"Don't worry, Nicky. If they ever do lock you up I'll make it my personal mission to _deliberate _you," Jeff remarked with a grin as he walked around the pool and sat down on the lounge chair next to Maggie's.

"Thanks Jeffy, I knew I could count on you. Just make sure you decapitate a good plan before you come for me. I wouldn't want them to ingratiate you too."

"I'll usury every resourcefulness at my dispersal," Jeff answered, biting his lip and trembling with barely contained laughter.

"Oh good lord!" Maggie growled as she snapped her book shut and glared at both boys. She wordlessly stood up and strode back inside the house.

"She's so much fun to mess with," Nick remarked as he climbed out of the pool and shook himself off dog style. To Nick's delight Jeff didn't seem annoyed by the light shower he received as a result.

They spent another half hour or so hanging out by the pool before Jeff said that he needed to get going so that he could start his long drive back to his parents' house. Nick tried to convince him to stay another night, but he insisted that his parents wanted him home and he didn't want to push his luck. Nick had to agree with that sentiment since the last thing he wanted was for the Sterlings to get mad and refuse to let Jeff visit at all for the rest of the summer.

After bidding his friend farewell Nick went up to his room, but no sooner had he started playing a video game than Maggie was knocking on his door. Nick paused his game and told her to come in.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Maggie asked as she sat down in Nick's desk chair and regarded him with a gentle look.

"Tell you want?" Nick asked nonchalantly though he was pretty sure he knew what she was talking about.

"That you're gay," Maggie answered, leaning forward in the chair and making eye contact with Nick. "I know we've been fighting more lately, but you could have talked to me about it...I'm always here for you, Nickface."

"Thanks sis, but I'm not gay," Nick answered with a shrug.

"Oh get real. I saw the way you were looking at Jeff's butt earlier," Maggie countered.

"Yeah, I was," Nick admitted. "But it didn't work. Like nothing happened when I looked at."

"Well what did you think would happen? Fireworks and cannons?"

"Listen, I know it's a little different with girls, Mag, but when a guy looks at something that turns him on he gets-"

"Oh god, don't you dare finish that sentence. I like my ears. I don't want to have to stick icepicks in them."

"All I'm saying is, _that_ didn't happen," Nick explained. "And I was even trying to make it happen."

"Seriously Nick, we're getting precariously close to me needing those icepicks." Maggie held up her hands defensively. "Why were you checking him out then?"

"Well like I said, I _wanted_ it to happen. It just didn't. It's really frustrating."

"So you want to be gay?" Maggie asked tilting her head and looking at him curiously.

"I don't know. Maybe not completely, but I want to be gay _for Jeff_," Nick answered. He blushed but decided to try to explain the rest of the predicament to his sister since she already knew the most embarrassing part. "I think I'm in love with him."

"Evidently not," Maggie remarked shaking her head. "You were here for the icepick portion of today's conversation weren't you?"

"I think about him all the time. I want to _kiss_ him and _hold_ him, and it's like electricity when we touch. I felt like a chunk of my heart was missing while he was in Washington. I see his face when I close my eyes to go to sleep at night and he's the first thing I think about when I wake up. Whenever my phone goes off my heart skips a beat because it might be him texting. As soon as anything even remotely interesting happens in my life I start imagining telling him about it and trying to guess how he'll react." Nick finished his little speech and looked at his sister expectantly. "So what would you call that then?"

Maggie smiled and nodded. "Okay yeah, you're in love with him. Congrats, Nickface, it sounds serious."

"It is, and it feels really great, but why doesn't...'little Nick' seem to know?"

Maggie groaned and scrunched up her face is distaste. "Can we please agree to not talk about your penis anymore during this conversation? Even euphemistically."

Nick gasped. "Oh my god! I would _never_ let anyone euphemize my penis."

"Maybe it's anxiety."

Nick huffed. "That's enough to make any guy anxious," he insisted, still shivering over the idea.

Maggie rolled her eyes and sighed. "Maybe it's anxiety that's causing your 'problem,'" she clarified. "Maybe you're psyching yourself out or putting too much pressure on yourself."

"Oh." Nick considered that for a little while. It certainly did feel like a lot was riding on the situation. He had even decided not to tell Jeff about his feelings until he got things completely worked out in his head. Maybe he was just making himself nervous.

Nick frowned as he thought about it more. That couldn't be right. There had been lots of calm, low-pressure times when something could have happened. Besides he did get hard when he focused more on the idea of being emotionally intimate with Jeff in general. That didn't seem to fit Maggie's theory, but he decided to take mercy on her and not mention those other points.

"Thanks, sis. I'm sure I'll figure stuff out," he said smiling and nodding at her to let her know she was off the hook. She stood up to leave.

"Okay, Nickface. But you know I'm in your corner on this right?" She leaned over and gave him a small hug.

"I know. I appreciate it," Nick answered as he returned the embrace.

**-000-**

_August, 2011_

"Ah Nick, nice to see you. How was your summer?" Ms. Henson, the school's head guidance counselor asked pleasantly as Nick walked into Dalton's opulent administrative hall.

"It was good, Ms. Henson. How 'bout yours?" Nick responded with a smile. He was surprised to find her waiting for him in the lobby. It was the day before classes were set to begin and like most students and faculty Nick had already returned to campus. He hadn't expected to receive the call summoning him here, and though he was pretty sure he hadn't done anything wrong, he couldn't help but feel anxious.

"Mine was nice too. Come with me. Headmaster Montgomery wants to see you," The woman said as she turned and began walking toward the main office, her heels clicking rhythmically against the marble floor. As he followed her Nick idly wondered if she wore those shoes just for the cool sound they made when she walked.

"Am I in some kinda trouble?" he asked nervously.

"No, not at all," Ms. Henson answered as she flashed him a reassuring smile over her shoulder. "We just need your help with something. Headmaster Montgomery asked me who I thought would be good for this project and as a Warbler – and one of the friendliest boys in the junior class I might add – you were the obvious choice."

"Oh uh, thanks, Ms. Henson. I'll be happy to do what I can," Nick answered, flattered by the compliment and thinking how cool it was to hear himself described as a junior for the first time.

Ms. Henson led them into the outer office and to the door that entered into Mr. Montgomery's private office. She knocked and waited for a response before opening the door and stepping aside to let Nick pass. Nick was disappointed when she didn't follow him in. He was a lot more comfortable around her than he was around the imposing headmaster.

Once inside Nick saw Headmaster Montgomery sitting behind his ornate desk with his trademark bored expression on his face. Sitting across from him in plush chairs were a middle-aged man in a gray suit that even Nick could tell was expensive, and a teenager about Nick's age wearing slacks and a pale blue, button-down shirt. By the look of them, the unknown pair seemed to be in a competition with Nick's headmaster over who could seem the most apathetic about life. In Nick's opinion it was a three way tie, but he was sure they wouldn't have cared.

"Nick, this is Mr. Smythe and his son Sebastian," Mr. Montgomery stated in a weary voice as he addressed Nick. It didn't escape Nick's attention that the headmaster glanced at a piece of paper in front of him before he spoke, probably needing the cue to remember Nick's name. Nick had never actually spoken directly to the headmaster before.

"Good to meet you, sir," Nick said as Mr. Smythe stood and extended his hand. Though his grip was firm and his smile was pleasant enough, Nick couldn't shake the feeling that Mr. Smythe was looking through him and couldn't have cared any less about who he was.

"It's very pleasurable to meet you too, Sebastian," Nick said as he turned his attention the tall teen.

Sebastian smirked and gave Nick a suggestive look as he took his hand. "Most people don't comment on how pleasurable I am until they've gotten to know me better, Nick, but I look forward to proving you correct."

Nick gaped slightly, as Sebastian winked at him. It was hard to miss the implication and Nick realized that his new classmate was openly gay, or at least openly bi. It didn't bother him of course, but he was surprised that Sebastian had flirted with him so casually while meeting him for the first time, yet alone in front of the headmaster.

"Seb," Mr. Smythe growled in a low voice before he leaned in close to his son and whispered something in his ear. Nick couldn't tell what he said, but whatever it was it made Sebastian frown and fold his arms as he sat back down. Mr. Smythe then looked between Headmaster Montgomery and Nick. "You'll have to forgive my son. He thinks it's amusing to be inappropriate."

"Nick, sit down," Headmaster Montgomery instructed as he nodded toward the empty chair next to Sebastian. "As I understand from reviewing your club documents you're on the Warbler Council this year."

"Yes, sir, with Trent and Blaine," Nick answered. Since Wes, Thad, and David had graduated at the end of the previous year that had meant an all new council. There were only a few incoming seniors and they weren't as actively involved as Nick and Trent. Blaine had been elected as head councilor by the other Warblers despite the well-known possibility that he might not be back this year.

"Blaine Anderson," Headmaster Montgomery said as he once again consulted the document on his desk for the name, "has transferred to a different school. That leaves the lead slot on the council open. I want Sebastian to fill it."

Nick blinked in surprise and inhaled sharply. "But the council is selected by Warbler vote...and Sebastian isn't even a Warbler."

"I don't care how you make it happen, Mr. Duval. I'm just telling you to see to it. Sebastian is extremely talented and has a very impressive resume. The Warblers will be lucky to have him. If you need to hold a vote to get him elected that's fine."

"But sir I-"

"I also want you to show him around campus today. Take him to the various rooms and buildings where he'll have classes, and show him the dining hall, auditorium, gymnasium, and other major buildings. Then help him get settled into his new dorm room."

Nick frowned and eyed the man speculatively. He was happy enough to help a new student get his bearings, but he couldn't figure out why it was being mandated by the headmaster, or why he was basically telling Nick to insist that Sebastian not only get into the Warblers, but get an important spot on its governing body. Why was the headmaster taking such an interest in Sebastian?

"If you will all excuse me for a moment," Mr. Montgomery said, mostly addressing the request to Mr. Smythe. "I'll go and print off his schedule and get his other orientation material."

Mr. Smythe nodded and the headmaster got up and left. Nick wondered why Sebastian's father seemed to have so much sway with the man.

"So Nick, what are the best gay clubs around here?" Sebastian inquired conversationally, but with a slight smirk on his face that led Nick to suspect that he was either trying to get a reaction out of his father, Nick, or both.

"Sebastian, why must you insist on airing your dirty laundry in front of strangers?" Mr. Smythe snapped at him.

"Oh that's rich, a housekeeping metaphor coming from a man who doesn't even know where our washing machine is located. And don't worry, dad, I'll behave in front of your new pet when he gets back, but I'm sure Nick isn't so uptight."

Nick shifted awkwardly in his seat, unsure if he should speak or not. "I uh, don't know of any clubs."

"Then maybe we can find one together," Sebastian remarked cocking an eyebrow at Nick and reaching out to place a hand on his knee.

"Sebastian! Stop that this instant. You're embarrassing yourself," Mr. Smythe hissed, keeping his volume down, but glaring daggers at his son.

Sebastian was smirking and looking very satisfied with himself and Nick was now reasonably certain that Sebastian's flirtation with him did indeed have more to do with upsetting his father than it did with actually trying to come on to him.

"Thanks, Sebastian, and I would like for us to be friends, but I'm not interested in anything else," Nick answered politely as he put his hand over Sebastian's and gave it a friendly squeeze before removing it from his knee.

A few moments later Headmaster Montgomery returned with a packet of information and handed it to Sebastian.

"If we're all set then I'll be going," Mr. Smythe announced as he rose to his feet. He turned his attention to Headmaster Montgomery. "Thank you for helping my son feel welcome. My accountant will be getting together with you regarding payment for his tuition and the other miscellaneous donations we discussed."

Realization hit Nick as he heard Mr. Smythe talking about donations. It had never occurred to Nick before that Dalton would accept donations in return for special treatment, but it seemed like the only explanation for Headmaster Montgomery's strange behavior and the request he had made about Sebastian and the Warblers.

"Sebastian, do you need anything before I go?" Mr. Smythe inquired, turning his attention to his son.

"I'm fine," Sebastian answered stiffly as he got to his own feet.

Nick watched with amusement as Mr. Smythe spread his arms for a hug, but Sebastian responded by merely grabbing one of his hands and shaking it. Mr. Smythe looked momentarily flustered and disappointed, but then he regained his composure and ruffled Sebastian's hair. "He's such a kidder," Mr. Smythe remarked to the others. "I'll see you next weekend, Sebastian. Be good. I love you."

Sebastian rolled his eyes and grabbed Nick's hand, pulling him up. "Come on, Nick, why don't you show me around?"

"Okay...Uh, bye," Nick said, turning and waving at the adults as he let Sebastian pull him out of the room.

"You don't really need to give me the tour," Sebastian said once he and Nick were outside. "I just wanted to get away from my dad. I hate it when he tries to use me to make himself look good, but you can go on about your business. They gave me this map with my classes highlighted."

"That's okay, I'm glad to help so you don't get lost," Nick answered.

Sebastian looked offended. "I've successfully navigated Paris, London, Berlin, and an array of other European cities without getting lost. I highly doubt a private school campus in Westerville, Ohio will give me any trouble."

"Wow, that sounds really cool, man!" Nick said enthusiastically, clapping Sebastian on the back and then draping his arm around his shoulders. "I'm sure you'd be fine then, but seriously let's go ahead and go through your schedule anyway and we can chat. I betcha don't know many people here yet, huh?"

"Yes, that was one of the things Dalton had going for it," Sebastian said dryly as he moved out from under Nick's arm and shot Nick a cold look.

"Come on, dude, don't be like that. Everybody needs friends, and hey if you're going to be in the Warblers then that's all the more reason for us to get to know each other." Nick stole a look at Sebastian's schedule. "Your first class isn't too far from here. Let's go."

"_I_ don't need friends," Sebastian countered as he nevertheless started following Nick toward where his first class would be the next day. "I never stay at a school more than a year or two before my father relocates us anyway. So unless you want to be fuck buddies, I don't see the point."

"No on the fuck buddies thing, but we really should be regular buddies. Besides staying for two years would put you graduating here," Nick answered as he did his best not to be offended by Sebastian's behavior. The guy was certainly rude, but there was something about him that made Nick feel like it was an act to keep people at arm's length. That combined with what he had already said about not having friends and moving all the time, plus the distant way he had interacted with his father, made Nick determined to reach out to him.

Sebastian sighed like Nick was being a massive inconvenience, but then allowed him to give his tour without further objection. Nick tried to chat with him as they walked, but Sebastian made it difficult by only responding with sarcastic remarks or one-word answers. Nick did manage to learn that in addition to the Warblers, Sebastian had also joined the lacrosse team. Once the topic of lacrosse and their glee club came up Sebastian got more responsive.

"My dad likes to make himself feel less guilty for toting me around from place to place like a piece of luggage by bribing all the schools I go to. I've never not been captain of my lacrosse team or glee club."

"That's not really fair," Nick stated honestly as he frowned at Sebastian. He hated the idea of someone just coming in and taking over the Warblers because his father had written a big check.

Sebastian shrugged, apparently untroubled by it. "No, I don't suppose it is, but that's how the world works. I assure you, however, that I'm a very good singer and lacrosse player. I basically deserve it anyway."

By this point the boys had finished their tour of Dalton's campus and were returning to their dorm rooms. Nick was surprised to see that not only was Sebastian staying in the same residence hall that he and Jeff stayed in, but he was only just across the hall and a couple of doors down.

"Looks like we're neighbors," Nick stated as he stood by Sebastian's room while the transfer student unlocked it.

"Perhaps I'll come over for some sugar then," Sebastian remarked with a wink as he opened the door.

Nick wasn't sure exactly how to answer, but Sebastian had been making occasional flirtatious remarks the entire time they walked around the school so Nick decided to just ignore it. In truth he found it preferable to the sarcastic, mean comments that Sebastian alternated with. So far Nick had only seen three modes of behavior from the guy: insulting, arrogant, or lecherous. Yet nevertheless, Nick somehow found himself growing to like Sebastian. He knew there had to be more to him than met the eye, and if there was one thing Nick couldn't resist doing it was drawing people out.

"Wow, you got alota stuff!" Nick commented as Sebastian flicked on the light and Nick followed him uninvited into the room. "It musta been a bitch carrying all this up here."

Sebastian laughed and looked at Nick like he was crazy. "My dad hired a company to do it. It arrived before I did, sometime last week I think."

"Your roommate wasn't annoyed with all these boxes everywhere for all that time?" Nick inquired as he tried to think of who else stayed in the room, but realized it had been occupied by two graduating seniors the year before. Maybe Sebastian's roommate hadn't moved in yet.

Sebastian laughed again and shook his head at Nick. "Private room."

"Dalton doesn't have private rooms," Nick informed him.

"Well then let's just say that this room has a vacancy that will remain unfilled."

Nick shrugged. "But you might get lonely."

"Oh I doubt that. I plan to do a great deal of entertaining. Speaking of, if you'd like to take off your pants I'm sure we can find something entertaining to occupy ourselves," Sebastian abruptly grabbed Nick's hips and pulled him in close. "Or we could occupy each other."

"Whoa man! Seriously, that is not cool!" Nick yelled as he pushed Sebastian away and jumped back. It was one thing for him to make insinuating remarks or crude statements, but outright touching Nick like that was way over the line. He glowered at Sebastian, shocked by what had just happened.

"Simmer down, Duval. I can take no for an answer," Sebastian answered casually as he began opening one of the boxes and ignoring Nick.

"I'm pretty sure I said no a bunch of times already," Nick pointed out. He still felt _violated_ in a way he had never experienced before. It wasn't even so much where Sebastian had touched him; it was the way he done it, as though Nick's consent was incidental. For a moment there Nick had thought that Sebastian was just going to do whatever he wanted to do, and considering that Sebastian had quite a few inches on Nick and felt surprisingly strong despite his slim build, Nick had actually been afraid that he wouldn't be able to stop him.

"The other no's weren't firm no's. I believed you meant it that time," Sebastian answered.

"Firm no's? What the hell kinda rapist comment is that?" Nick growled.

"You should leave now. I'll see you tomorrow at Warbler practice," Sebastian stated coolly.

Nick sighed and began to wonder if maybe he had overreacted slightly. He didn't want to get off on the wrong foot with Sebastian, and at least the guy had stopped right away when he told him to.

"Look man, I don't want us to have a problem with each other. You just gotta respect my territory. We can still be friends, but don't pull that again."

"Your territory?" Sebastian asked.

"Yeah my territory," Nick answered making a bubble around himself with his arms.

"I think you mean your boundaries or your personal space," Sebastian answered smirking at him.

"Well whatever you want to call it. Just don't come up in it unless I invite you."

"And what do I need to do to earn an invitation?" Sebastian inquired with a leer.

"Yuck. I meant for hugs or something, not for sex. Don't be so pervy all the time."

"For hugs?" Sebastian asked with a mocking look on his face. "Tell me, Nick, when you're not living at Dalton do you by any chance live on Sesame Street or inside a Disney movie?"

"Well now you're not getting a hug either," Nick remarked sarcastically, folding his arms and walking to the door.

"No hug? Oh god, how ever shall I go on?"

"You shoulda thought of that before you grabbed me," Nick answered with a smirk of his own as he opened the door. "See ya later, Seb."

"Bye Nick," Sebastian answered with what appeared to be a genuine laugh.

**-000-**

**End Note:** **I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I think it may actually have been my favorite one to write thus far. I had a lot of fun with the Nick, Jeff, and Maggie scenes in this one. I'd love to hear what you thought of that and the more dramatic bits as well.**

**Speaking of drama, I'm expecting the next chapter to be the most dramatic thus far, so stay tuned! **


	6. Chapter 6: The New Guy - Part 1

**Can't Fight These Feelings**

**A/N: Hi all. So this is only about half as long as most of my chapters and in fact it's only about half of the little mini-arc I had in mind for this part of the story. Unfortunately I'm having a lot of trouble with Carpel Tunnel right now and it's extremely painful and difficult to type. That's also why there's been such a large gap between chapters. I'm absolutely not abandoning this story, but I can't promise when I'll be able to update next. Instead of making people wait any longer though, here's the first part of "The New Guy."**

**On a side note, my deepest thanks to Cymon for making the amazing cover for this story as well as several of my other pieces! Thanks so much, Simon! :-D**

**Chapter 6 – The New Guy – Part 1**

_August, 2011_

The first day of classes passed normally enough for Nick. He and Jeff were in their second hour anatomy class together, then he got to enjoy the blond's company again that afternoon for math – Advanced Trigonometry. He also learned that the new student, Sebastian, was in his first hour Spanish class as well as his English and US History classes.

Nick was pleased to find that Sebastian was making more of an effort to be nice that day, probably in an attempt to get in the good graces of his new teachers and schoolmates. On the other hand, Nick also considered the possibility that perhaps Sebastian had just been cranky the day before. Maybe his improved mood even had something to do with the fact that his father wasn't around. Either way Sebastian was much more receptive to Nick's efforts to talk to him and introduce him to other people. He even took the seat next to Nick's in their Spanish class of his own accord.

Sebastian's Spanish was good to say the least. Mr. Alvarez, like many Spanish teachers seem to enjoy doing on the first day of class, opened the inaugural period by uttering a long string of rapid-fire, advanced Spanish at the students. Though it was a second year Spanish class and no one in the room was – or at least no one should have been – a complete novice, Nick and the rest of his classmates were at a total loss for what he had just said. Eventually, however, Sebastian just sighed, rolled his eyes, and proceeded to translate for them, earning himself a grin and another barrage of Spanish from Mr. Alvarez. Nick thought at first that perhaps Sebastian was going to be 'teacher's pet,' but then Sebastian said something that made Mr. Alvarez gasp, frown, and shift into English so that he could address the rest of the students. Sebastian just smirked and looked pleased with himself.

"How did you get so good at Spanish?" Nick inquired as they left the room and headed toward their next classes, anatomy for Nick and, if he recalled Sebastian's schedule correctly from their Sunday tour, Advanced Trigonometry for the other boy.

"I suppose it was that threesome I had last summer with a hot, gay couple in Barcelona...what can I say?" Sebastian answered with an innocent shrug before continuing. "They rubbed off on me."

Nick nodded thoughtfully, still taking in the information about Sebastian's transatlantic dalliance before the innuendo in his final words sunk in and his eyes widened on a still-smirking Sebastian.

"You didn't tell that story to Mr. Alvarez, right?"

"Of course not," Sebastian answered, feigning indignation before chuckling and continuing. "I just told him speaking Spanish always makes me _muy caliente_."

Nick shrugged, still not understanding the significance. He didn't have long to ponder it though before he had to take his leave of Sebastian and enter his second hour class. Nick was excited to see that Jeff had already arrived and was saving him a seat. He smiled at his roommate and hurried over, already inquiring about Jeff's first hour class before he even settling into his seat.

The rest of Nick's first day went by pleasantly as he got a chance to see a large majority of his friends during lunch or in various classes. Nick also had his final class of the day with Sebastian, US History. Once it was over they walked together to the Warbler common room for practice. As they rounded the corner of the hallway, Nick spied Jeff approaching from the opposite direction and his face lit up. Nick's enthusiasm was virtually boiling over by this point thanks to the fact that the first day of classes was over and that they were about to have their first Warbler practice. Nick gave in to the urge to rush forward and greet Jeff with a quick hug. He was thrilled to see Jeff and he couldn't wait to fill him in on everything that had happened during the rest of his day and find out the details about Jeff's other experiences too. He was also excited to introduce Jeff and Sebastian since he hadn't had the opportunity to do so at lunch. Nick wasn't sure where Sebastian had gone to eat, but he hadn't seen him.

"Sebastian, this is my roommate Jeff," Nick said as they walked back over to the transfer student. "Jeff, this is Sebastian."

"Well _hello, _Jeff," Sebastian said as he raked his eyes over Jeff's body. Nick wasn't sure what came over him, but he couldn't resist the urge to step forward and position himself slightly in between Jeff and Sebastian in response to Sebastian's greeting.

"Hi," Jeff said quietly as he blushed, reached around Nick and extended his hand to Sebastian without making eye contact.

"Shy. I like that. It makes you even cuter," Sebastian said as he squeezed Jeff's hand and gave him a wide smile, eliciting an even deeper blush.

"Seb, I think you better let me talk to the others about the situation," Nick said hoping to distract the new student as the three of them walked into the Warbler common room.

"Yes, Nick. You talk to the others and I'll talk to Jeff," Sebastian answered, never talking his eyes off the blond and winking when Jeff looked up.

Nick frowned, feeling an uncharacteristic twinge of jealousy. He was dismayed to note that Jeff was stealing timid glances at Sebastian and fidgeting nervously. In that moment all he wanted to do was shove Sebastian away and tell Jeff not to look at him anymore, but since that didn't seem like a viable option he reluctantly moved to the front of the room and awkwardly picked up Wes' old gavel.

"This meeting of the Dalton Academy Warblers will now come to order?" Nick knew he wasn't supposed to phrase his words as a question, but he was unsure if he had gotten it right. To his relief everyone settled down and gave him their attention – everyone except Sebastian who had just whispered something to Jeff that resulted in a nervous laugh. Nick rapped the gavel against its stand again and glared at the pair. Jeff gave him an apologetic look, but Sebastian simply winked at him and visibly shifted closer to Jeff.

Nick wasn't sure what else to do so he launched into a brief explanation of what Headmaster Montgomery had told him the day before. As he concluded his story he was met with a wave of angry murmurs and groans. He picked up the gavel again and pounded it a few times to re-silence the room. He was amazed at the power the gavel seemed to hold over his teammates and he was tempted to point it randomly at one of the other members and make an absurd request just to see if it would be obeyed. Instead he forced himself to focused on the situation at hand.

"I'm bet we're all dying to see just what Sebastian can do before we encrust the Warbler leadership to him, so Sebastian why don't you sing us something to prove yourself?" Nick's suggestion was as much to get Sebastian to stop whispering in Jeff's ear as anything else. He found himself hoping that his request would throw Sebastian for a loop, but he was disappointed when the newest Warbler merely smiled and stood up, promptly commanding the room's attention with his presence.

Trent was manning the Warbler's sound system, which they used for unrehearsed songs, and after announcing what song he wanted Sebastian launched into Flo Rida's "Club Can't Handle Me." The response was very enthusiastic and soon several members had risen to their feet to join Sebastian in background vocals as he danced and performed. Nick was impressed with his voice as well as his impromptu chirography and though he had attempted to ambush Sebastian with the performance he was nevertheless glad that the new student was doing such a good job. Despite everything, even Sebastian's flirtations with Jeff, Nick found that he did like Sebastian and was rooting for him to make a good impression with the others. By the end of the song Nick knew that he had done just that.

The applause from the Warblers was thunderous and Nick assumed that Sebastian would now take the floor and address the others. Instead Sebastian crossed the room and whispered something to Trent before turning and raising his hands to silence the room.

"Consider that last song simply my audition for entry into the Warblers. This next one is why I should get that spot on the counsel." Sebastian nodded to Trent again and then shot Jeff a devilish look. "I'm sure most of you know this song. Feel free to act out the video while I perform it."

Moments later the melody to Lady Gaga's "Alejandro" began playing. Nick had thought Sebastian's dancing for the last song was good, but this was incredible. He couldn't remember having seen the video, but if Sebastian's suggestive gyrations were any indication he had a pretty good idea of what type of content it must have had. Nick felt even more jealous as he realized that Sebastian had basically outright suggested that Jeff perform the lewd moves to the song with him. Fortunately Jeff and the other Warblers remained seated, apparently transfixed by Sebastian's energetic performance.

Once again the room erupted into applause and enthusiastic chatter as soon as the song ended. Sebastian grinned at his new teammates and affected a look which came as close to humility as Nick had seen from the boy. Nick found himself irritated by the obviously fake mask. He hadn't known Sebastian for very long, but he knew him well enough to be certain that Sebastian was anything but humble, and the effort to appear otherwise reeked of insincerity.

"Nick, would you take the vote now please?" Sebastian requested politely, interrupting Nick from his thoughts and briefly making him feel guilty since Sebastian was was now regarding him with a smile that did seem genuine.

Nick rapped his – soon to be Sebastian's, he was already sure – gavel on the stand a few times and quieted the room.

"All those in favor of electing Sebastian as head councilor please raise your hand." Everyone including Nick raised their hand in support. "Carried anonymously!" Nick declared cheerfully as he grinned at Sebastian and passed him the gavel, handle first.

Sebastian walked around the antique table and took the center seat, which Nick had just vacated. He said a few words of thanks and apologized for not yet being familiar with all the Warbler protocols before asking if anyone had any new business he wanted to voice. A few of the other Warblers made some future song suggestions and it was determined that they had up to six additional spots that they could fill. After they decided to hold tryouts on the Wednesday afternoon of the following week, Trent volunteered to print off sign up sheets and post them around campus. Then Sebastian dismissed everyone.

"Let's go off campus for dinner tonight," Nick suggested as he draped an arm around Jeff's shoulders while they waited for the bottleneck of Warblers at the door to clear so that they could leave.

"Really?" Jeff asked as he turned and cocked his head to the side, looking at Nick curiously. "I assumed you'd want to eat in the dining hall tonight for sure, to meet all the new students and catch up with our friends."

Nick smiled at the blond and squeezed him closer against his side. "And I figured you would prefer something more low key."

Nick knew that tonight would be one of the noisiest, most crowded evenings of the year at the dining hall. Though that wouldn't have bothered him at all, he was pretty sure it would have all but caused a panic attack in Jeff, especially since due to the freshmen and transfer students, there would be so many unfamiliar faces.

"Are you sure you don't mind, Nick? If you'd have more fun-"

"This will be fun!" Nick interrupted emphatically. "My treat by the way."

"Uh thanks...but why?" Jeff asked as they finally stepped out into the hallway and started heading back toward their dorm.

Nick swallowed and tried to ignore the heat rising to his cheeks. He wasn't normally the type of person to blush, but in truth the reason he had made the offer was that he wanted tonight to be like a date – their first date. He felt like he couldn't hide his feelings from Jeff any longer, and though he was still confused about the mixed signals he was getting from his body, he was positive that he understood his emotional feelings and it felt like long past time that he share them with Jeff.

"Let's talk about that over dinner," Nick suggested cryptically as he gave Jeff a grin and earned himself another curious head tilt from the tall singer.

"What are we discussing over dinner?" Sebastian inquired as he abruptly appeared behind Nick and Jeff and forcibly inserted himself between them, wrapping his own arm around Jeff and giving Nick another sly wink.

"Hi Seb," Nick said, frowning openly at their new captain. He tried not to take Sebastian's blatant interest in Jeff personally. After all he had no way of knowing that Nick had any interest in the boy, and Nick himself had been on the receiving end of Sebastian's focused attention barely twenty-four hours earlier. No, Nick decided it was just Sebastian's way, but despite that conclusion it didn't stop him from resenting his presence. He reasoned that perhaps it would be best to set Sebastian straight right away about the dinner situation. "Actually, me and Jeff won't be joining you for dinner. We're going off campus."

"That's fine by me. We can take my Porsche," Sebastian stated with a cocky smile.

Nick's heart sank as he saw the excitement flicker over Jeff's face and noticed the red coloring his cheeks. He was starting to suspect that Jeff didn't exactly mind Sebastian's attention, and worse still, Sebastian seemed to be aware of that fact too.

"Three's a crowd," Nick snapped, surprising even himself with the hostility in his tone. Jeff seemed shocked and Sebastian was wearing an expression of deep offense, whether it was genuine or not Nick couldn't tell.

"Oh...okay. I'll just go eat by myself for my first dinner at Dalton," Sebastian answered in a hurt voice as he dropped his arm from Jeff's shoulders and stopped walking with them.

Nick glanced over at Jeff and caught a reproachful glare from his roommate. Jeff had stopped moving too. He raised his hands in an animated 'what the hell?' gesture and mouthed Nick's name by way of questioning.

Nick sighed and looked back at Sebastian. He looked so defeated that Nick wanted to smack himself upside the head for his behavior.

"Seb, that was really rude of me. We'd like for you to join us."

"No, you don't mean that. I'd just be a third wheel," Sebastian demurred. When he glanced up, Nick noticed a glint in his hazel eyes.

"Of course we mean it!" Jeff insisted, boldly crossing the small distance and wrapping his own arm around Sebastian.

"Well only if it's entirely okay with Nick," Sebastian insisted, leaning heavily against Jeff and giving Nick a challenging look that Jeff couldn't see.

"I think your company tonight would be a tribulation, Sebastian," Nick answered in a bright, cheerful voice.

"He doesn't mean that!" Jeff rushed to explain. "He mixes up words sometimes."

"Oops, did I say the wrong word?" Nick asked innocently.

"Don't worry, Nick, your meaning was clear," Sebastian assured him with a smirk. "And in that case I'd be delighted to join you."

By the end of dinner, Nick felt sick to his stomach and it didn't have anything to do with the sushi. Sebastian's was nauseatingly charming all evening, complimenting Jeff, making him laugh, and behaving like a perfect gentleman to Jeff, Nick, and the restaurant staff. He also insisted on paying for their meal.

Under normal circumstances Nick wouldn't have suspected that any sinister motives were afoot. He usually gave people the benefit of the doubt. However, that was impossible in this case because when Jeff wasn't looking he kept shooting Nick challenging looks or making other insinuating gestures. When they were walking out of the restaurant, Jeff in front of them, Sebastian openly stared at his ass then turned to Nick and made a grabbing gesture with his hands, a look of unbridled lust painted across his face.

"What the hell, man?!" Nick snapped. His shoved his hands into his pockets in an effort to resist using them against Sebastian. He couldn't believe the guy was being such a skeevy jerk, pretending to be all nice and honorable while obviously wanting nothing more than to fuck Jeff and cast him aside.

Jeff turned around and looked at them in alarm. Sebastian quickly put on a surprised, startled expression, his creepy hand gesture had already morphed into the standard, polite one used to invite others to go ahead.

"I'm sorry, Nick. Please after you," he said apologetically, stepping back and making room for Nick to pass. "I didn't mean to bump you."

"That's not-" Nick sighed and frowned as he caught the disappointed look on Jeff's face.

"What's the deal, Nick?" Jeff whispered as they walked back to Sebastian's car.  
"Are you okay? You've been jumpy and tense all evening."

Nick wanted to tell Jeff the truth, but he was no idiot. He already knew exactly how the conversation would go. Sebastian would calmly deny everything and say Nick had misinterpreted, and Jeff would just be embarrassed and probably conclude that Nick _had_ misinterpreted. Then Nick would just look like a jerk given the way he had acted after practice earlier. Sure enough when Nick looked over Jeff's shoulder he found Sebastian shaking his head and smirking at him. Nick was really starting to hate that smirk.

"I'm fine, Jeffy," Nick insisted patting Jeff's arm and walking ahead to the car.

Once they were back on campus, Sebastian invited them to his room to watch a movie. Nick declined saying he was tired, which seemed to please Sebastian. He promptly turned to Jeff and remarked that they would just have to get by on their own. However, to Nick's delight and Sebastian's disappointment, Jeff also declined the invitation. That was exactly what Nick had expected him to do. He knew that though Jeff had clearly enjoyed Sebastian's company he would be uncomfortable spending time alone with him. Jeff tended to take a long time to warm up to the point of comfortably spending one-on-one time with someone.

After they returned to their room the boys spent almost an hour chatting about their new classes and other experiences from the first day. It was almost how Nick had imagined things going, except that they carried on their conversation from separate beds and Jeff still don't know about Nick's feelings. Nick wanted to tell him, but he didn't feel like it was the right time. He didn't want to just blurt it out randomly. He wanted the moment to be just right, like the romantic dinner he had originally envisioned them sharing that evening, or during a quiet moment alone together when they felt particularly emotionally connected.

The next day passed uneventfully enough. Of course it wasn't truly uneventful. It was still hectic with beginning-of-the-year activities, but apart from the expected chaos nothing exciting had happened. Since they didn't have Warbler practice that afternoon, or homework so early in the year, Nick and Jeff were relaxing in their dorm room playing video games when someone began knocking on their door. As was often the case, Jeff was so busy cursing at the characters on screen that Nick got up to receive their visitor.

"Whoa Seb!" Nick exclaimed in surprise as he opened the door and came face to chest with a shirtless Sebastian.

"Thank you," Sebastian said smugly as he brushed past Nick and into the room.

"S-Sebastian. H-hi," Jeff mumbled, before swallowing hard and looking away. He had already turned almost as red as the shorts Sebastian was wearing.

"I came to get you, Jeff," Sebastian stated calmly as he sunk down on the bed next to the blond.

"O-oh?" Jeff gurgled more than said.

If Nick hadn't been so annoyed by Sebastian's sudden, borderline inappropriate appearance he would have found Jeff's reaction to it rather amusing. His roommate was acting like he had never seen a shirtless guy before. Nick couldn't see what all the fuss was about; apart from the surprise factor it was no big deal.

Nick frowned and reconsidered his evaluation as he took in the sculpted planes and hard ridges of Sebastian's well-formed torso. He decided that maybe he really couldn't blame Jeff for his reaction after all. Hypothetically if a hot, bare-chested girl had suddenly walked into his room while he was in the middle of killing video game zombies he suspected he would have been having a similar reaction.

"You said last night that you like to go running," Sebastian said, patting Jeff's knee and then leaving his hand in place. "I thought we could go together. I'm curious about Dalton's track."

"I showed you the track Sunday when I gave you that tour," Nick reminded him, a small scowl weighing on his lips.

"But we didn't run on it," Sebastian pointed out, removing his hand but then casually leaning back across Jeff's bed, showcasing his rippling abdomen as well as the bulge in the front of his athletic shorts. "Come on, Jeff. What do you say to working up a nice sweat with me?"

Jeff gurgled incoherently again and gaped open mouthed for a few seconds before hopping off the bed and rushing to his closet.

"You're gonna go?" Nick asked, barely managing to keep the irritation out of his voice as he watched his roommate pull out a pair of shoes, socks, and some shorts of his own. So much for thinking Jeff wouldn't be willing to spend one-on-one time with Sebastian.

"I could use a run," Jeff answered stealing another look at Sebastian before turning back to Nick. "You want to come?"

Nick gave Jeff an annoyed look. He knew Nick hated running. It was his least favorite typo of cardio and it always made his shins hurt. Nick tended to stick with swimming or cycling if he wanted an aerobic workout. He mentally debated whether or not it was worth limping around school tomorrow to keep Jeff from being alone with Sebastian.

"No, you go ahead," Nick said with grim resignation a few seconds later. _It's not like Sebastian is going to try to fuck you on the middle of the track in broad daylight._

"I'm going to go get changed. I'll be right back," Jeff said to Sebastian as he headed for their bathroom.

"Oh why bother going in there? We're all guys," Sebastian stated with a wide smile as he watched Jeff intently, undoubtedly eager for him to drop his pants. "All guys who like guys," Sebastian added, stopping Jeff just as his hand touched the bathroom's doorknob.

Nick shot Sebastian an angry look and rushed across the room to Jeff, who was predictably panicking.

"I...Why do you...I'm-uh..."

"Jeff, it's okay. Breathe," Nick said soothingly as he rubbed Jeff's back.

"Sorry. I know you're not out, and I'll keep it a secret, Jeff. I just wanted to clear the air," Sebastian said, giving Jeff an encouraging smile.

"Jeff is _not_-" Nick started in an attempt to cover for his friend.

"How did you know?" Jeff interrupted, pulling himself together.

"Gaydar," Sebastian said simply with a smirk. "It's never wrong."

To Nick's surprise Jeff actually laughed and seemed to relax.

"Actually it is," Jeff countered, clapping Nick on the shoulder and smiling at him like they were sharing a joke. "You said we were _all_ guys who like guys, but Nick isn't. He really is straight."

Sebastian chuckled. "My mistake then," he said with a wink.

"Anyway, I'll be right back," Jeff said as he turned and disappeared into the bathroom.

Nick crossed the room and sat down on Jeff's bed next to Sebastian, glaring hard at the dark-haired teen. "Look, I get that this isn't a big deal to you, and I think that's great. It shouldn't be. But if you tell anyone about Jeff I'll-"

"You'll what? Hug me to death? Give me a really harsh look with hardly any smiles? Or _gasp_ will you go so far as to call me a dirty word and then wait like a whole, entire thirty seconds before apologizing?"

Nick folded his arms and frowned at Sebastian.

"Oh just cool it, Duval, you really can't pull off intimidating," Sebastian said with his trademark smirk, "And don't worry I have no intention of outing Jeff, or you."

"I'm not gay."

"Of course not."

Jeff emerged a few moments later and the pair departed, leaving Nick to spend most of the rest of his evening wondering what the hell to do about the rapidly escalating situation between Jeff and Sebastian.

**-000-**

**End Note:** **I hope you all enjoyed this little mini-chapter. Once again my apologies for not being able to get out a full one. I am doing slightly better (much better than last week!), so I'm hoping I can get out the second part sooner rather than later. FYI, Sebastian actually is going to be a fairly major character for the rest of the story. I'm envisioning him and Maggie as pretty much the main 'secondary characters' so I hope you enjoyed his presence. **

**I feel like this chapter wasn't as exciting, interesting, or humorous as I would have liked. Unfortunately that's because most of the drama, and likely most of the humor, will be taking part in the second half of the chapter. Anyway please let me know what you thought and please stay tuned.**


	7. Chapter 7: The New Guy - Part 2

**Can't Fight These Feelings**

**A/N: Here's the second part of "The New Guy." I hope you guys like it. I had a really fun time writing this chapter. It also contained some scenes that I had been planning for quite some time. So it's nice to get them into the story. **

**Chapter 7 – The New Guy – Part 2**

_August, 2011_

On Wednesday afternoon Sebastian invited Jeff to study with him, which, though it seemed somewhat plausible to Nick, still didn't completely make sense. For instance Nick couldn't figure out _what _they were studying since it was so early in the year. The fact that they didn't have any classes together also struck Nick as a bit odd.

Imaginary studying or not, Jeff's absence left Nick feeling decidedly lonely and annoyed. To add insult to injury Sebastian had ignored Nick all day in the classes they shared, choosing to sit as far away from Nick as he could. Despite the distance, Sebastian seemed to have some kind of sixth sense when it came to knowing when someone was watching him. Every time Nick had glanced at him he had received a cocky smirk from the boy. It was so infuriating that Nick was beginning to think that in addition to making moves on Jeff, at least part of Sebastian's game must have been to mess with Nick's head. This suspicion was further cemented given the fact that at lunch or in between classes, when the three of them were all together, Sebastian would act like he and Nick were best buddies, making Nick appear to be the one who was moody and distant.

Nick groaned and shut his English book, unable to focus on what he was reading. He knew it was stupid, that Jeff loved him and trusted him, but his paranoia was starting to get the better of him. He couldn't help thinking that Sebastian might be trying to poison Jeff against him.

_What are they doing alone together – without me?_

A nervous, unhappy feeling settled in Nick's stomach as he realized that there were quite a few options that they might have been exploring that had nothing to do with plotting against him. Mental images flashed in Nick's head that made him feel queasy. Sebastian and Jeff kissing. Sebastian and Jeff shirtless on Sebastian's bed making out. Sebastian and Jeff _naked_ on Sebastian's bed fu...

Nick shivered and clenched his fists as he thought about Sebastian's smirking face looking down at a sweaty and pleading Jeff. Rage coursed through him at the idea of Sebastian using Jeff like that. He took a deep breath and tried to calm down, but it was no use. All he could see was that damn arrogant smirk.

_He looks like a fucking meerkat!_

Before he even realized what he was doing Nick had jumped off his bed and stormed out of the room. As Nick was barreling down the hallway to Sebastian's room it dawned on him that he wasn't exactly behaving rationally. Just as he raised his fist to pound on Sebastian's door the rest of his rage dissipated, replaced by stinging sadness. Not only did Nick feel jealous and excluded, he felt disappointed in himself and confused. Why was he acting this way? This wasn't the kind of person he was.

Nick started to turn away and head back to his room, but then he stopped and eyed the door speculatively. It was awfully quiet in that room. He had half expected to hear moaning and grunting. He couldn't hear the sounds of a movie, game, or music either. Were they already done with the moaning portion of the evening and cuddling or taking a nap? More jealousy washed over Nick as he thought about Jeff cuddling with another guy, _with Sebastian_.

Nick cautiously leaned the side of his head against the door, his ear grazing over the thick wood. Stupid fancy doors! If they had lived in a regular crappy dorm the doors and walls would have been paper thin and he could have heard everything. Nick held his breath and stained his ears as he pressed his whole body against the door, trying to detect any sound.

"Would you and my door like to be alone?"

Nick gasped and whirled around, coming face-to-face with – who else? A smirking Sebastian. _Does he even have another facial expression?_ To Nick's dismay Jeff was standing next to him regarding Nick with a mixture of surprise, confusion, and most painfully to Nick, disappointment.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" Nick asked, rubbing the back of his neck and leaning dramatically against the door in a misguided attempt to appear casual.

"I think it's _your_ behavior that requires an explanation," Sebastian countered, crossing his arms. "Do I need to sweep my room for bugs later?"

Nick furrowed his brows. "I think Dalton has an exterminator that comes by and...oh you meant like listening devices, huh?"

Sebastian sighed wearily and turned to Jeff. "Jeff, why don't you take 'Jason Bourne Yesterday' here back to your room? I'm going to have a shower." Sebastian stopped and glared at Nick. "Any hidden cameras I should know about?"

_Why so you can pose for them?_

"Come on, Nick," Jeff said as he grabbed Nick's arm and hurriedly led him away.

Nick couldn't figure out if he felt more happy that Jeff was touching him or more embarrassed about what had just happened. As they walked back into their room and he could practically feel the anger rolling off of Jeff, he decided to go with embarrassed. He knew that Jeff must have been mortified by his behavior in front of Sebastian, especially if Jeff felt the way Nick suspected he did about Sebastian.

"So how was your evening?" Nick asked as nonchalantly as possible. He sat down on his bed and crossed his legs, his knee promptly beginning to fidget.

Jeff closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, and Nick knew that he was trying to cool down. It was a new experience having Jeff this angry at him. Nick frowned and uncrossed his legs, planting his feet on the ground and hanging his head as he waited for Jeff's judgment. Nick found that he felt like an eight-year-old who had broken his mom's favorite cup and he wondered if Jeff would accept a misshapen ceramic vessel from summer camp as an apology.

"What were you doing, Nick?" Jeff asked in a calm, reasonable voice a little while later as he pulled the chair out from Nick's desk and sank into it. Nick cautiously looked up, relieved that Jeff seemed to want to give him a chance to explain.

"I thought you were in Sebastian's room," Nick answered quietly.

"So you were trying to spy on me?" Jeff frowned and folded his arms.

"I was...worried about you."

Jeff's face softened slightly. "Why would you worry? I was with Sebastian."

_Dude, if you're gonna answer your own question..._

"I have a phone you know," Jeff continued, still annoyed. "You could have just called or texted me. Or you know, actually _knocked_ on Sebastian's door and joined us."

"I thought...well maybe that you might be...you know, doing stuff you wouldn't want to be interrupted while doing."

Jeff's eyes widened and he gaped slightly. "So you wanted to _listen_ while we did it?! And what the hell, Nick? You think I'm going to just sleep with Sebastian after knowing him for like three days?"

"Well..." Nick exhaled sharply, unsure of how to phrase things without further offending Jeff. "Like you said, you've only known him for three days. What if he...you know tried to _make _you do stuff?"

"So you think Sebastian might secretly be a rapist?" Jeff asked sarcastically, an incredulous expression briefly displacing his anger and frustration.

"I wanna like Sebastian. Really I do," Nick insisted running a hand through his dark bangs. "He's just..."

"Just what?" Jeff pressed, looking hard at Nick. "Because I really want to know. What is this problem you seem to have with Seb? It doesn't make sense."

"He's just...confusing I guess." Nick wasn't sure 'confusing' was the most precise adjective, but it seemed like the most charitable.

"Because he's openly gay?" Jeff guessed, a worried look forming on his face.

"Oh seriously, Jeff. Do you really think I have a problem with that?" Nick folded his arms and glared back at Jeff, offended by the implication.

"Well then what is it? He's nice, smart, fun to be around, generous, he's got lots of interesting stories, and he's..." Jeff blushed and hesitated but eventually continued. "And he's really good looking. I don't understand why you're so...hot and cold with him."

Nick's eyes bulged. Jeff thought _he _was the one being hot and cold. It also didn't escape Nick's attention that Jeff's voice had taken on a slightly dreamy, infatuated tone as he had listed Sebastian's positive attributes.

"Will you please just try to make an effort to like him?" Jeff asked, his ire now completely replaced by pleading. "Please? For me, Nicky?"

"Of course," Nick answered right away as his attention snapped back to Jeff's face and he briefly lost himself in Jeff's large, insistent brown eyes. Puppies didn't have anything on Jeff.

"Thanks," Jeff said, giving Nick his first smile of the night. "Because I need to tell you something."

Nick swallowed, but gave his roommate an encouraging nod. "Okay, what's up?"

"Sebastian asked me to go out with him Friday. I said yes," he answered, looking a cross between anxious and worried, and bursting-at-the-seams excited. Nick suspected if he gave the word Jeff would light up like a Christmas tree, and despite the jealousy and disappointment coursing through his body, that was too alluring a prospect to ignore. Jeff deserved to be happy.

"That's great, Jeffy! Congrats!" Nick said, coming so close to sincerity he doubted Jeff would know the difference. Sure enough a huge grin broke out across his face and the blond bounded to his feet.

"Thanks! I can't wait! But – oh my god! I'm so nervous!" Jeff tossed himself down on Nick's bed and wrapped his arms around him, their conflict apparently resolved as far as Jeff was concerned. "I'm so relieved you're okay with this."

"Of course," Nick answered, his voice breaking slightly as he caught a whiff of Jeff's hair and leaned his head against Jeff's.

"Are you okay?" Jeff asked, pulling back and looking at Nick.

"Yeah, I'm just a little horse," Nick fibbed, determined not to spoil Jeff's mood again.

Jeff smiled at him and grabbed his hand, giving it a small squeeze as he said, "You're better than a pony any day, Nicky."

Nick tilted his head and looked at Jeff sideways, trying to make sense of the statement. Eventually he just shrugged and smiled back as he leaned against Jeff's shoulder, and rubbed his thumb over Jeff's knuckles.

For a few moments Nick felt like his whole world was coming apart and he cursed himself for not telling Jeff about his feelings sooner. Then a thought crossed Nick's mind and he realized that Sebastian didn't seem like a long-term kind of guy. Nick wasn't sure if he felt relieved or only more worried about Jeff as he pondered that assessment.

**-000-**

The next day after classes were over, instead of going back to his dorm room, Nick detoured to Sebastian's room.

"Hello Nick, what can I do for you?" Sebastian inquired after answering the door.

"Can I come inside?" Nick asked, not wanting to have this discussion out in the hallway.

"Well, it's lower risk if you don't," Sebastian answered enigmatically with a wink as he stepped aside for Nick to pass, "But also typically not as much fun."

"I'm sorry I was being weird last night," Nick said as he took a seat on the vacant bed in Sebastian's room. He had decided that opening with an apology might make Sebastian more receptive to the rest of the conversation.

"I see," Sebastian answered smugly before cocking an eyebrow and continuing, "And how do you feel about your weirdness on other nights?"

"Look, Seb, I don't know what you're up to," Nick stated raising his hands palm up in a gesture of surrender. He found it frustrating that he could never seem to simply have an honest, straightforward conversation with Sebastian. " I don't know why you keep sending me all these mixed signals – being nice one minute and then turning around and being sarcastic or distant the next. I don't know if you're trying to mess with my head or if you're like bipedal or something, but-"

"I am indeed bipedal," Sebastian confirmed with a snigger. "It runs in my family...even my distant relatives are all bipedal."

"Oh wow! Yeah, I hear it can be genetic," Nick answered with a sympathetic nod. It was great that Sebastian was confiding in him, and it certainly answered a lot of questions regarding his behavior. "I'm here for you if you ever need to talk about, man."

"No need. I'm actually quite well adapted to bipedalism, but thanks."

"Anyway, I'm here because I'm worried about Jeff," Nick continued.

"I think he has it down too."

"I just don't want him to get hurt."

"I'll make sure he lies down then," Sebastian answered, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"Don't!" Nick snapped, angry that Sebastian wasn't taking the situation seriously. He took a deep breath and tried again. "Please, I mean it. He's not just some guy you can randomly hook up with. He's more than that. He's..." Nick trailed off, unsure of what else to say to without revealing his own feelings for Jeff.

"A virgin?" Sebastian guessed. "Yes, I assumed so. Don't worry, Nick, he won't be my first virgin. I know how to-"

Nick silenced Sebastian as he jumped to his feet and glared down at the cocky boy. He was seething with rage and it was all he could do to keep from hitting him. Sebastian quickly stood as well and glowered back at Nick.

"You. Can't. Have. Sex. With. Him," Nick stated very slowly and very clearly, maintaining constant, unblinking eye contact with Sebastian as he spoke.

As Nick watched, Sebastian's tense, hostile face gradually relaxed and his mouth spread into his trademark smug grin.

"Why not? You're not having sex with him and a piece of ass that hot needs to be broken in."

Nick lunged forward and shoved Sebastian as hard as he could. However, Sebastian had clearly anticipated the action and as Nick's palms connected with his chest he grabbed Nick's upper arms and fluidly turned with the impact, toppling them both and agilely landing on top of Nick on the plush carpeted floor.

Plush or not, Nick still grunted and winced as the back of his head connected with the ground and various other parts of his body were crushed between the floor and Sebastian. Before he had time to react Sebastian had pinned his arms to his sides.

"You want me to break in your ass too, Nick?" Sebastian whispered, his face inches from Nick's. To emphasize his point he bucked his hips against Nick's body.

Nick's eyes went wide with shock and he opened his mouth to scream. He barely had a chance to make a sound before Sebastian released his left arm and clamped a hand tightly over his mouth.

"I'm kidding. God, you're so stupid." Sebastian hopped off of Nick and stood, extending a hand to help Nick up.

Nick looked at the proffered palm suspiciously, but finally accepted the gesture and allowed Sebastian to haul him to his feet. Everything had happened so quickly that he still wasn't sure how to react. A deep frowned creased his face as he remembered Sebastian's remark about Jeff.

"Since there seems to be some confusion on the matter, for the record I'm _not_ a rapist," Sebastian stated derisively. "If Jeff doesn't want to have sex, we won't have sex. If he _does_ want to have sex, well let's just say it'll make him glad to be alive and we can leave it at that since I'm a gentleman." Nick snorted incredulously but Sebastian continued. "Either way, it's absolutely none of your business. So unless you want to join us for a threeway – which hey, I'm down for if Jeff's game – you can just shut up and get out."

Nick sighed heavily and started to walk to the door, but then he stopped and turned around. He had to make one more appeal to Sebastian's better nature.

"Seb, please don't do this. You know it isn't right. Jeff isn't ready. If you really care about him, if you're really my friend, you'll leave him alone and not pressure him into anything."

Sebastian shoved past Nick and opened the door, then turned and gave him a pointed look. "I like Jeff just fine, but I don't 'really care' about him," Sebastian said, making air quotes and smirking. "And as for the two of us, you need to get this through your thick, naïve head: we're not friends, and your feelings are completely and utterly irrelevant to me. Now get out."

**-000-**

The next day, the day of the _date_, Nick had planned to make himself scare after Warbler practice was over; however, Jeff wasn't make that easy.

"Where are you going?" Jeff asked in a tense voice as Nick veered away from their residence hall.

"I was going to go swim a few laps. You know, stay out of your way for...eh, the reason," Nick finished vaguely as he caught Jeff worriedly glancing at the other guys who were walking near them.

"Thanks, but actually could you not please?" Jeff answered with a tight smile before continuing in a whisper. "I'm really nervous and I was hoping you could help me get ready and...well generally keep me from freaking out and jumping out of the window in fear."

Nick slung a comforting arm around Jeff's shoulders. "Don't worry, it's going to be fine. You've spent time with Seb already. Just pretend this is like those other times." _You know, just like those other times - without sex, or kissing, or inappropriate touching. _

Jeff leaned into Nick and gave him an appreciative smile. "Thanks, Nicky. Hmm, maybe Maggie was right after all," Jeff said with a chuckle as they entered their residence hall.

"What did she say?" Nick inquired, wondering what his sister had to do with any of this.

"I called her to tell her about the date and get her advice on what to wear...she suggested you."

"She thought _I_ would know what you should wear?" Nick asked incredulously. He pondered this revelation as he pressed the button for the elevator; Maggie had never expressed much enthusiasm for his wardrobe choices before.

"No, she suggested I wear you," Jeff clarified with another laugh as they stepped into the elevator. Jeff seemed to relax now that they had more privacy. "She actually said you were the perfect accessory for the date. And to think, I was simply considering a cute belt or something...Maggie's really smart, but it sort of seems like she doesn't fully grasp how dates are supposed to work."

"Well if you do want me to come along, I don't mind!" Nick offered eagerly, as he made a mental note to thank Maggie later.

"Huh!" Jeff declared in an exaggerated tone. "I guess it runs in the family."

"Well I just mean...You know, if you'd be more comfortable with me there or something."

"Nick, I love you and I _would_ be more comfortable with you there. But don't you think that might defeat the purpose?"

"I can pretend to be a belt?" Nick offered with a shrug a silly face. _I'll even wrap myself around your waist if it keeps Sebastian away from it._

"You're awesome!" Jeff declared as he bumped their shoulders together and stepped out of the elevator. "I feel less nervous already. Thanks, Nick!"

Nick spent the next twenty-five minutes stealing covert glances at Jeff as the blond tried on outfit after outfit in an attempt to make his selection. When Jeff had first started taking off his clothes Nick decided to make a deal with himself: if he got hard watching Jeff, he would declare his feelings and ask him not to go out with Sebastian. It was dramatic sure – and maybe borderline pervy – but it seemed like a justifiable course of action. Jeff had only known Sebastian for five days, whereas he and Nick had been best friends for two years. Nick could live with himself for coming between his roommate and the new student given the vastly different depths of feeling in the equation. Unfortunately as Jeff buttoned up what must have been the ninth shirt of the afternoon, the only thing that was hard was watching Jeff make himself even more of a sexual target for Sebastian.

"Don't you have anything looser?" Nick eyed the blue Snuggie bunched up on the foot of his bed. It had been a gift from a Warbler 'Secret Santa' the previous Christmas. It seemed like the ideal clothing choice for Jeff's date – as long as he wore some baggy sweats underneath.

"Looser?" Jeff asked, his face falling in anguish as he examined himself in the mirror. "Do I look fat? Oh my god, am I fat?! Am I fat on my first date?!" Jeff was waving his arms around frantically and darting glances between Nick, the mirror, and his own stomach. "Crap! How could I have let this happen? I'm gonna cancel."

"Jeff, no, you look great!" Nick insisted as he jumped off the bed and rushed over to the boy. He pulled his arms down to his sides and gave him a hug. A little while later he released him and looked him in the eye as he spoke. "You're really slim, dude, and you've built some amazing definition in the last few months. You're like wicked hot, I mean it. That's actually why I said that. You look so sexy I was thinking we didn't want Sebastian to get the wrong idea."

_Please be the wrong idea. Please be the wrong idea._

"You think I look sexy?" Jeff asked, averting his gaze as a blush crept up his cheeks.

"Absolutely," Nick declared, running a hand down Jeff's chest and stomach. His friend really did have an amazing body. What was wrong with Nick?

"Well if this looks...okay, I'll wear this," Jeff decided.

"But you look good in that," Nick whined before he caught himself.

"I'm kinda going for that," Jeff answered, his forehead furrowing as he gave Nick a curious look.

"But Sebastian'll like it," Nick protested. He figured if he was already whining anyway he'd might as well get it all out.

"...I hope so," Jeff said, moving away from Nick and back to the mirror so that he could start on his hair.

"NO!" Nick snapped, surprising himself and getting a startled look from Jeff. This was it: he couldn't hold his tongue about this awful idea any longer. "I don't want him looking at you like that. Or touching you. You...You can't go out with him."

Jeff was silent for several seconds before answering, "Nick, I get that you're being protective, and I appreciate it, I really do. But what I need is for you to be supportive okay?" Jeff dropped his voice and continued in a barely audible whisper. "I'm already really scared, but I need to do this, and you're the only person I can talk to about-"

"NO!" Nick shouted, actually stomping his foot and crossing his arms petulantly. "You _can't_ go out with him. So just put on something comfy and we'll watch a movie. I'm gonna go tell him you can't go."

Nick nodded expansively, settling the matter as far as he was concerned and turning to leave the room.

"Excuse me?!" Jeff yelled, stopping him in his tracks and making him turn around.

"I said you can't go. Discussion closed," Nick reiterated with another decisive nod.

"You're...You're fucking acting like my father right now. You're even being an asshole like him. You-"

"Jeff, just listen," Nick interrupted, raising his voice over Jeff's.

"No! _You_ just listen. I don't know where this is coming from, but so not cool, Nick." Jeff was trembling and clenching his jaw in a way that Nick couldn't interpret. It might have meant he was close to crying, or it might have meant he was trying not to loose a tirade the likes of which he usually reserved only for video game villains.

_I'm sorry. I love you. Please don't be mad,_ Nick thought. He said, "Christ, Jeff, you're being night Eve! Sebastian just wants to fuck you."

"Well it's none of your damn business if he does!" Jeff yelled in Nick's face. "I don't need _your_ permission, Nick."

"The hell you don't!" Nick barked. "Who do you think's gonna clean up the mess when he breaks your heart? Who's gonna hold you and tell you you're-"

"Well whoever it'll be, it won't fucking be YOU!" Jeff stepped around Nick and grabbed his wallet and phone off his desk.

"Stop. You _can't_ leave."

Jeff glared at Nick and then stormed to the door, wrenched it open, strode through it, and then slammed it shut behind him.

**-000-**

"And then he just walked out and slammed the door." Nick finished his story with a desperate sigh and wiped the tears out of his eyes with the tissue he was holding.

"Dear brother?" Maggie's voice came through the phone warm and supportive.

"Yeah?" Nick sniffled a few times and blew his nose.

"You're an idiot!"

"I know," Nick agreed. "I messed up really bad."

"Um YEAH! You basically just dared him to go screw Sebastian."

"I didn't mean to," Nick said in a feeble voice.

"Well obviously," Maggie answered in a sarcastic tone. "Did you at least call and apologize?"

"He won't pick up. Or respond to any of my texts."

"There's a shocker."

"He's never been this mad at me before," Nick said in a broken voice, a fresh round of tears stinging his eyes.

"Well you never-" Maggie abruptly stopped her harsh sentence and when she spoke again the sympathy was back in her voice. "I'm going to call him. I'll call you back."

A twinge of hope tugged at Nick. Maybe she could fix this. "Thank you, Maggie. You're superfluous."

"You're redundant too, dear brother, but I love you." Maggie sighed and hung up.

Nick spent the next two minutes staring at his phone and trying to stop crying. Even though he had been willing the device to ring, he was dismayed when it did, because it seemed like too soon for Jeff and Maggie to have already had a good conversation.

"Hello," Nick said softly.

"He didn't answer my calls either, or my text," Maggie stated.

"Oh no! But he still likes you! Why didn't he answer?" Nick demanded.

"He still likes you too, Nick. He's just mad. And I guess he doesn't want to talk to me right now either. Besides he is on a _date_."

"But he shouldn't be!" Nick whined.

"But he is!" Maggie whined back. "Maybe if you-" Maggie cut herself off again. "-Give him a little time, he'll come around."

Nick doubted that was what she had originally planned to say, but he appreciated the effort. "Yeah, I guess."

"You want me to keep you company on the phone?" Maggie offered.

"Nah, no point. I'd just depress you."

"I don't mind."

"Thanks, but I'm just gonna go sit in the shower and cry."

"Nick!" Maggie chided in a worried tone.

"It's okay. I'll talk to you later, Mag."

After Nick hung up he proceeded to execute his watery pity-party as planned. However, forty minutes and two very sore eyes later he decided to get out and go sprawl out on his bed and stare at the phone instead.

Nick was briefly elated when he saw that he had a missed call and a voicemail, but to his disappointment it turned out to be from his mom rather than his roommate. Nick groaned and decided that he'd might as well call her back. His night couldn't get any worse anyway. He rang her back without bothering to check the voicemail.

"Nick!" Sandra answered sounding surprised and enthusiastic to hear from him.

Nick felt guilty for an instant since he knew her reaction was because he had been avoiding her for the last two months, ever since he had found out about the reason for hers and his dad's divorce. He shrugged off the feeling. He was sorry for hurting her, but as he saw it she had done a really selfish thing and caused him, Maggie, and their dad a lot of pain.

"Hi mom," Nick said tentatively.

"It's so good to hear from you, baby," his mom said sweetly. "Thanks for calling me back."

_Thanks for the guilt trip, mom._

"Sure," Nick responded brusquely.

"How are your classes? Do you like your schedule this year?" His mom was being irritatingly chipper, especially considering how shitty Nick felt.

"Fine. It's fine." Nick bit his tongue to keep from inquiring about her life. He knew he was being petty, but he was still angry at her. Listening to her try so hard to make up with him also made him feel like he had some control over something, and other than this he felt powerless over his life right now.

"And how's Jeff?" Sandra prodded in a tireless, perky voice.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Nick asked defensively, frowning on his end of the phone. "Did Maggie call you?"

"Oh baby, what happened?" his mom asked with immediate concern. "And no, I haven't spoken to Maggie today. Did you and Jeff get in an argument?"

"Yeah," Nick said in a clipped voice.

"I'm so sorry, dear. Tell me about it."

Nick opened his mouth to say he didn't want to talk about it, but then a sob escaped and the next thing he knew the floodgate had reopened and he was crying into the phone. His mom spoke softly and whispered words of encouragement and support until he could regain his composure.

"He's out with a- wi- with a..." Nick dissolved into more sobs.

"With another guy?" Sandra guessed.

"Yeah!" Nick declared, throwing himself backward against his pillow at the inhumanity of situation.

"Have you told him how you feel?"

"I tried, but this other guy kept getting in the way...and mom, I don't think his pretensions are honorable."

"Intentions, dear," Sandra corrected gently.

"You haven't met him," Nick muttered.

"Well Jeff isn't the kind of boy to be taken in by phony people. I'm sure he'll figure it out for himself."

"But what if it's too late?! What if Sebastian takes his v-card?"

Sandra snickered once before responding in a serious tone. "I'm sure Jeff won't give that away to just anyone."

Nick finished filling his mom in on the argument with Jeff as well as everything that had happened with Sebastian. Much to his ever-lasting embarrassment, when he recounted the incident she even explained to him what Sebastian's comment to his 'can I come inside?' inquiry had meant. Then she started talking to Nick about safe sex and he rapidly decided the conversation had gone on long enough.

"Mom, I think I better go. I'm really drained." Nick cringed at his unfortunate word choice.

"Honey, knowing about this stuff is important and-"

"Mom!" Nick cut in, "I'm in the middle of a huge fight with Jeff, and I don't have any interest in anyone else. Trust me, I'm not about to have sex."

"Well I'm sending you some... um a care package nevertheless, for when you and Jeff do make up," Sandra said before evidently changing her mind and being more blunt. "Oh I'll just say it – condoms! I'm sending you a bunch of condoms."

"I really don't need condoms, mom."

"Everyone needs condoms," Sandra insisted. "Even lesbians can use them as dental dams."

"I'm hanging up now, mom. Good night."

"Good night, Nick. I love you."

"I love you too," Nick said as he hung up. He had to admit that apart from the crippling embarrassment, the chat with his mom had cheered him up. It felt like a burden had been lifted off of his shoulders now that they had essentially reconciled.

Nick sighed longingly as he looked at the background of his phone, a picture of him and Jeff with their arms around each other, heads pressed together. Nick had taken it, one-handed, the summer before last while they were at the beach in Florida. Nick thought about the fact that he had had to take the picture himself, because Jeff hadn't even wanted his parents to see him touching another guy the way he was in the picture. It hurt knowing that Jeff was almost certainly right; his parents wouldn't have just calmly snapped a picture. Hell, for all Nick knew, Jeff's crazy father might have tried to snap their necks instead.

Nick wanted to kick himself for yelling at Jeff earlier, for reminding him _of his father._ He couldn't believe he had let things get so out of control. Nick buried his head in his pillow and began to cry some more.

Four hours later as Nick was lying in the dark staring at the ceiling and worrying, he heard a sudden thud in the hallway right outside their room. He quickly jumped out of bed, ran to the door and flung it open. Nick barely had a chance to register what was happening before his alcohol-scented best friend was collapsing into his arms, weeping and slurring incoherently.

All Nick was able to to decipher as he held Jeff's head to his chest and rubbed his back were the words 'date,' 'disaster,' 'Sebastian,' and 'oh god it hurts.'

**-000-**

**End Note: Sorry about the evil cliffhanger. I can't resist them sometimes. My hands have been a bit better lately, so I'm thinking/hoping I'll be able to get the next chapter out soon. Thanks to everyone who has read/reviewed/favorited/PM-d/thought nice things about this story so far. I really apprecaite it!**


	8. Chapter 8: Hey Look, Jeff's Naked!

**Can't Fight These Feelings**

**A/N: YAY! I made my self-imposed deadline. I'm tentatively trying to publish chapters about once every two weeks. Anyway, this might be the chapter many of you have been waiting for...on the other hand it might be the chapter that makes you go, "What the fuck?!" I'd certainly love to know which so please leave me a review telling me if you get the chance.**

**Also, this chapter comes with a 'graphic content' warning; although, I don't want to say exactly what nature that graphic content takes. Just consider yourselves warned. ;-)**

**Chapter 8 – Hey Look, Jeff's Naked!**

_August, 2011_

Nick was lying in the dark staring at the ceiling and worrying about Jeff, when he heard a sudden thud in the hallway right outside their room. He quickly jumped out of bed, ran to the door and flung it open. Nick barely had a chance to register what was happening before his alcohol-scented best friend was collapsing into his arms, weeping and slurring incoherently.

All Nick was able to decipher as he held Jeff's head to his chest and rubbed his back were the words 'date,' 'disaster,' 'Sebastian,' and 'oh god it hurts.'

"Sshh, Jeffy it's okay. I've got you," Nick said in a soothing voice as he gently pulled his friend farther into the room and continued trying to make sense of what he was mumbling. Nick wasn't even sure Jeff's garbled words were English, only that they contained lots of S's, L's, and W's.

"Well, as heartwarming as this little reunion is, I'm going to bed."

Nick's eyes snapped up and for the first time he noticed Sebastian standing in the doorway. "YOU!"

Sebastian rolled his eyes, but paused his departure and even stepped into the room. "Yes, Nick?"

Nick was fuming as he looked back and forth between Sebastian and the devastation he had wrought on his best friend. Nick forced himself to take a calming breath so that he could attend to Jeff before handling Sebastian.

"Jeff, sit down and..."

Nick reconsidered his request as he replayed the few words he'd understood from his friend, _oh god it hurts_. He was going to destroy Sebastian for this, for violating Jeff.

"Uh, actually _lay_ down and I'll be right back."

"Noooo," Jeff whined, clinging to the front of Nick's t-shirt but slowly sliding down as Nick started to step toward Sebastian. "Don't lee meee. I'm sso sorwy, Nick."

Nick kissed the top of Jeff's disheveled blond head as he slumped against the wall and then sprawled himself out on floor, apparently taking Nick's advice not to sit...or perhaps simply lacking the muscle coordination to hold himself up. Nick couldn't be sure. Oh yeah, he was definitely going to _kill_ Sebastian.

"What the hell did you do to him?!" Nick growled as he abruptly lunged at Sebastian and shoved the startled boy against the wall next to the door, holding him in place by his shoulders.

"Nooo, ssstop!" Jeff yelled from the bedroom floor as more tears filled his eyes and he waved his hands around plaintively for a few moments before losing his balance and face planting into the carpet.

Nick's attention was divided between renewed concern for his best friend's well-being and seething fury at Sebastian for hurting him. By the time Nick had fully refocused on Sebastian, the new Warbler captain's long fingers had wrapped around Nick's throat. Nick's eyes widened and he involuntarily released his grip on Sebastian's shoulders. An instant later pain shot across Nick's upper back as Sebastian pushed him across the room's narrow entryway and slammed him against the opposite wall.

"What did I _do_ to him?" Sebastian growled, repeating Nick's own question, his face only inches from Nick's. "Listen up, Duval; it's Friday night and you're the only guy I've had pressed up against a wall all evening – I am _not_ in the mood for any of your closeted, pining-over-your-best-friend, lame-ass high school drama."

"Nooo, pleeeeese you guysss. Be nice." Jeff tried to scuttle across the floor on his hands and knees, but promptly stumbled again. This time when his face hit the floor he seemed to decide that the plush carpet made a nice enough pillow and curled up into a ball with his head against the floor.

Sebastian let out an irritated sigh as he returned his gaze to Nick. "I'll tell you what I _did_ to him. I took him to an over-priced, shitty restaurant that somehow manages to qualify as 'French cuisine' here in culture-starved Ohio. Over dinner I got to listen to him bitch about what a giant douche bag you were being, interspersed with frequent disclaimers about how you meant well. Then I took him to the Midwest's idea of a gay bar – some hole in the wall called Scandals, and yes, calling it a gay bar is indeed quite a scandal. I'm pretty sure it's just a holding pen where bloated, over-the-hill queens go and wait to die – I bought him a couple of frilly drinks and listened as he regaled me with nostalgic story after nostalgic story about _you_. Then toward the end of the second drink he decided you weren't a d-bag after all, and that everything was all his fault."

"I ruint ourrr whollle etirrre date. I sssooo sorwy, Sebasssian," the blond wailed dramatically as he rolled onto his back and looked at Nick and Sebastian upside down.

"It's okay, Jeff," Sebastian answered in an irritated, long-suffering voice before returning his attention to Nick and finally releasing the hold he had on his throat. "Hey here's another newsflash: Jeff is a weepy drunk."

"So you didn't have sex with him?" Nick asked for confirmation as a huge wave of relief washed over him.

"Only if you describe watching him throw up on my expensive, Italian leather boots as sex. Here's a second tidbit for you: after two and a half drinks Jeff does a damn fine little-girl-from-The-Exorcist-spewing impersonation. We spent the rest of the night in the men's room while he puked and I tried to keep him from washing his face in the toilet or giving himself a porcelain-god-induced concussion...action-packed yes, but not the usual excitement I enjoy in men's room stalls on Friday nights."

"Seb was reeeeally sweet," Jeff confirmed as he rolled back onto his side and covered his head with his arms. "And I jusss ruinted everrrythin with _boff_ of you, and now you _boff_ hate me."

"Yes, yes, and now all the puppies and kittens are going to die and nothing will ever be good again," Sebastian interjected with feigned seriousness, making Jeff cry even harder. Nick swatted his arm, then rushed over to Jeff and knelt on the floor next to him. Now that he had learned that Sebastian hadn't violated Jeff after all, Nick's one and only priority was comforting the distressed blond. He ran his fingers through Jeff's hair and massaged his scalp in an effort to calm him.

"Ssshh, Jeffy it's okay. We don't hate you, and don't worry the puppies and kittens are fine," Nick said, ignoring Sebastian's sniggering.

"It hurts ssooo much you mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you, Jeffy. You're the one who should be mad at me."

"Noooo," Jeff insisted, his mouth forming a big o-shape. "Is all mine owwwn fault. Mine...mine own?" Jeff shrugged to himself, apparently unsure of the phrase he wanted. "I messed up."

"No, _I_ messed up," Nick countered, cradling Jeff's head.

"Oh god, now _I'm_ gonna barf," Sebastian said. "If you'll excuse me, I'll leave you both to your self-flagellation."

Nick looked up at Sebastian, confused. "I'm not flexible enough for that."

Sebastian gave Nick another eye roll and turned to leave.

"Seb wait," Nick called out, stopping him. Nick gave the side of Jeff's head another affectionate rub and patted his shoulder once more to further convey that he wasn't angry with him before jumping to his feet and returning to Sebastian. He quickly threw his arms around the taller boy before he had a chance to object. "Thank you for taking care of him and for doing the right thing. Sorry I pushed you. You're a true friend after all."

"We are _not_ friends," Sebastian insisted as his posture stiffened and he tried to pull away from Nick's tight embrace. "And unless you want to do this naked, let go of me."

Nick laughed and released him. Sebastian walked out of the room, but just as Nick was about to close the door, he sighed and turned around again to face him. "But if we were friends, I would tell you to pull your head out of your ass, fuckin' man up, and tell him how you feel."

"Wait, so are you saying you're steppin' aside?" Nick asked, cocking his head to the side.

"No, I'm _squishing _aside in my vomit-covered boots. You do the math. Good night, Nick."

"Good night, Seb."

After he closed the door, not bothering to lock it, Nick returned to Jeff, who was now clutching the floor like he thought it might try to run away.

"Let's get you cleaned up and into bed."

Jeff slowly lifted his head. When he did so Nick could see that he was still silently crying. His brown eyes were dilated and bloodshot and the tracks of his tears led in a slick, messy trail all the way down to his chin. Nick couldn't help himself; he gently took Jeff's face in his hands, his fingers brushing over Jeff's ears as he cupped Jeff's cheeks and carefully used his thumbs to wipe away the tears pooling around Jeff's eyes.

"You're okay now, Jeffy. Everything's okay."

"I was wrong. I do need your permizzon-permiz...per-miss-on."

"What do you mean?"

"Tah go out. Or t-to date. I'm sorwy, Nick. I said I don't, but I _do_. I so do." Jeff tried to hang his head, but Nick held him firmly in place, staring into his eyes.

"Of course you don't, Jeff. I was being a gargantuan asshole." Nick's thumb lightly stroked over Jeff's cheekbone. Nick couldn't get over how beautiful his friend looked, even drunk, disheveled, and red-eyed. Nick felt a familiar tightening in his chest and a tingling in his fingers where he was touching Jeff.

"I won't do it again," Jeff said, sniffling and emphasizing the vow with his eyes. "I won't go out with _anyone,_ unless yous approve him."

"I'm sorry," Nick said in a low voice, licking his lips nervously.

"No, _I'm_ sorry," Jeff insisted again, seeming somewhat annoyed that Nick wasn't letting him take the blame.

"I mean for this," Nick whispered, certain he was crossing a line, that now wasn't the right time, but unable to hold himself back any longer.

Nick pressed his lips against Jeff's, his hands still caressing Jeff's face, holding it close. Nick's mouth was warm and sparking with excitement, and when Jeff gasped in surprise, Nick didn't even try to resist the urge to slip his tongue through Jeff's lips.

Nick wasn't expecting the flood of unpleasant tastes that assaulted him as his tongue pushed against Jeff's. At first Jeff's mouth seemed nothing like it had been the first time they shared a kiss back in freshman year. Before it had been fresh and vaguely minty. Jeff was still the only person Nick had ever kissed and he didn't think he would ever forget the way his mouth had felt and tasted that night. Now, however, Nick was encountering an odd, un-Jeff-like cocktail of tastes that he could barely identify: acidic, syrupy sweet, a hint of garlic and spice, and a pervading cloud of staleness. Nick tried not to inspect the flavors any further. He knew that they had to reflect the various things that had gone into – and out of – Jeff's mouth over the course of the evening.

All at once Jeff seemed to come alive to what was happening and Nick felt Jeff's hands tangle into the front of his shirt just as his tongue was now enthusiastically tangling with Nick's. Soon all thoughts of unpleasant tastes were forgotten and all Nick could think about was the fact that he was finally kissing _Jeff_ again, that their hands were holding each other close, that their faces were pressed together and, that they were sharing the same air. It was exactly the type of intimacy Nick had been craving with his best friend for so long, and all that seemed to matter now was kissing Jeff even harder and deeper, moving his body still closer to Jeff's.

Nick repositioned himself, shifting from his knees into a full seated position so that he could wrap his legs around Jeff's waist and get their chests closer together. He was pleased to feel Jeff holding onto the front of his shirt tightly as he resettled, apparently unwilling to allow even the slightest bit of extra space between them. Once Nick was in place Jeff's hands traveled from his chest around to his back, desperately clutching at him.

As Nick's tongue slid under Jeff's and he began sucking hard on the hot, smooth muscle, Nick suddenly realized that 'desperate' was indeed the perfect word to describe Jeff's whole urgent demeanor during their make out session. All of his actions and behaviors seemed colored by a kind of frenetic desperation. It was as though Jeff was struggling to send Nick an important message and he was terrified that Nick wasn't receiving it. Nick could feel Jeff's heart pounding through their chests.

Nick wanted to tell Jeff that he understood, that he felt what Jeff was feeling too, and that this kiss carried a promise of much more. Obviously words were out of the question, and so Nick found himself sucking even harder on Jeff's tongue, and sticking his own probing appendage even deeper into Jeff's mouth. He had to let Jeff know that he was desired and special. That he was...

Gagging. Jeff was gagging now and trying to push Nick away with just as much urgency and desperation as he had been pulling him in only a moment earlier. Nick let go of Jeff's face and pulled back just in time for Jeff to turn his head and throw up, releasing a torrent of sickness all over his own side and Nick's thigh.

Nick couldn't help what happened next. He had always been weak stomached. The sound of Jeff gagging, the smell of the acrid substance, the sight of the yellowy orange chunks, and the sensation of the hot, wetness seeping through his thin pajama pants all combined to be much more than he could take. With even less warning than Jeff had given, Nick turned to the other side and relinquished the mushy remnants of his own most recent meal.

Unfortunately Nick's response, and the fact that he too covered their legs in vomit, did nothing but spur Jeff's bout of nausea to a higher level, resulting in another long volley of puke from the inebriated blond. This time Jeff didn't even have the chance to turn his head as he covered their fronts in another round of putrid awfulness. Predictably Nick once again responded in kind, and so it went until they were both on their hands and knees, coughing and dry heaving.

Nick felt weak and dizzy and his face and neck had already broken out in a cold sweat. Without thinking about what he was doing he tried to wipe away the perspiration with the bottom of his shirt, but succeeded only in smearing more vomit on his face instead. He descended into another bout of coughing and painful dry heaves. He felt awful and found himself wishing with all his heart that his mom or dad were there to take care of him. Then he felt guilty – and nauseated all over again – as he looked at Jeff and realized that he must be feeling even worse. He was the drunk one after all.

Nick crawled over to Jeff and began rubbing his back, ignoring the fact that he was also rubbing more vomit into the fabric thanks to his heavily soiled hands. A few moments later there was a knock at their door.

"Who is it?" Nick called weakly, now leaning against Jeff as much for support as to offer comfort. Rather than answer their visitor merely opened the door.

"I still had Jeff's phone from– OH MY FUCK!" Sebastian exclaimed as he covered his mouth and began to gag slightly himself. Fortunately his stomach held and he began taking shallow breaths and regarding them with severe disgust.

"We threw up," Nick stated in a small voice.

"No shit," Sebastian retorted.

"Nope, no shit," Nick confirmed, grateful for small favors.

"Help," Jeff muttered as he let his head thud against the wall.

Sebastian seemed at a loss for what to do for a few moments. Then he raised his hand to his jaw thoughtfully as he assessed the situation. He sighed and then carefully stepped around Nick, staying as far away from the carnage as possible as he stepped into their bathroom.

Nick heard him rustling around for a little while then he reemerged holding the laundry basket they used for dirty towels. He tossed one to Nick, who managed to catch his, then another to Jeff, whose merely fell into his lap.

"Start wiping yourselves off," Sebastian instructed. "Face and hands first," he added as Nick began sopping ineffectually at his shirt. "Then you both need to strip down."

"What?!" Nick exclaimed, much of the strength returning to his voice as he became outraged.

"You obviously need showers."

"You just want to get us naked," Nick accused, his previous suspicions about Sebastian returning in a flood. He crawled forward slightly, positioning himself protectively between Jeff and the dark-haired sex shark.

"Oh yes, all of _this_ was part of some master plan I had to get you naked." Sebastian rolled his eyes and tossed another towel at Nick's head. "Get over yourself, Duval. You couldn't pay enough to have sex you right now. You're both absolutely disgusting."

Nick briefly considered the merits of scooping up a vial or two of the barf and carrying it around as Sebastian repellant, but then he felt guilty. Sebastian was trying to help after all, and he had been taking care of Jeff all evening without taking advantage of him.

"I'm sorry. Here." Nick shucked off his vomit-caked shirt and held it out to Sebastian like a prize. The new Warbler merely furrowed his brow and looked at Nick like he was an idiot, then dumped the remainder of the towels onto the floor before holding out the now-empty hamper to receive Nick's bile-soaked offering.

"Take off your pants, and go get in the shower. I'll get Jeff ready and into the shower with you," Sebastian said nodding toward the barely-conscious blond. Now that the excitement of the kissing and upchucking had faded, Jeff seemed content to pass out in a heap against the wall.

Nick had already pealed off the rest of his clothes and was about to step into their bathroom when he stopped and spun around to face Sebastian, no longer feeling modest or self-conscious in his surprise. "Wait, you want us to shower together?"

"Well unless you want him to drown I don't think he should shower by himself," Sebastian remarked as he scrunched up his face and stepped around piles of puke so he could get to Jeff. He gingerly grabbed a clean spot along the hem of Jeff's shirt and began tugging it over the limp, heavy-limbed performer. "God, this really is the worst date I've ever had."

Nick watched with fascination as Sebastian finished removing Jeff's shirt and then gently but firmly pulled him to his feet.

"I'm _not_ going to grope him," Sebastian snarled at Nick as he wrapped Jeff's arms around his neck and tried to get him to hang on so that he could prop him against the wall and begin unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his pants.

"No sorry," Nick said holding up his hands apologetically. "It's really not that. I was just...curious."

"Well you can satisfy your curiosity in a little while when you're scrubbing his sack," Sebastian remarked as he unzipped Jeff's fly and narrowly avoided stepping backward into a pile of throw-up when Jeff pitched forward suddenly.

Nick had to hand it to Sebastian, he wasn't being pervy with Jeff, and he'd had more than ample opportunity to check out Nick's goods by now too, but hadn't. Nick blushed as he processed Sebastian's most recent statement and then turned and hurried to the shower. If he was going to be showering with Jeff he wanted to get the towels and washcloths ready and the water temperature adjusted properly.

A few minutes later Nick was under the refreshing, hot stream and had already succeeded in rinsing away all the visible foulness from his body when he heard Sebastian enter the bathroom with Jeff. Under the pounding water Nick couldn't decipher what Sebastian was saying, but he could tell he was speaking in soothing tones to Jeff. Nick frowned and swallowed hard, once again feeling like a huge jerk for everything he had been thinking, and even _saying_, about Sebastian.

"-going to take care of you now. Good night," Sebastian said to Jeff as he slowly pulled aside the shower curtain, giving Nick plenty of time to reposition and help the naked Jeff into the slick enclosure. He addressed Nick, looking him in the eye. "Be careful with him. He's still not standing too well. I left towels over the mess. I am _not_ cleaning it up, but my father was going to be coming to campus tomorrow anyway. I'll call him in the morning and tell him to bring our maid, Malinda, to do it."

"No, don't do that. I'll clean it up," Nick insisted, feeling mortified at the prospect of a paid stranger cleaning up his vomit. He had already wrapped his arms securely around Jeff, who seemed to be trying to hide his face in the crook of Nick's neck. Despite the strong embarrassment Nick was feeling, he also felt a strong glow of happiness and inner warmth at the way Jeff's naked flesh was pressed against his own. It was the complete, unvarnished intimacy he had yearned to have for so long with the other boy.

Sebastian shrugged. "It's what she's paid for. I left Jeff's phone on his desk. I'm going to bed, but..." Sebastian hesitated for a few moments before reluctantly continuing. "But if the smell is too bad, you and Jeff can come and sleep in the spare bed in my room."

"Wow, thanks, Seb!" Nick declared, genuinely touched by the offer. "Will do, but I think we'll be okay."

Sebastian nodded, pulled the shower curtain shut, and left.

Nick smiled and leaned his head against Jeff's before adjusting the shower-head so that the warm spray was hitting Jeff's shoulders. He hoped the sensation was as pleasant to Jeff as he always found it. He ran his hands up and down Jeff's now-slick back, washing away the trace stickiness and massaging the muscles.

Jeff murmured contentedly and let his hands slid down from the sides of Nick's ribcage to his hips. He slowly raised his head from Nick's shoulder and looked at Nick with troubled eyes. "Seb saw me naked...are you mad?"

"Of course not," Nick answered, wiping the long, blond bangs from away from Jeff's eyes. "It was okay because he was taking care of you."

"I'm sorry," Jeff said, his head dropping and the wet hair once again obscuring his face. "I really messed up and..." Jeff stopped and looked at Nick's bare chest with surprise. Then he furtively lowered his gaze before snapping it back up to Nick's face. "We're naked!" Jeff's wide eyes swept around the shower's interior quickly, as though he was only just registering their setting. Perhaps the steamy water was helping to clear his head.

Nick giggled and let his hands drop from Jeff's back to the curve of his ass, pulling him in close until the slick fronts of thighs were pressing together, their unaroused privates fully making contact with each other for the first time. Nick grinned. "Yep, I really like it! It feels so good."

In truth Nick's chest felt like it was going to explode from happiness. He pressed it against Jeff's and, holding on tightly, stepped back more fully under the water so that a portion of the warm stream was hitting the back of his head, but the majority was pelting Jeff's clavicle and cascading down their fronts. Being naked and wet with Jeff was turning out to be a lot of fun!

"I...I don't understand. Wh-what's going on. Wh-What was th-that out there?" Jeff started trembling despite the hot spray and their small, steamy enclosure. His body went rigid in Nick's arms and he dropped his hands to his sides, clearly trying to minimize his contact with Nick's body.

Nick felt confused too. What didn't Jeff understand? Why was he suddenly being so shy and withdrawn? A wave of crushing disappointment swept over Nick at Jeff's abrupt shift in mood, but he reluctantly dropped his own hands from Jeff's body and stepped away, giving his friend the space he so obviously wanted. He realized that he must have misinterpreted Jeff's actions earlier. Hell maybe Jeff had been so drunk that he thought he had been kissing Sebastian.

Self-recrimination and disappointment stabbed through Nick as he thought about what he had done. He had been so irate about the possibility of _Sebastian_ taking advantage of Jeff, and yet he had turned around and done it himself. He had forced himself on Jeff when he was helpless, made him sick, and now he was molesting him in the shower. Nick had gone from feeling awesome to feeling completely terrible in a matter of seconds.

Jeff shyly covered himself with his hands, but spoke again, urgency giving his voice renewed strength. "Nick, what's going on?" He gave Nick a scared look, pleading with him to explain.

"I'm sorry, Jeffy...I– God, you're never gonna trust me again...I like you, like romantically– well actually I _love_ you...but I-I didn't mean to– I've been trying to tell you but– I dunno, I guess everything just came out all at once." Nick almost cracked a smile as he realized just how true that literally was, but he shook his head, clearing it, and continuing in a serious tone. "I swear I thought you knew what was happening, but I shoulda made sure. Can you ever forgive me?"

Jeff gaped at him open mouthed, and dropped his hands from his crotch in surprise. "You-you like..._love_ me? Ro-romantically?" Jeff blinked at him and tilted his head to the side.

"Yeah," Nick said in a shaky voice. He felt like his heart was pounding on the _outside_ of his chest, fully exposed. "More than anything. But I just want you to be happy. So if you don't–"

Nick's words died in his throat as Jeff lunged forward and crushed his mouth against Nick's. Nick stumbled backward into the shower wall, but he didn't even mind the faucet and shower knobs digging into his back. All that mattered was that Jeff was kissing him, touching him _everywhere_, and that there could be no confusion this time about what was happening and what it all meant.

To Nick's delight he found that his excitement was being physically manifested and a moment later when Jeff deepened the kiss and bucked his hips against Nick's, a low guttural moan escaped his throat. Jeff was having a similar reaction and it felt like ecstasy with their 'reactions' rubbing together. As he matched Jeff's tongue stroke for stroke with his own, he reached down and clasped their lengths together, intent on stroking there too.

"W-we can't." Jeff stepped away, flushed and out of breath. "I want to. I want this but...I'm sorry." Jeff raised his hands to his face and turned around.

The water was spraying against Jeff's lower back and flowing down over his pert cheeks, as though shrouding his recesses in steam and watery promises of what could be. Nick frowned, realizing that he was thinking with the wrong head. It was maddening that when his body finally got on board with the physical side of his desire for Jeff, he was forced to subjugate it, but subjugate it he would to deepen his relationship with Jeff. He stepped behind Jeff, putting a soothing hand on his shoulder, and carefully keeping his hips well back.

"I'm sorry if we were going too fast. I shouldn't have touched you there."

Jeff turned around, his dark eyes soft and vulnerable. "It's not that I didn't like it, and I definitely _do_ want to do that with you. Just..."

"Not yet?" Nick suggested.

"Yeah," Jeff nodded and raised a hand shyly to Nick's chest, as though still unsure of whether or not it was okay to touch him in that way. "I just need some time to get my head around everything. I don't want stuff to just happen because we're...Well I mean it's not like we don't love each other but..."

"I want our first time to be special too," Nick answered, taking the hand Jeff had on his chest and lacing their fingers together. He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Jeff's lips – well it would have been chaste if their cocks hadn't brushed together. Nick figured this was the kind of situation where it was the thought that counted anyway.

After they finished their shower, Nick insisted that Jeff hold still and allow him to towel him off. The entire time Nick dried him, Jeff's ears were beet-red, the color standing out even more vividly against his pale hair, though Nick suspected that if hair could have blushed, Jeff's would have been. Jeff was adorable when he was being bashful and until this night he hadn't acted that way around Nick for a very long time; it was an unexpected treat. After Jeff was taken care of Nick dried himself as well, and then, wrapped only in their towels, they brushed their teeth, then returned to the main part of their room.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Jeff asked.

"Getting pajamas?" Nick answered, uncertainty gripping his voice just as the hand he was using to grip the drawer handle likewise paused. He was unsure of what to make of the question. Jeff knew where Nick kept his clothes as well as Nick himself did – better even considering that Nick often needed to enlist Jeff's assistance in locating various items. It should have been obvious what Nick was doing.

"Well okay but...uh if you didn't want to, that'd be okay too." Jeff did another beet impression, the scarlet tinge sweeping all the way down to his still-bare chest. That was when Nick realized that Jeff himself had made no move to get dressed.

"I'm cool with going Comanche," Nick declared with a grin, dropping his towel and turning to face Jeff in all his glory.

"Don't you mean commando?" Jeff asked, hesitating only a moment before removing the towel from around his own waist and then taking a seat on his bed.

"Nah, commandos wear clothes," Nick answered as he crossed the room and took a seat next to Jeff. His bed was farther away from the vomit after all. It only made sense for them to share it.

"I think Comanches wore clothes too," Jeff pointed out, leaning into Nick's shoulder.

"But probably not Hanes tees and sleep pants," Nick reasoned, wrapping his arms around Jeff and pulling him down onto the mattress.

"You know they still have a reservation in Oklahoma, so maybe." Jeff laughed softly and rolled toward Nick, their foreheads and knees lightly pressing together.

"Nah, they're Fruit of the Loom kinda guys all the way," Nick stated decisively, his hand tracing lines over Jeff's side.

"Ah, well then since you don't have any Fruit of the Loom pajamas you'll just have to go naked."

"Yep, that's what I'm thinking too, and you'll have to go naked with me out of brotherly solidarity." Nick scooted closer until their chests were also pressing together, and his hand slid around to the small of Jeff's back.

Jeff laughed, his now-minty breath tickling Nick's lips. "I think we should probably come up with a less incestuous way to describe our relationship. I mean I have a brother after all, and just – euugh!" Jeff shook his head and shivered dramatically.

"Wow! Less than an hour and you're already pressuring me to have the 'defining our relationship' talk," Nick teased, raising his hands in a quotes-mark gesture.

"No! I didn't mean it like that! Really Nick, I–"

Nick silenced him with a kiss. He intended it to be a quick peck, but it soon got away from him and became an all out make out session, complete with hands running through hair and resurging erections once again getting reacquainted. This time Nick forced himself to pull away, mindful of their decision to slow down. It was difficult; being with Jeff so intimately felt so right.

"How about boyfriends," Nick whispered against Jeff's lips.

"Ar-are you sure?" Jeff panted back, out of breath and regarding Nick with a lust-blown expression that indicated he might have been willing to forgo the 'going slowly' thing after all.

"Absolutely!" Nick grinned and cupped the side of Jeff's face, his chest once again swelling with emotion as he stared into his soulful eyes. They were like shimmering chocolate pools with flecks of honey and gold twinkling throughout. Jeff's 'happy eyes' were quite possibly the most beautiful thing Nick had ever seen.

Relief and even more happiness washed over Jeff's face and he playfully bumped their noses together in that way that had become 'their thing' when they were cuddled together like this. A few seconds later however, his face clouded over and Nick could tell that he wanted to say something else, but was reluctant.

"What is it, Jeffy?" Nick asked, rubbing his back and giving him what he hoped came across as a patient, encouraging look.

"I just...don't completely understand. I always thought you were straight and...w-well I guess you didn't have to tell me, but uh, if you're not I'm...well why _didn't_ you tell me?"

"I don't really know how to answer that," Nick admitted, trying to come up with a good way to phrase what he felt. Jeff waited patiently and when he was ready he continued. "I think I _am_ straight...It just kinda doesn't matter with you."

Jeff looked flattered and worried at the same time. "So are you attracted to me?"

Nick _really_ didn't know how to answer that. "I'm attracted to being with you."

"But do you just feel like you have to because we're so close or something?" Jeff asked, doubt lacing his voice.

"No, of course not!" Nick answered immediately. "Jeff, I swear, I _really _want this. I've wanted it for a long time."

"Me too," Jeff said earnestly. "I...I've wanted it since we first met. I've _always_ wanted to be with you, Nick, but I thought it was impossible. I thought we could only be friends."

Nick shrugged. He still didn't understand his sexuality, but he knew _this_ was right, that kissing and holding Jeff was right, that removing the last bit of space between them felt perfect. "I don't know what I am, Jeff, but I know without a doubt that I want to be with you."

**-000-**

Nick awoke to the sound of their dorm room door opening. He had never gotten around to locking it the night before.

Jeff groaned next to him and rolled onto his back. The boys had stayed up late talking the previous night, even after all the serious topics were exhausted they had stayed up giggling, talking about random things, and kissing occasionally. Nick was nowhere near ready to leave the warm cocoon that Jeff and the blankets provided.

"Well _gooood_ _morrrning_, boys!" Sebastian declared as he licked his lips and leered at the twin tints propping up the sheets over Nick's and Jeff's midsections. "I'm glad to see you're both up."

Jeff gasped and quickly rolled onto his side, facing Nick and away from Sebastian, obviously trying to hide his arousal. However, in the process he inadvertently raised the sheets slightly, revealing part of his backside.

"Atta boy, Jeff! I've seen your growth projection, now show me that hard bottom line!"

"Sebastian, what the hell?!" Nick demanded, wrapping his arms protectively around Jeff and readjusting the bedding in an effort to preserve his brand-new boyfriend's modesty. "I thought you weren't going to say stuff like that anymore?"

"Why would you think that?" Sebastian asked with a chuckle. "Jeff's sober, and neither one of you is sick anymore." Jeff interjected a hungover moan to counter the statement, but Sebastian continued. "You're both fair game again."

"So is there a reason, other than wanting an eyeful, that you barged into our room?" Nick asked only slightly annoyed with Sebastian. Their neighbor seemed to be in an unusually cheerful mood, and as Jeff's head nuzzled under Nick's chin he thought about all the things that he himself also had to be happy about.

"That's plenty reason enough," Sebastian assured him with a wink. "But yes, Malinda is ready to clean the room, and for some reason my father has it in his head to take us all out to breakfast."

"She really doesn't need to do that. We can handle it," Nick said.

"Yeah, I don't want to be anymore trouble," Jeff said softly, mumbling into Nick's neck. Nick was unsurprised that Jeff would feel shy around Sebastian again after everything that had happened the previous night. Maybe going out to eat with him would help clear the air.

"Whatever, just get dressed and get ready." Sebastian's smirk returned as he looked pointedly at the bulge Nick was still visibly sporting. "But by all means take your time. Morning wood is a terrible thing to waste."

Nick threw a pillow at Sebastian, but it glanced off his arm and landed on top of the towel-covered vomit. Nick and Sebastian both exclaimed, "EWWWW!" in unison and then Sebastian left, leaving the boys to get dressed. As they did so they couldn't help but shoot each other goofy smiles from time to time.

**-000-**

"Thank you for breakfast, Mr. Smythe," Jeff said politely, albeit quietly, after the group had placed their order.

None of them had ever been to the restaurant before, but Sebastian's father had looked it up on Yelp and it had received great reviews for its breakfasts and brunches.

"Please, call me Quentin," Mr. Smythe answered, giving Jeff a smile that Nick recognized as very similar to Sebastian's fake one. The father and son seemed very similar in a lot of regards – a fact which Nick knew would irritate Sebastian to no end and which he had already made a mental note to tell him later.

Both Smythe men were tall and muscular, and Nick suspected they both spent a lot of time working out in private gyms, though the elder Smythe did have a bit more substance to his frame in general. They had the same dark green eyes and brown hair, and similar facial features, although Quentin's came with slight wrinkling around the eyes and mouth, and a somewhat rounder face. The Smythe patriarch had a much more serious demeanor than his son, but the polite distance was also very reminiscent of the way Sebastian occasionally behaved.

"He doesn't mean that," Sebastian said, rolling his eyes. "He says to call him Quentin, but if you actually do he'll bitch about how rude you are later."

"I don't bitch, Sebastian. A man never _bitches_; he makes statements about the world."

"Oh yes of course," Sebastian said, smirking at his father. "And he sips Courvoisier and smokes cigars while he does it."

"Well only if he's sophisticated." Father and son both let out a pretentious snort at the assessment, though Sebastian's was accompanied with another sarcastic eye roll. Oh yeah, Nick was going to have a field day pointing this stuff out to Sebastian later.

"It's nice to meet some of Sebastian's friends for a change," Mr. Smythe continued.

"They're not my friends; they're just two guys I'm currently working on seducing. I won't even look at them again after the threesome's over." Sebastian seemed to take pleasure in the way his father's jaw briefly dropped open, as well as the disapproving glare he shot all three teenagers.

"We _are_ his friends," Nick insisted, more certain of that fact than ever after the events of the preceding night.

"It helps my cause for him to think that," Sebastian remarked, smirking at Nick and taking the opportunity to reach across the table and caress his arm.

"Well you have my respect, kid," Quentin said, sighing and shaking his head at Sebastian. "I'm fond of the boy, but he could try the patience of a Buddhist monk."

"Oh he's_ fond_ of me," Sebastian declared dramatically. "Please dad, reign in some of the affection. You're embarrassing me."

"I'm here visiting you aren't I?" Sebastian's father answered defensively. "I even took your homosexual friends out to breakfast to show my implicit tolerance of your lifestyle. What more do you want?"

"Uh, I'm not gay," Nick interjected.

Mr. Smythe waved his hand dismissively. "Fine, your homosexual friend and your sexually confused friend."

"I'm not..." Nick trailed off as he realized that the label actually did sort of fit him.

Sebastian glowered at his father and carefully avoided eye contact with Nick and Jeff. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but eventually he just glanced at the menu and shrugged. "I want a mimosa."

"Fine," Mr. Smythe answered untroubled by the request. He snapped his fingers insistently until a server appeared. "I'd like a mimosa," he told the young woman who wasn't even their waitress. After she left he turned to Sebastian. "Just be discrete while you drink it."

"Oh sure, dad. I'll be _discrete_. I know that's all you care about."

"You really are an annoying, spoiled little shit, Sebastian." Despite his harsh words he draped an arm around Sebastian's shoulders.

"Then why did you even bother to come out here? Why didn't you just drop a check in the mail like you usually do and save us both the headache."

"Because I wanted to see you." Mr. Smythe squeezed Sebastian's shoulders. "I wanted to find out how your first week of school went. How were glee and lacrosse tryouts?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, dad. Your _donations_ were suitable. I'm captain of both."

"I don't know what you mean, son. You're very talented. I'm sure that's why they gave you those positions."

"Oh honestly, how stupid do you think I am?" Sebastian turned to Nick and Jeff in frustration. "You see what he's like. One minute he's telling me I'm an annoying, spoiled little shit, then he turns around and says I'm talented."

"Well I am right. You are talented," Quentin insisted, patting his son's back, but then smirking a very familiar smirk and continuing. "And you're also an annoying, spoiled little shit." Sebastian glared at his father, and the man chuckled and smiled pleasantly at him. "But I'm proud of you."

As the morning went on, Nick found that it was actually a lot of fun watching the two of them interact, though he ended up feeling sorry for both of them. Sebastian was right: his father did vacillate a great deal between proud parent and disapproving elder. Quentin of course was right too: Sebastian was a spoiled, annoying little shit. However, that didn't change the fact that the other three people at the table certainly cared about Sebastian, none moreso than his father.

When their food arrived there was a small lull in the conversation as they all began eating. Nick found himself sneaking looks at Jeff and wondering what he was thinking about. Did he wish for the same sort of dysfunctional affection Sebastian and his father shared? It would have seemed downright awful to Nick, but he was willing to bet that Jeff would have given anything for 'implicit tolerance' and good-natured ribbing. Then Nick remembered that he needed to tell his own dad about his and Jeff's relationship...and that they needed to take extra precautions to keep Jeff's father from ever finding out. Whatever happened, he and Jeff were in it together, and he realized that he wouldn't particularly mind if Sebastian were along for the ride too.

**-000-**

**End Note: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I want to give an acknowledgment/thanks to both UconnHusky90 and melissa. Maier. 902. Apart from being generally delightful people whom I always enjoy communicating with, they both separately used the phrase 'sex shark' which I had never heard before, but found absolutely hilarious and delightful and had to appropriate for this chapter in reference to Sebastian. Also, check out their stories; they're what awesome would look like if it made a FanFiction account ;-)  
**

**As a little heads up, I'm a bit _less_ sure of what the next chapter is going to encompass, although I _think_ it will involve a general progression of Nick and Jeff's relationship as well as most likely a reappearance of Jeff's father. There's also actually still one more secondary main character left to introduce in this story, although I'm not sure if he'll make his first appearance in the next chapter.**

**Anyway, reviews and feedback are greatly appreciated!**


	9. Chapter 9: Family Obligations

**Can't Fight These Feelings**

**A/N: Here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy this one! As I'm sure you've noticed if you remember my original projection that the story would be _short_...it kinda isn't. It'll probably end in about four or five years – story time of course! So yeah, actually a bit in the future from real world time.**

**Chapter 9 – Family Obligations**

_September, 2011_

"I can't believe she's going to wear white," Maggie declared from the backseat. "Who does she think she's fooling? It's ludicrous."

Nick furrowed his brow and turned up the volume on the radio slightly to make sure he was correct. Vindicated he spoke up. "You are _so_ not even close, Mag. It's T-Pain."

"Eugh! Why are the men in our family so stupid?"

"Margaret Jane Duval, that is quite enough!" Sandra chided from the passenger seat. Nick glanced at her and saw her giving Maggie a stern glare in the small mirror embedded in her sun-visor which she had been using only moments earlier to reapply her make up. Nick suspected that his mom might just be the only woman on the planet who could look intimidating while brandishing a tiny foundation brush.

"But mom, I–"

"Enough," Sandra reiterated, only raising her voice slightly. "Now apologize to your brother."

"I'm sorry you have the vocabulary of a eight-year-old, Nickface."

"Maggie," Sandra intoned once again.

"Fine. I'm sorry I called you stupid," Maggie said grudgingly.

"It's okay. You're just upset." Nick gave her a small smile in the rearview mirror to let her know there were no hard feelings. He was rewarded a little while later when Jeff reached over the back of the seat and gave his shoulder a squeeze. Nick took the opportunity to pat his boyfriend's hand before once again tilting the rearview and grinning at him.

"Pay attention to the road, honey," Sandra reminded him before once again addressing Maggie, this time in a more conciliatory tone. "Maggie, it's okay that you're upset and it's even okay that you don't like Cathy, but you don't get to call your father or brother stupid."

"Whatever. Besides, I do still like Nick," Maggie mumbled.

"But you don't like your dad?"

"I don't like what he's doing," Maggie answered.

"And that's fine, but try to remember the distinction and treat him with the respect and kindness he deserves."

"Why should I?" Maggie demanded. "He doesn't care about my feelings, or yours, or Nick's. Why do we need to be so nice about this?"

"Because you–" Sandra started, but Nick cut her off.

"Geez Maggie, do you really think dad's getting remarried just to piss us off? This isn't about us."

"Are you really okay with this, mom?" Maggie pressed, apparently ignoring Nick.

"Of course. I wouldn't be going if I wasn't. I still love Ian, and I still want him to be happy, even if it isn't with me."

"And it makes you feel less guilty," Nick muttered under his breath, feelings of resentment surging back to the surface.

"Yes, Nick, it does," Sandra admitted.

Nick briefly glanced at his mom and sighed in frustration before returning his eyes to the road. He didn't want to feel this way anymore. He didn't want to be angry with her. "Sorry, mom."

"It's okay, honey."

"Well let's talk about something more pleasant," Nick suggested, eager to change the subject and once again glancing at Jeff in the mirror. "Like how adorable my boyfriend looks in tux!"

"_Very_ hot!" Maggie agreed right away. Nick watched in amusement as Jeff's cheeks burned red and he bashfully turned to look out the window and avoid Maggie's gaze.

"If I were only twenty-five years younger," Sandra interjected with a dramatic sigh.

"Mom, that's _really_ creepy!" Nick said.

"Oh I'm just teasing," Sandra answered, "But all three of you look beautiful in your formal wear. And Maggie, you always look lovely, dear, but you've never looked more elegant or grown up."

"Thanks mom," Maggie answered, her demeanor softening slightly.

"You look very nice too, Ms. Duval," Jeff said.

"Thank you, sweetheart."

"Suck up!" Maggie teased.

Once they arrived at the church where the wedding would be held, Nick and Jeff helped Nick's mom out of the car and into her wheelchair. Then Nick and Jeff entered the large activity center adjoining the church where the reception would be held, so that they could locate Nick's dad before the ceremony. Nick had hoped that his mom and sister would come too, but Maggie had refused. Rather than argue with her, Sandra had simply agreed to go and sit with her in the main part of the church with the other guests who were now beginning to arrive. Nick had to admit that while it wasn't ideal, it was probably better that they not risk Maggie being snarky or upsetting their dad right before the big event anyway. He also suspected that despite the gracious way his mom was behaving she probably wasn't eager to be a part of the behind the scenes action.

"I'm nervous," Nick whispered to Jeff as they walked down the corridor, following the directions they had been given by a cheerful man in the reception hall who had been setting up glasses and bottles of wine.

Nick's anxiety was due to the fact that he was actually going to be a part of the ceremony. The best man was his dad's college roommate and long-time best friend, Larry, who had in fact also been the best man at Nick's parents' wedding many years ago. However, Nick, along with his Uncle Chris, and two guys his dad worked with, were going to be groomsmen.

"You're going to do great, Nicky," Jeff encouraged, slipping his hand into Nick's and leaning into his shoulder. Nick smile and made a conscious effort to relax as he turned and placed a quick peck on Jeff's lips.

They had now been dating for a little over two weeks and Nick found that surprisingly their relationship hadn't changed all that much. They still interacted more or less the same way they had as friends. The only changes were all positive in that they related directly to what Nick had wanted with his best friend all along: more affection and increased intimacy. Now that they were dating things like holding hands, chaste kisses, prolonged cuddling, and sleeping in the same bed were becoming routine occurrences, and Nick couldn't have been happier.

Since the night that they had begun their relationship, they had only had one other actual make out session. It had happened a few nights ago on Nick's bed after they finished their homework. Nick had leaned in to give Jeff what was intended to be a short kiss, but Jeff had evidently had other ideas, and he had grabbed the back of Nick's head and held him in place, dialing up the intensity. Nick had been taken off guard, but had readily begun kissing back, once again enjoying Jeff's surprisingly accomplished technique and the overwhelming rush of intimacy and closeness he felt. After about fifteen minutes Jeff had pulled away, panting and flushed.

"Nick I...I think we need to stop or...or uh g-go further," Jeff had said, awkwardly readjusting himself through his gray uniform slacks. Nick had felt Jeff's 'excitement' pressing against him while they had been kissing, and though the contact and intimacy had succeeded in causing a similar reaction for Nick, he felt a wave of anxiety at Jeff's suggestion.

"Um, yeah, I guess we better stop. I don't want us to go too far too fast," Nick had said, watching the disappointment wash over Jeff's face, and fully aware that Jeff had probably been hoping for option number two.

"You're right," Jeff had agreed, an embarrassed, apologetic expression replacing the disappointment on his face. It had made Nick feel awful.

"I'm gonna go see what Sebastian's up to," Nick said. "Why don't you, uh, take care of things and then come meet us."

"What about you and...things?" Jeff had asked, shyly stealing a glance at Nick's waist.

"Oh uh, I can just wait till I shower later or something," Nick had answered, feeling guilty for not feeling hornier.

"Okay," Jeff had answered softly.

Nick had wrapped his arms around him and given him another kiss. "I love you, Jeffy, and I'm really looking forward to when we do take things to the next level."

Nick had been certain of his words. He knew he wasn't ready yet, but he would be eventually, and being so intimate with Jeff would be awesome. The prospect of it caused a ball of nervous anticipation to form in the pit of Nick's stomach.

"I love you too, Nick. Let's just go hang out with Sebastian."

"No, you _enjoy_ yourself first. It'll make me happy knowing you did," Nick had insisted. He felt a little guilty for getting Jeff all riled up and then abruptly stopping. He didn't want Jeff to be uncomfortable or tense for the rest of the evening, and it would make him happy knowing his friend had gotten the release he needed. Nick had inwardly frowned and wondered if instead it was supposed to make him _horny_ knowing that his _boyfriend_ had been touching himself.

"I think that's it," Jeff stated, shaking Nick out of his reflections as they arrived at the end of the corridor and found the door which was supposed to lead to the groom's prep area.

"Yep," Nick agreed as he knocked on the door with his left hand. Meanwhile Jeff started to release Nick's right hand and pull away, and Nick realized he must have been nervous about meeting all these new people. He held on and gave Jeff's hand a little squeeze. "It's okay. Uncle Chris and my dad's friends are cool."

A few moments later the door was opened by Larry, his dad's best man.

"Hey Nick, come on in," Larry said as he stepped aside to make room for them. Nick noticed the man cast a curious glance at their joined hands, but he didn't say anything.

"Hey son!" Ian said enthusiastically as he moved away from the full-length mirror where he had been adjusting his tie and crossed the room to pull Nick in for a hug. When he released him he turned his attention to Jeff. "Hey other son!" Ian said, pulling Jeff in for a similarly gregarious embrace. When he was done hugging him he left his arm in place around Jeff's shoulders and turned to address the others in the room.

"Everybody, this is Nick's boyfriend Jeff," Ian said casually. "He couldn't make it to the rehearsal dinner the other night, but he's part of the family."

Nick's Uncle Chris, his dad's younger brother, reacted first and stepped forward to shake Jeff's hand and introduce himself. When he was done he moved to the side, next to Nick, so that Larry and the other two groomsmen could meet Jeff.

"Why didn't you tell me, Nick?" Uncle Chris whispered.

Nick shrugged. "Just happened," he whispered back.

"Well congrats," Chris answered, clapping Nick on the back.

Everyone visited for a little while as they put the finishing touches on their outfits, tying ties, fastening cufflinks, and folding decorative handkerchiefs. One of the groomsmen, Don, a heavyset, middle-aged man Nick's dad worked with, was having trouble with his tie. Without even thinking about it Nick reached over and started helping him with it. After all, he was more than an expert at such undertakings thanks to his daily uniform at Dalton, but he was well aware that many men were much less familiar with the finer points of the Windsor Knot.

"I can do it," Don insisted, stiffening and pulling away from Nick. It was then that Nick realized that Don, as well as Larry, had been giving him and Jeff a wide berth and regarding them tensely. Nick's heart sank as he realized he was experiencing homophobia firsthand for the first time in his life.

"I could use some help with mine, Nick," Brad, his dad's other coworker groomsman requested. Nick nodded and moved away from Don, grateful for the excuse to put some distance between them without appearing intimated. While Nick was working on Brad's tie the man leaned forward and spoke quietly to him. "Just ignore Don. He's not a bad guy, but he's a little behind the times."

Nick just nodded and made small talk with Brad for a little while after they had put the finishing touches on his accoutrements. Then Nick went and joined his dad, Uncle Chris, and Jeff who had been so involved in their own conversation that he doubted Jeff had even noticed the small incident with Don. Nick was grateful for that. The last thing he wanted was for Jeff to feel unsafe, or even uncomfortable at a family wedding. He wanted Jeff to feel like he could be himself around his family. As Nick wrapped his arm around Jeff's waist and pulled the blond tightly against his body, he couldn't resist catching Don's eye and smiling sweetly at him, daring him to make a scene.

"I better go meet Maggie and your mom," Jeff said to Nick a little while later.

"Yeah, almost showtime," Ian said, excitement and anxiety in his voice as he looked at the wall clock.

Nick brushed his lips against Jeff's. He refused to alter his behavior for Don, and perhaps Larry – Nick still wasn't sure where his dad's old friend stood on the issue – but he also didn't want to overdo it, or kiss Jeff too deeply. He didn't want to risk creating a scene on his dad's big day.

"It really means a lot to me that you're a part of this, buddy," Ian said, giving him one last hug as they started to line up.

"I'm really happy, dad," Nick assured him.

After the ceremony was over and they had precessed into the reception hall, Nick queued up with the other well-wishers to embrace Cathy. It felt strange knowing that she was his step-mom now, but she beamed at him as she wrapped her arms around him. He was glad his dad had found a woman like Cathy to share his life with. She really was a nice person and Nick was looking forward to spending more time with her.

As Nick stepped away from the bride, he realized that a hush had settled over the surrounding group. He turned and was surprised to see his mom rolling forward. The crowd parted for her, whether it was because she was wheelchair-bound, or because she was the ex-wife, Nick wasn't sure, but either way she was soon sitting right in front of a very startled Cathy.

"Hi Sandra," Cathy squeaked, her voice faltering.

"It was a lovely wedding, hon," Sandra professed, giving the bride a disarming smile. She slowly spread her arms. "Sorry to make you stoop in your gown."

Cathy audibly sighed in relief and rushed forward to hug the other woman. As they embraced, Nick overheard his mother say, "Take good care of him. He's a special man."

When the hug was over, Sandra rolled back slightly, and without bothering to turn around and look for her daughter, she spoke in a steely, authoritative voice. "Maggie, come and welcome your step-mother into the family."

Nick looked around at the crowd and sure enough, he soon spotted Maggie standing with Jeff. To his delight his sister set her mouth in a hard line, but dutifully stepped forward and took her turn hugging the bride. When Maggie was done, Jeff went next, the pair shyly smiling at each other in a way that made Nick chuckle out loud under his breath. Nick decided that in some ways Cathy and Jeff seemed like kindred spirits. He wondered how long it would take his sister to realize that and warm up to their new stepmother.

As Jeff moved away and the three teenagers followed Sandra, Nick took his hand.

"Come on, Jeffy. You only have about ten minutes to teach me how to slow dance before the first song."

**-000-**

_Late September, 2011_

Nick was sitting in his Spanish class, sulking and staring off into space as he waited for Mr. Alvarez to begin the lesson. Spanish was Nick's first class of the day, and though Mr. Alvarez was a very good teacher, and very serious about his subject, he also tended to be quite laid back and never actually began class until ten or fifteen minutes into the period. He even let the students wander in late as long as they had arrived by the time he was ready to begin teaching.

Since it was only his first hour class that received this leniency, the rumor mill speculated that Mr. Alvarez was an alcoholic, and was thus too hungover in the mornings to begin class at the appointed time. Nick though, was never one to listen to idle gossip or unnecessarily think ill of someone. He suspected that the man simply liked to read the paper and finish his morning coffee before getting starting. Whatever the case, Nick usually enjoyed using the time to socialize with his classmates. Today, however, he just wanted to be left alone with his thoughts.

"Who pissed in your pool, Duval?" Sebastian asked as he strolled into the room and plunked down in his usual seat next to Nick.

"What kinda question is that?" Nick demanded, giving Sebastian an irritated glare. "How did you even know we had a pool? I don't remember telling you that."

Sebastian smirked and rolled his eyes. "Why are you in such a bad mood, Nick?"

"Who says I'm in a bad mood? I just don't like you comin' in here first thing in the morning and insulating that I pee in inappropriate places. And what's it to you if I do pee in my pool anyway? You don't swim there, and besides the chlorideration and filters clean it, and sometimes it's just easier than drying completely off and going inside when I'm just gonna go back out and get in again. It's not like I pee in Dalton's pool."

"Look never mind," Sebastian said, frowning at Nick and gathering his things back up to leave.

Nick sighed, starting to feel guilty about his outburst. He grabbed Sebastian's arm as he stood up. "Seb, wait. I'm sorry. I actually am in a bad mood. I didn't mean to take it out on you. That was just a really weird question."

Sebastian pulled his arm away and frowned at Nick, but eventually sat back down. "So what happened to cast a cloud discontent over all the sunshine and rainbows that usually dominate your emotional horizon?"

"You're so poetic, dude. You should write like a poem or something. Anyway, I'm just upset because," Nick leaned forward and whispered, "Jeff's dad is coming over after school to pick him up for the weekend."

Sebastian looked around in an exaggerated way and then leaned over and whispered back with mock seriousness. "Why is that a secret?"

"You know," Nick insisted in a hushed voice, already starting to get annoyed again. "Because Jeff doesn't want people to find out yet."

"...That he sometimes has to go home and see his family for the weekend?" Sebastian asked, still keeping his voice low. "Christ, even I fess up to that one."

"About us being together, Sebastian!" Nick blurted out loud, once again losing his patience. Everyone stopped talking and turned to look at them curiously. The awkward silence dragged on for a few more seconds before people slowly began resuming their conversations.

"Well the good news is that this'll definitely throw people off the track. I'm pretty sure half the guys in this room are now gossiping that _we're_ a couple," Sebastian whispered before putting on his trademark smirk and leer. "Give me a kiss right now and no one will suspect a thing about you and Jeff until well after Christmas."

"I really don't know why we're friends. You're kinda a big asshole," Nick remarked, finally cracking his first smile of the morning so that Sebastian would know he wasn't serious.

"We're not friends," Sebastian insisted, as he always did despite the fact that he hung out with Nick and Jeff nearly every day. "And my asshole is quite tight thank you. You're welcome to come by my room and investigate for yourself after Jeff leaves for the weekend."

"That'll be tough considering I'm going with him," Nick remarked, smirking back and untroubled by Sebastian's fairly routine lasciviousness. "It's some birthday thing for his grandfather."

"Ah, I guess I'll have to fit you in at lunch then." Sebastian winked and then continued, "But if you're going with Jeff then why the bad mood? I thought the unicorns only quit dancing around in your head when you had to be away from your moptop codependent."

Nick sighed and frowned. "It's his dad. He's like the most dispensable person on the face of the Earth."

"That...actually made sense. Although, I suspect you meant despicable or reprehensible."

"Yeah, that's why I combined them," Nick agreed with a nod. "Anyway, he's gonna be verbally abusive to Jeff the whole time and I'm gonna have to keep my mouth shut and just listen to it. It's gonna suck big time."

"So why not just tell the douche bag to take a long walk off a short pier and be done with it?"

"I can't do that! He'd make Jeff change rooms or something. Plus he'd never let Jeff go anywhere with me or my family again. And he sure wouldn't let Jeff invite me to go anywhere with them."

"Well I get why not rooming with your fuck buddy would be inconvenient," Sebastian remarked, having the decency to keep his voice low, "But it doesn't sound like you're particularly eager to spend time with the Sterling clan anyway."

"Jeff isn't my fuck buddy," Nick snapped in an angry whisper. He was more or less okay with Sebastian's constant string of sexual come ons, both the ones directed at himself and even the ones aimed at Jeff – he had decided that for all his talk Sebastian was mostly harmless and wouldn't really try to come between them – but he always got pissed off when Sebastian made lewd remarks about him and Jeff or downplayed the seriousness of their relationship.

"I'm sorry, your _soul mate_," Sebastian corrected himself, somehow managing to make the phrase sound even dirtier and more offensive than 'fuck buddy' had.

"I just don't want Jeff to be alone with those people. Yeah, it sucks being around them, but it's almost worse when I'm not and I'm just stuck worrying about him. At least this way I can give him like quiet support and cobalt hugs and stuff."

"Cobalt hugs?" Sebastian snickered and cocked an eyebrow.

"Yeah, you know, secret ones when nobody's looking," Nick explained.

"If you're done mangling the English language, Mr. Duval, perhaps you can take a crack at Spanish." Mr. Alvarez was standing standing over them, a condescending glare on his face. Nick had been so involved in his conversation with Sebastian that he hadn't noticed the rest of the class fall silent or the fact that the man had quietly approached them.

"Perdóname, Senior Alvarez," Nick answered apologetically, using Spanish in the hopes of returning to his teacher's good graces. "Estoy muy embarazado!"

"You're not funny, Mr. Duval, and if you continue wasting class time I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Mr. Alvarez gave them both another glare before returning to the board and beginning to write down their assignment.

"Did I say something wrong?" Nick whispered to Sebastian when he was certain Mr. Alvarez wouldn't catch them. He couldn't figure out why his apology had gone over so poorly.

"Not at all, Nick. In fact you demonstrated that your mastery of Spanish is rapidly approaching your mastery of English."

"Oh good. I guess Mr. Alvarez is just in a bad mood too."

"Yes, he was probably just hitting the tequila too hard last night," Sebastian answered with a wink, leaving Nick to ponder the curiously coincidental fact that the rumors about Mr. Alvarez' excessive drinking hadn't begun until after Sebastian had transferred to Dalton.

The rest of the school day passed more quickly than Nick would have liked. He was still dreading spending the weekend with Jeff's family, and the idea of sitting in classes was actually much more appealing. Like Mr. Sterling, many of his teachers had a tendency to drone on, barely taking a pause to catch their breath, but at worst his teachers were simply boring, whereas Mark Sterling was outright offensive.

Nick was pleasantly surprised to find Jeff waiting for him outside of his final class of the day, the far-too-short US History. Once again Nick couldn't help, but consider the fact that if it came down to hearing about an objective history of the US government or Mr. Sterling's biased political ideology, the choice was clear. However, Nick might have reconsidered his position on wishing for a lengthier class period if he had known his boyfriend was waiting on just the other side of the door.

"Jeffy!" Nick declared excitedly, giving the blond a hug, but carefully resisting the urge to add a kiss since they were in public.

"Hey Nick, where's Seb?" Jeff asked, returning the embrace, but looking past Nick.

"You were waiting for _Seb_?" Nick asked, ending the hug and dramatically folding his arms and pouting.

"I was waiting for both of you, and mostly you of course!" Jeff rushed to explain, patting Nick's shoulder consolingly as they stepped out of the stream of foot traffic. "I got a text from my dad. He's ahead of schedule and will be here soon, so uh...we can't go to Warbler practice today. I wanted to let Sebastian know, and intercept you before you went to the common room."

"Crud, I'm not even packed," Nick whined, disappointed that they would have to miss practice. Nick was also worried that Mr. Sterling would be pissed if he had to wait for him to get ready. He was beginning to wish he had packed the night before like Jeff.

"Yeah, you are," Jeff answered with a light chuckle. "We weren't doing anything in art. When I explained that we were leaving for the weekend, Mrs. Taylor excused me so I could get everything ready."

"Sweet!" Nick declared, relieved that they weren't running late after all. He was also secretly happy that he didn't have to do his own packing. Jeff tended to be much more thorough about such things. If Nick had done it himself he would have probably inadvertently ended up with six shirts and no pants, or maybe five individual, mismatched socks.

"So where is he?" Jeff asked.

"Who?" Nick inquired, giggling and still trying to visualize his strange, hypothetical outfit and how Mark Sterling would have reacted to it.

"Sebastian." Jeff rolled his eyes.

"Right here," Sebastian said as he finally exited the classroom and joined the conversation, a toned, muscular lacrosse player named Isaac Jackson accompanying him. "Jackson is failing Mr. Grant's class."

"Dude, that sucks," Nick said sympathetically.

"See, I told you he'd actually give a shit," Sebastian remarked to his teammate, before returning his attention to Nick and Jeff. "Grant had it in his head that since we're on the lacrosse team together, I'd have a vested interest in keeping Jackson from failing so he wouldn't get academic probation. He wanted me to tutor him."

"But Smythe doesn't give a fuck about anyone but himself," Isaac remarked, frowning at Sebastian.

"Of course he does," Nick defended his friend, glaring at the larger boy.

"No, I really don't," Sebastian countered, his cocky smirk in place. "That's why I said you'd be happy to tutor him instead, Nick."

Nick thought it over for a few seconds and then nodded. "Yeah, sure man," he said to Isaac.

Apart from Sebastian, Nick didn't know many of the lacrosse players very well, and he figured this might be a good opportunity to make new friends while also helping someone out.

"Thanks Duval! Let's start Monday," Isaac said as he clapped Nick on the shoulder and then turned to Sebastian. "Your boyfriend's alright, Smythe!"

Nick was so nonplussed by the remark, that he didn't get a chance to say anything else before Isaac had left.

"Okay, what's going on here?" Jeff asked Nick. "A couple of guys in my third hour also asked me if you and Sebastian were dating." Jeff gave Sebastian a suspicious look. "Did you tell people that?"

Sebastian laughed and shook his head. "Nope, Nick made that particular announcement this morning in Spanish class."

"What?" Jeff asked, giving Nick a confused look.

"I'll explain later," he told his boyfriend before playfully shoving Sebastian. "You didn't exactly correct anyone."

"Why would I? If enough people assume we're a couple, you'll have to have sex with me."

"I'm pretty sure that's not the way it works," Nick answered.

Sebastian ignored him and wrapped an arm around Jeff, taking the gesture beyond merely friendly by also rubbing his chest. "How about it, Jeff? You can be my other _boyfriend_ and we can all have a threesome."

"Um...We can't go to practice today," Jeff said, apparently deciding that in lieu of a response to Sebastian's proposition he'd might as well get to his other piece of business.

"I'm always happy to skip practice for sex!" Sebastian declared, draping his other arm around Nick and hustling them both down the hallway. "Come on, we'll go to my room. I've got plenty of condoms, lube, and toys."

"Sebastian, me and Jeff are about to go out of town," Nick objected.

"Fine, a quickie it is then."

"Sebastian!" Jeff chided, setting his feet and pulling away. Nick always got a kick out of it when Jeff stood up to Sebastian. Nick, Maggie, and Sebastian were about the only people Jeff wasn't particularly shy around, but Nick and Maggie didn't tend to set him off the way Sebastian did. That's why it always seemed unusual, and somewhat funny, when Jeff's voice took on that irritated, but not-quite-angry quality.

"Oh you guys are no fun," Sebastian complained, releasing them. "Fine, skip practice and go meet Jeff's windbag of a father. Have a safe trip."

"Aww thanks, Seb," Nick said, giving him a quick one-armed hug.

"Lay off, Duval. I'm not being sentimental; I just want you both back safely so we can have that threesome later."

"I'm touched," Jeff said sarcastically.

"Oh you will be," Sebastian promised, raising his eyebrows and licking his lips, before chuckling and walking away in the opposite direction toward the Warbler common room.

"So if Seb's got all these condoms...you want to tell me why someone also asked me if you were carrying his baby?" Jeff asked in a deadpan voice. He broke into a hardy round of laughter when Nick's mouth dropped open in surprise.

ten minutes later and the boys were back in their dorm room, changed and awaiting the arrival of Jeff's family. Nick and Jeff each had a very different way of passing the time while they waited. Jeff used the time to double and triple checking that they had packed everything they could possibly needed while verbally reviewing a list of things that they mustn't do in front of the rest of the Sterlings. Meanwhile Nick spent his time trying to keep Jeff calm, while grimly resigned to the fact that their weekend was going to suck. He also diplomatically managed to avoid pointing out that Jeff's list of prohibited behavior basically boiled down to, 'we must act as though we don't care about each other in slightest, and are in fact one angry word away from punching each other's lights out.'

"Jeff, it's gonna be okay. I've spent time around your family before," Nick said, crossing the room and standing next to Jeff so that he could take what was probably the last opportunity to rub Jeff's back and kiss the side of his head.

"Yeah, but not since we've been a couple," Jeff fretted, giving Nick a desperate, scared look. "What if they figure it out?"

"They won't," Nick answered, turning Jeff around in his arms so that he could look him in the eye. "This is going to be okay."

"You've never met my grandpa," Jeff insisted, looking away from Nick. "He's just as prejudiced as my dad, but way more perceptive. He's the one who..."

"Who what?" Nick prompted, pulling his boyfriend down onto his bed and nuzzling Jeff's soft, blond hair with his nose and forehead.

"Who first started planting these ideas in my dad's head that I wasn't tough enough. I was like four the first time I heard him saying this stuff to my dad. I don't even know what brought it on. It's not like I was playing with dolls are dressing up like a girl or something. I guess I was supposed to be flinging my toys around or looking for small animals to torture."

"That's stupid," Nick said.

"Yeah it is. But the first time I ever heard a gay slur it was him telling my dad he better not let me turn out to be a sissy-fag. I didn't understand of course, so I asked him what he meant, what a sissy-fag was. He said it was a man who was too wimpy to be a real man, and wanted other men to treat him like a woman instead. He said if I ever turned into a sissy-fag, he'd do me a favor and beat all the queer out of me. Then he laughed and slapped my arm a little too hard. I swear it was like a threat or something."

"Oh my god, Jeff, that's horrible!" Nick squeezed him more tightly and pressed his lips against Jeff's ear.

"Yeah, and I know he'd do it too. My dad doesn't hit me or John, but grandpa does if he gets pissed off at us. And I'm just so scared that as soon as he sees us, he's just going to know somehow. I mean how did he peg me as gay at four? It had never even consciously crossed my mind. And that's not it either; he always seems to know if someone's done something they don't want him to know... Oh god, I should have gotten a haircut."

"A haircut?"

"Yeah, he _hates_ my hair. Apparently the only acceptable hairstyle for anyone with a penis is a buzz cut."

"I think your hair's beautiful, Jeffy!"

"Oh god! Don't say _that_! If he criticizes my hair you need to agree right away and start making fun of it too."

"Oh come on, do you really think I'm going to do that?"

"Nick you _have_ to! He can't figure us out. He can't. He-" Jeff started huffing like he was about to hyperventilate. Nick hugged him tightly and pressed a kiss to his gasping lips. It seemed counter-intuitive, but he was hoping it would somehow calm him down. It seemed to work as Jeff slowly began to kiss Nick back and breathe through his nose.

"You know what I'm really scared of?" Jeff whispered against Nick's lips, once the kiss had stopped but they hadn't pulled away.

"What?" Nick whispered back, stroking the tops of Jeff's shoulders with his thumbs.

Jeff pulled his head back and made eye contact with Nick. "I'm scared he's going to hit _you_, Nick. Or say all these really mean things to you. I'm terrified it's going to be just like it was with my dad and brother that time we went to the beach, only much, much worse."

"Well geez, why are we going to see this awful guy then?" Nick demanded, scowling.

"We have to. It's his seventieth birthday...Well, actually I guess _I _have to, but you don't, Nick. You can still back out. My parents had just said to bring you."

"Wait, so you mean it was actually more your parents' idea that I come than yours?" Nick asked tilting his head to the side as he processed this new information.

"Yeah...I mean I want to be with you of course, and in a lot of ways I'll feel a lot better just being near you...but I don't want you to be miserable, and I really don't want them to say awful things to you, or..."

"Hit me?" Nick asked, still trying to understand the almost inconceivable notion of someone else's parents or grandparents striking him. Not that it would have been easier imagining his own parents or grandparents doing it, but it seemed even weirder somehow to think about unrelated adults doing it. It had never occurred to Nick to be physically frightened of the Sterlings before.

"Yeah," Jeff said in a broken voice, dropping his head in obvious shame.

Nick could tell that Jeff was on the verge of tears, and it was painful to witness. Nick himself tended to be rather open about his emotions and usually expressed them freely. Jeff on the other hand was much more reserved, especially when it came to anger and sadness. The only time Nick had ever seen Jeff cry was the night the previous month when he had came back drunk from his date with Sebastian. That bout of crying had been hard enough to see, but in many ways the alcohol-induced tears hadn't seemed quite as strange given Jeff's already incongruous behavior and appearance. Now, with Jeff perfectly sober and obviously terrified, it was even more difficult for Nick to handle when the first shiny drops of liquid pooled around Jeff's eyes.

Suddenly there was a pounding on the door that caused both boys to flinch in surprise and pull away from each other.

"Jeff! Nick! Hurry the hell up! Mom and dad are downstairs in the car."

Nick recognized the unpleasant voice of Jeff's younger brother, John. Nick may have been biased, but John certainly didn't have any of the euphonic resonance that was so characteristic of Jeff's voice. In fact, in the intervening months since Nick had last heard him speak, John seemed to have developed a harsh rasp. Perhaps the effect was due to puberty, although Nick wouldn't have put it past the boy to intentionally try to sound more masculine and intimidating.

"Oh damn, of course he would show up now," Jeff remarked as he frantically wiped at his eyes and sniffled.

"Go get cleaned up in the bathroom. I'll let him. And take your time," Nick whispered as the insistent shouts and banging on the door continued. As they stood up Nick placed a soft kiss on Jeff's lips and squeezed his hand. "I love you, Jeff. Everything's going to be okay. I promise."

"Christ what are you doing in there, sucking each other's dicks?!" John yelled through the door, a slight tinge of amusement at his own crude remark tempering some of the hostility in his tone.

Nick was certain that John was trying to embarrass them with the other guys who lived on their floor, and he said a silent 'thank you' that Sebastian was at Warbler practice. As satisfying as it would have been to watch Sebastian spar with John, Nick hated to even think about what the fallout would have been. Once Jeff was safely locked inside their bathroom he went to open the door.

**-000-**

**End Note: I'm tentatively planning to get the next chapter out a bit sooner than usual (usual being roughly every two weeks). I have it fairly well mapped out in my head already. If you get a chance please let me know what you thought of the this chapter.**

**On another note, I'm toying with the idea of developing John a bit further and adding a small story arc I hadn't originally intended near the _end_ of the story. It would be a good ways away, but I'll probably decide based on how the next couple of chapters go and what people's overall reaction is to John. The next couple of chapters will feature the Sterling family a good bit more in general.**


	10. Chapter 10: Kill 'em with Kindness

**Can't Fight These Feelings**

**A/N: Eek! This really wasn't supposed to take so long to post. I usually get some writing done during the week while I'm at work, but unfortunately I've been working on a rather involved project that kept me fully occupied. Worse, the extra typing made my Carpel Tunnel flair up again. Anyway, enough excuses here's the next chapter.**

**Chapter 10 – Kill 'em with Kindness**

_~Late September, 2011~_

As they stood up Nick placed a soft kiss on Jeff's lips and squeezed his hand. "I love you, Jeff. Everything's going to be okay. I promise."

"Christ what are you doing in there, sucking each other's dicks?!" John yelled through the door, a slight tinge of amusement at his own crude remark tempering some of the hostility in his tone.

Nick was certain that John was trying to embarrass them with the other guys who lived on their floor, and he said a silent 'thank you' that Sebastian was at Warbler practice. As satisfying as it would have been to watch Sebastian spar with John, Nick hated to even think about what the fallout would have been. Once Jeff was safely locked inside their bathroom he went to open the door.

"Hey John, what's up?" Nick greeted him with forced pleasantness. If he was going to be stuck in a car with the kid for two hours, Nick figured he'd might as well try to make the most of it and get started on the best foot possible.

John ignored the greeting and regarded Nick with an irritated scowl. "Where the hell is Jeff? Dad's gonna throw a fit if he takes much longer."

"Bathroom. I'm sure he'll be out soon."

John sighed and pushed past Nick, making a bee line for the bathroom door. He immediately started giving it the same abuse he had unleashed on their room door. "Jeff, get out here now! You can finish taking a shit the next time we stop for gas. Dad's in a hurry."

"So how's football?" Nick asked conversationally, forcing himself to stay patient with the younger boy and hoping to distract him and take some of the heat off Jeff by engaging him in a discussion of his favorite topic.

"Good. I'm starting of course," John responded with a smug grin. Nick could have sworn the boy also puffed his chest out as he said it.

"Of course," Nick said.

"I got the most sacks on the team so far this season." John abandoned his attack on their bathroom door and crossed the room, tossing himself down on his brother's neatly-made bed and intentionally ruffling the covers and yanking a corner of the sheet loose. "Jeff is such an anal, little bitch. I dunno how you can put up with him." John said, fake commiseration lacing his voice as he smirked at Nick, obviously trying to goad him.

"Jeff's a great roommate," Nick said with just a bit of an edge to his voice as he took a seat across from John at Jeff's desk. "It's probably much harder for him to put up with my slobbiness."

"Jeff is a total–"

"Wait," Nick cut in, his jaw clenching slightly in anger before he forced a smile and continued with forced excitement. "Did you just say you had the most sacks on your team?! Dude, that's amazing!"

"Yeah, coach said I was on track to break a new school record!" John answered, a genuine smile lighting up his face.

Nick felt himself relaxing as he took in John's cheerful expression. There was something fondly familiar about the way the corner of the boy's mouth crinkled up, and the flicker of excitement that sparked in his dark eyes. It was the first time that Nick had ever noticed even the slightest hint of a family resemblance between the two otherwise completely disparate Sterling brothers and it made him feel like giving John another chance.

"Oh nice, way to go, John!" Nick said, consciously trying to react the same way he would have if John had been a friend sharing a piece of happy news. He tried to imagine Sebastian gleefully telling him about a hot piece of ass he had hooked up with, or perhaps Maggie beaming as she recounted a story about a new word she had just added to her portfolio. Heck John's excitement wasn't at all unlike the way Jeff would have looked if he had just killed a squash-faced, pistol fucking bastard, or 'level boss' as the rest of the world called them.

"I bet you'll totally own it, dude! I thought you played offense though?" Nick inquired, proud of himself for remembering that detail. _I thought you didn't go out with public school guys, Seb? But sis, didn't you say Latin cognates usually make people sound stuffy? Wow Jeffy, and I thought you wouldn't even get the gun you needed until level 24? _It was all about giving the other person an opening to further discuss their topic of interest.

"Naw, coach switched me mid-season last year 'cause I bulked up so much. Our old defensive line was a joke too, but I'm whipping 'em into shape." A devious glint flashed in John's eyes and he leaned forward, smirking as he continued. "My girlfriend says if we go undefeated all season she'll let me feel her tits and make out topless."

"Ohh...uh, sounds like a big incentive," Nick answered, surprised and thoroughly unsettled since he still considered John just a kid. Then he reminded himself that Jeff's little brother would actually be starting high school in another year.

"Yeah, big, perky incentives," John remarked, squeezing the empty air in front of him with one hand. "Believe me, I'm playin' hard."

Nick frowned, as a pang of envy struck him. It didn't seem fair that John, three years his junior and an undeniable prick, might get to round second base with a girl before Nick even got to so much as kiss one. Nick immediately tried to suppress his resentment. He was with Jeff – kind, amazing, thoughtful, love-of-his-life Jeff. Breasts just weren't a part of the equation. A small wave of anxiety and disappointment seized Nick a moment later as he realized that breasts might _never_ be a part of the equation.

When Nick finally returned his attention to John, he was amused to discover that not only had the boy failed to notice that Nick had zoned out on him, but he was also inexplicably in the middle of a story about a recent football game. The young athlete certainly took after his father in that he didn't need even the slightest bit of engagement or encouragement from his conversational partners to continue talking. Their 'conversation' was interrupted a moment later when they heard the sound of water running and Jeff emerged from the bathroom.

"God, about time," John snapped, contempt written across his face. "What happened? Violent ass explosion from being so uptight all the time?"

Nick took in the still-upset appearance of his boyfriend and quickly stood up, placing an arm around Jeff's shoulders before he could stop himself. "You okay?"

Jeff immediately stiffened and an emotionless mask formed over his face as he looked at Nick and then glanced pointedly at his little brother. Nick mentally kicked himself for the expressive slip up and removed his arm from Jeff's body before turning back to John and offering a lame excuse.

"That violent ass explosion thing sounded really dangerous! I was thinking maybe he needed stitches or something, but you were just joking around huh?"

John regarded Nick with an incredulous, disdainful look and Nick optimistically decided to take it to mean that his actions toward Jeff were being construed as naïve stupidity rather than guy-on-guy romantic concern.

"Let's go," Jeff said softly after taking a moment to eye his disarrayed bed. Nick heard him sigh in irritation as he started picking up his bags, but he didn't say anything or attempt to straighten up the mess.

Jeff's stoicism did waver slightly, however, when Nick pulled one of the suitcases out of Jeff's hand and insisted on carrying it for him. He gave Nick a startled, worried look and chewed his lower lip anxiously. Nick didn't understand what the big deal was; as he saw it the gesture only made sense. Jeff had packed three bags, whereas Nick only had a single one. Of course Nick wasn't going to let Jeff fumble with the extra load. There wasn't any reason for John to read anything into it. It should have just been passed off as a decent thing to do for one's roommate.

"Ain't that sweet?" John taunted as the three gathered by the door. "You gonna open the door for him too, Nick?"

"Yep!" Nick declared cheerfully as he shouldered one of the bags and opened said door, then stood back for both Sterling boys. "And for you too, John."

"Eugh, your roommate's almost as gay as you, Jeff," John remarked as he rolled his eyes and pushed past his brother, exiting first.

Nick frowned to himself and remembered his earlier decision to try to give John another chance to prove that he was a decent human being. In Nick's experience if he remained patient with people and gave them enough opportunities, they usually did the right thing. Maybe John just needed a little prodding.

"Do you have any gay friends, John?" Nick asked casually as they stepped into the hallway and Jeff started locking the door. He almost dropped his keys when he heard Nick's question.

John seemed instantly angered by the question. One of his hands clenched into a fist by his side and a stormy expression settled on his round face. "Of course not! I'd never let some disgusting fag or crazy dyke get anywhere near me!"

Nick took a small breath and forced himself to stay calm.

"Really? That's weird because I've never known any disgusting or crazy _people _like that." Nick couldn't bring himself to use the slurs, even to make a point. "But I've known some really cool gay and lesbian people."

"Oh FUCK NO!" John shouted, an alarmed face replacing his angry one. He began backing away from Nick. "You talk to queers?!"

"Nick, what are you doing?" Jeff demanded in an agitated whisper at Nick's side.

Nick patted Jeff's shoulder and moved away, keeping his eyes focused on John. Part of him wanted to just shut up and drop the issue, but a bigger, more persistent part of him just couldn't do it. John was brash and arrogant and downright mean a lot of the time, but he was still just a kid after all, barely even a teenager. Nick wanted to believe that John was just parroting the hate his father had taught him. Maybe if someone else reached out to him and told him otherwise he would open his mind to new possibilities and start to get a little bit more accepting.

"Yeah, I talk to gay people all the time, John. You know one of my best friends stays right there in that room." Nick pointed toward Sebastian's room. "And he's gay."

John whirled around and glanced at the indicated room suspiciously, then scrambled wide-eyed in the other direction, as though just being near Sebastian's door might suddenly give him a hankering for a mouth full of cock.

"Do you talk to this guy too, Jeff?" John demanded, his eyes narrow and his face unreadable.

Nick turned and looked at Jeff apologetically. He hadn't meant to involve Jeff at all. His boyfriend's dark eyes were wide and conflicted, and his mouth had drawn into a tight line, his posture uncertain. Nick knew that Jeff was torn between backing him up and trying to protect his secret from his brother.

"I-I uh...He's, he's–"

"I don't think Jeff even knows Sebastian very well," Nick fibbed, trying to take the pressure off of him. "They don't have any classes together."

"Good, because Jeff's girly enough already without some fag queering him up even more!" John said. He gave Nick a look of unrestrained contempt. "It's obviously too late for you. This _Sebastian,_" John said his name in a high pitched lilt, "Is going to make you a fellow fudge-packer."

Nick found his own hands clenching into fists as he scowled at the obnoxious boy, blood boiling. Nick wasn't sure if he felt like hitting John more because of what he had just said about Jeff, about Sebastian, or about Nick himself. Regardless Nick felt his attitude completely hardening toward the young bigot. So much for trying to help him see things from a new perspective; it was all Nick could do to resist punching him in the face.

Nick huffed down the hallway ahead of the other two and jabbed the elevator button hard. He half-hoped it would arrive before Jeff and John caught up so that he could have a little while alone to collect himself. Instead the metal doors slid open just as the other two reached him. John was still standing well back and seemed as reluctant to share the elevator with Nick as he himself felt. Jeff kept trying to catch his eye and was shooting him apologetic looks.

Nick felt guilty about the scene he had just caused and the way it might affect his boyfriend. He mentally berated himself for not just keeping his mouth shut. Now he was bordering on furious and would somehow have to make pleasantries with Jeff's parents in a couple of minutes. Meanwhile Jeff was obviously embarrassed and uncomfortable, and John was almost certainly going to make it his mission to stir this big pot of churning awfulness once they joined his parents.

As soon as they were within sight of Mark Sterling's SUV the passenger side door opened and Susan Sterling stepped out.

"Hello son," the pretty, dark-haired woman said as she put a hand on Jeff's shoulder and leaned up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. Jeff mumbled back a greeting and awkwardly gave his mother a hug. When the brief embrace ended the woman turned her attention to Nick as Jeff began loading their things into the back of the vehicle.

"Hello Nick," she said, her voice quiet and tone strained. "I'm glad you could come. I was pleased when Jeff said you had accepted the invitation."

"Thanks, Mrs. Sterling," Nick answered politely, making an effort to push aside the still-seething rage he felt toward the youngest Sterling so that he could be pleasant toward Jeff's mother. Nick felt conflicted about how best to greet her. A handshake would have felt silly, but a hug far too familiar. He opted for an extra big smile and a little wave.

A few seconds later an insistent horn-honk pierced the air and Nick knew that Mr. Sterling's ever-thin patience had cracked completely. Sure enough Susan Sterling was scurrying back into the car, and Jeff quickly grabbed the remaining luggage and shoved it into the back. John had already gotten into the SUV.

Nick steeled himself and opened the side door. He felt a sense of foreboding as he settled into the same seat he had occupied two summers earlier when he had joined the family on vacation. Jeff was getting in on the other side, also occupying his previous seat. Nick wondered if John would be kicking the backs of their seats and flicking his brother's ear again the entire time they traveled.

"Hi Mr. Sterling," Nick said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster for the man who might just have been his least favorite person.

"So, John was just telling me you like faggots," Mr. Sterling remarked, frowning at Nick in the rear view mirror. "You're a messed up kid, Nick, but I'd hate to see you get sucked into a lifestyle of perversion and depravity."

"I'll try to watch out," Nick answered sarcastically with an eye roll. He knew his behavior could easily have been enough to set the man off, but it was about the most diplomatic response he could bring himself to make.

Mark Sterling started the SUV and pulled out of the parking lot. "Jeff, you're not to go anywhere near this queer that lives on your hall. I have half a mind to call Dalton on Monday and make them assign you to a new building. The very idea that they would let a queer live in the same building as normal people."

Panic gripped Nick's stomach as Jeff's father talked about pulling him out of their room and making him relocate. He looked at Jeff for his reaction. The blond seemed to be much less visibly distressed than Nick, but Nick knew that he was also quite a bit better at concealing his emotions.

"Thanks, dad, but I don't think that will be necessary," Jeff said almost sounding calm. Nick could detect the underlying stress in his boyfriend's voice, but he was pretty sure that Jeff's family wasn't able to notice it. After all they didn't know Jeff very well. "I barely know Sebastian, and I hardly ever see him."

"He's probably out fucking half the school," Mr. Sterling remarked acerbically. If Nick hadn't been so upset and angry, he would have had to admit that there might just have been a grain of truth in that assessment. Sebastian did rather seem to actively enjoy attending an all-boys school. That didn't give Mark Sterling the right to judge him for it though.

"I'm glad you won't be going to that school, John," Mr. Sterling continued.

"I'm glad too!" John declared from the rear seat. "They're just a bunch of freaks and weirdos. And fags of course."

Mark Sterling laughed the usual robust belly-laugh he always seemed to reserve for John when the boy said something offensive.

"Sometimes I wonder if there's even any point in trying to keep Jeff from throwing his life away. Why we pay for that outrageous tuition is beyond me."

"It's a good school, and Jeff's happy there," Susan Sterling remarked, surprising Nick and clearly everyone else in vehicle as well. Was Jeff's mother actually standing up for him for once?

"So where you going for high school, John?" Nick inquired, eager to change the subject away from talks of Jeff changing rooms, or worse not attending Dalton at all.

"Hyde Park High," John answered, leaning forward and reaching up to change the SUV's rear climate control settings. He banged his elbow against Jeff's head in the process. Then he bumped him again as his arm shot across to adjust a vent. "They don't have any fags there."

Nick raised his hand, intent on shoving John's arm out of Jeff's face, but before he could, Jeff gently grabbed his wrist and shook his head. The contact didn't last long, but it had Nick looking around the vehicle to see if anyone else had noticed. He felt like he was starting to get as paranoid as Jeff was, and couldn't help but think that perhaps given the situation that wasn't such a bad thing.

Fortunately John hadn't been paying attention and was still fussing with the temperature and vents, obviously looking for any chance to smack Jeff's head again. Jeff's father had his eyes on the road, as he looked for an opportunity to change lanes. Nick did notice Jeff's mother glancing at them curiously in the mirror on her sun visor however. He couldn't interpret the look on her face, but found himself wishing she would just tell John to knock it off instead of simply staring at them.

"Grandpa's gonna flip when he sees Jeff and Nick's hair," John remarked with dark glee a few minutes later. "They practically look like girls...well I guess they would anyway."

Nick rolled his eyes, but then remembered Jeff's previous concern about long hair eliciting his grandfather's disapproval. Nick glanced back at John, finally registering the fact that the boy's head featured a close crop rather than the medium-length dark locks he had been sporting the last time Nick had seen him.

"Yes, it was very disrespectful of you not to get a haircut for the occasion, Jeff," Mark remarked, frowning at his son in the rear view mirror and briefly passing a hand over what remained of his own neatly-trimmed blond hair. Nick was pretty sure that Mr. Sterling had lost roughly twenty-five percent of his hair for each year that Nick had known him. Fortunately he was compensating for the loss in follicles by rapidly increasing his waistline. "Once when I was in high school and your grandpa thought my hair was getting too long he..."

Nick tuned the man out, uninterested in hearing about the undoubtedly dysfunctional relationship Mark Sterling shared with Jeff's grandfather. Instead he occupied his time by playing a game of _Words With Friends_ on his phone with Jeff and another with Maggie. He knew they were also playing against each other, and he wondered if Maggie was kicking Jeff's ass as badly as she was kicking his own. He assumed she probably was, but he wasn't completely sure because he suspected Jeff usually went easy on him.

Nick was confused forty-five minutes later when he received a text message from Jeff.

Jeff: I really want them to just shut up. She's the only good person in my whole stupid family. God, I wish I could say something.

Nick glanced over and gave Jeff a sympathetic smile. Then returned his attention to the conversation that John and Mark were having. It had been easy for him to block them out and get lost in his phone because all they ever did was drone on and on to each other and it was like an annoying, but ignorable background noise.

"...Nutty bleeding-heart liberal. I'm so ashamed of her," Mark was saying.

"She was such a bitch when we went to see her last summer. Eugh! It was like the worst summer of my life," John said.

"I can't believe she's my daughter. Don't worry, son, I won't let her anywhere near you or your brother again."

John snorted derisively. "Oh Robyn and Jeff were thick as a couple of granola munching thieves."

"Jeff, you're not to have anymore contact with her," Mark ordered sternly, fixing Jeff with a hard look in the mirror. "Block her number. You're already prissy enough without her filling your head with anymore nonsense."

"Okay dad," Jeff answered quietly in the emotionless voice he always used when speaking to his father, the voice that made Nick's chest hurt and made him want to wrap the blond up in his arms and never let go.

"Do it. Delete her number. Now," Mark insisted, still glaring at Jeff in the mirror. Nick found himself almost hoping for a mild car accident just to spare Jeff from the continued heat of Mark Sterling's gaze. Then Nick's mind flashed to his mom and sister's accident a couple of years earlier and his blood ran cold.

"I'll do it!" John offered gleefully, already hanging over the seat and trying to pull Jeff's phone out of his hand. "He'd just pretend or somethin', dad."

"Okay, you do it, John," Mark agreed.

Jeff's face was once again expressionless, but Nick saw the panic and horror in his boyfriend's eyes. He was also gripping his phone so tightly that his knuckles were white and John couldn't pry the device away.

"NO!" Nick snapped, as he lunged across the seat and began shoving John away.

"What?!" Mark Sterling's voice boomed, momentarily distracting Nick from his tussle with John. To his relief Jeff had pulled his phone away from his brother completely and stuffed it into his pocket.

Nick let go of John's wrists, reasonably certain that any conversation he was about to have with Mark Sterling would go quite a bit better if he wasn't manhandling his favorite son.

"Jeff deserves to be able to talk to his sister whenever he wants," Nick answered, looking Jeff's father in the eye in the mirror and refusing to back down._ Seriously does this guy ever bother looking at the road when he drives?_

"That is none of your business, young man," Mark answered, his voice just short of a growl.

"I wouldn't let anyone tell me I couldn't talk to my sister," Nick said, folding his arms defiantly.

"That's because you're an out of control shit and your parents don't know how to control you," Mark fumed, slamming his hand against the steering wheel. "If we weren't almost there I'd turn around and take your bratty ass back. But know this, Jeff _will_ be changing rooms on Monday."

Nick's hands were clenched so tightly into fists that he felt his fingernails starting to pierce the skin of his palms. His heart was racing and he was breathing hard. Just when he felt like he was about to snap and tell the man off properly, Jeff's left hand came to rest on Nick's shoulder as he yanked his phone out of his pocket with his other hand.

"Nick didn't mm-mean any-anything. He's...he's just upset," Jeff said in a frantic, wobbly voice. This time the panic and fear present in him was apparent to everyone in the car. In fact Nick could tell that Jeff was on the verge of tears, and that realization abruptly made most of his own rage transform into despair. This whole situation was terrible and he couldn't believe it was happening. Nick was desperate for a way to fix it and opened his mouth to apologize. Before he got the chance Jeff beat him to it.

"I'm s-sorry I d-didn't li-listen," Jeff stammered, holding his phone out meekly to his brother. "P-please don't make me cha-change rooms, dad."

"Goddamnit Jeff!" Mark thundered. "Nick's a bad influence on you. Just like that sister of yours. Look at you. You're about to fucking cry for christsake. You need to man the hell up."

"Oh crap!" John interrupted, his voice a mixture of shock and dark joy. "Look what's right here below 'Robyn' in Jeff's phone. 'Sebastian!'" John once again mock-lilted the name. "He's that fag friend of Nick...and I guess Jeff's too."

"WHAT?!" At this revelation Mark slammed on the brakes and pulled the SUV over. "You're friends with a faggot?!"

Nick's mouth dropped open and he felt all the color draining away from his face. He knew that if John opened Jeff's texts with Sebastian, everything would be exposed. Hell, it was looking more and more likely that Jeff's whole phone would end up getting searched, and then his own 'incriminating' texts to Jeff would also be found. Nick realized that they were only moments away from being outed completely.

"That is it! I've had enough of this!" Jeff screamed, startling everyone in the car.

There was a slight glistening around his eyes, but the much more salient thing was that his whole face had morphed into a mask of rage that easily rivaled that of his father's. Nick had never seen anything like this unbridled fury from Jeff before, not even the time they had argued before Jeff's date with Sebastian.

"FUCK YOU, JOHN!" Jeff snarled as he ripped his phone away from his brother.

For a second there, Nick thought he might take the boy's whole hand away with it.

"Come on, Nick!" Jeff yelled, frightening Nick slightly as he pushed open his door, jumped out, and slammed it hard behind him.

Nick was in as much shock as Jeff's family for a few moments, then he realized that he better get himself together and catch up with his boyfriend. He quickly opened his own door, and after only a cursory check to make sure that he wasn't about to step out into the path of an oncoming truck, he scrambled out and started running after Jeff, not even bothering to close his door.

Jeff was a fast runner and had already managed to sprint a good distance back down the highway, a distance which only kept increasing as Nick chased after him. Fortunately after a few minutes, Jeff stopped moving and as Nick got closer he realized that Jeff was studying something off to the side of the road. Just as Nick was catching up to him, Jeff abruptly raised his arm and hurled his phone in the direction he had been looking.

"Why did you do that?" Nick asked, as he came to rest beside Jeff and turned to try to determine what the target of his boyfriend's phone-slinging had been. It was a small, very murky-looking creek running along the current section of the highway. Nick still didn't understand, but he wrapped his arms around Jeff, desperate to comfort him. He was also pretty sure that in the fading daylight they were far enough away from the SUV that their minute movements and actions weren't distinguishable, if it even still mattered.

"I didn't want them to find out," Jeff said, his voice and face once again cold and emotionless. He was rigid in Nick's embrace as well.

"Oh," Nick answered, still trying to process everything as he slowly rubbed Jeff's back. After a moment he dropped his arm and shrugged, then reached into his pocket and pulled out his own phone.

"You should..." Jeff trailed off as Nick lifted his arm and tossed his phone into the creek.

"There," Nick declared, nodding and grinning at his boyfriend. "Now they can't look at mine either."

Jeff turned to face him, his expression still hard and unreadable. Then very gradually a small smile started to tug at the corner of his mouth and he began to giggle. Then he began to crack up even more until he was laughing hysterically. Nick wasn't sure what was going on, but he grabbed Jeff's arm and pulled him farther away from the highway, just in case.

"Nick," Jeff said, shaking his head, and then giggling some more. "I was about to say you should call someone to come and get us."

"Oh crap! That woulda been a good idea," Nick answered in horror, looking longingly at the muddy water as the last of the ripples faded. "Uh...I don't think it's gonna work now."

"Probably not," Jeff agreed, smirking at him.

"What now?" Nick asked.

They didn't have long to weigh their options as they heard the sound of someone approaching, and John came running up to them.

"Dad says to come back to the car or he's pulling you out of Dalton," John announced.

"Tell dad–" Jeff started, the attitude back in his voice. He didn't get a chance to continue, however, before John abruptly punched him in the stomach. Jeff faltered in surprise and stumbled back, hunching over and gripping his assaulted abdomen.

"That's for making me run all the way out here."

Nick gaped in surprise for a moment and then threw himself at John. He grabbed his shoulders and tried to push him, hoping to knock him off his feet, but the lineman didn't budge. Nick had never actually hit anyone with his fist before, but he was so furious and so determined to avenge Jeff that he decided to make an exception. His hand balled into configuration, he reared back, and–

John punched him in the gut, dropping him to his knees.

"Back to the car. Now. Or I _will _convince dad to drive off and leave your asses." John gave them both another glare then turned around and stormed back in the direction of the SUV.

"Are you okay, Nicky?" Jeff asked, his voice filled with concern as he wrapped an arm around Nick and helped him to his feet.

"Yeah, I guess," Nick answered, slightly dazed as he rubbed his stomach. That had also been the first time anyone had ever hit him before. His curiosity getting the better of him, he lifted his shirt to examine the injury. He wasn't sure what he expected to find, but apart from a slight redness, his stomach looked normal. He wondered if there would be a bruise later.

"I'd kiss it and make it better if we weren't in public," Jeff whispered, carefully grazing his hand over Nick's exposed skin. His thumb lightly brushed over the trail of dark hair that descended from Nick's navel into his pants.

Nick felt his cheeks heat in a blush at the unexpected attention and he self-consciously lowered his shirt, the fabric briefly dropping over Jeff's hand, until the other boy affectionately rubbed his stomach one more time and then pulled his hand away.

"I'm sorry I don't have better abs," Nick found himself muttering as he thought about the hard, taut muscles of Jeff's very flat stomach and the sculpted ridges of Sebastian's well-toned midsection. Nick didn't feel unattractive per se, but he also couldn't help but feel a little bit of anxiety by comparison.

"Sshh, Nick, I swear, your stomach's really hot, and everything about you's perfect," Jeff insisted, squeezing Nick's arm and giving him an earnest look. "I wasn't kidding about kissing it and making it better. I'd _really_ like to do that."

Nick chuckled and grinned at his boyfriend, his confidence fully restored. Then he felt a wave of guilt as he realized that they'd been focusing on him, rather than the much more considerable turmoil Jeff was going through.

"Are you okay though, Jeffy?"

"Yeah," Jeff shrugged casually. "It wasn't the first time John's hit me."

Nick frowned. That hadn't even been what he'd meant. He was more concerned about all the emotional stress, but he felt terrible hearing this new piece of news. He still felt a burning ache in his gut where John had punched him and he couldn't stand the thought that the asshole had done that to his boyfriend on other occasions too.

"Crud! That's so awful." Nick pulled Jeff into a tight hug and kissed the side of his head, once again grateful that they were far enough from the SUV that Jeff's parents couldn't fully see them. Even John's retreating form probably couldn't have made out the kiss, only the hug, if he'd turned around.

"Let's not go back," Nick said.

"We have to," Jeff answered, breaking the embrace. "It's not like we can walk all the way back to Dalton. Besides if we did that...or even if someone had come to get us, my parents would definitely pull me out of school. Maybe if we go back now and apologize they'll only make me change rooms."

"Jeff you can't change rooms!" Nick insisted, shaking his head and scowling at the idea. "You're my roommate, so you have to stay in my room!"

It seemed like good logic to Nick. Surely his roommate had to room with him. He wondered if the argument would win him any points with the Sterlings.

"I know," Jeff said sadly, looking at the ground. "Maybe we can figure something out."

They slowly and wordlessly began trudging back toward the SUV.

**-000-**

**End Note: So, for what it's worth I do have the next two chapters fully mapped out in my head. I'll try to get them onto paper (pixels?) as soon as possible. This chapter was originally going to include the actual visit to Jeff's grandfather, but it ran a bit long and I didn't want to wait any longer, so that'll be the next chapter. As always reviews and comments are greatly appreciated.**

**On another note, I posted a Jyder (Jake/Ryder) fic recently called "Understanding." I'm really grateful to everyone who checked it out and left feedback. If you haven't done so yet and you get a chance...well that would just be all kinds of nifty. I'm planning to post a second, and final, installment of it soon. **


	11. Chapter 11: Into The Closet

**Can't Fight These Feelings**

**A/N: On the bright side I finished this chapter in just over a week! On the downside...well read the chapter. As a warning, let me add that this chapter contains all sorts of awful slurs and hateful language. **

**Chapter 11 – Into The Closet**

_~Late September, 2011~_

Nick took a deep breath as he opened the SUV door and climbed back inside. He wished he had taken the opportunity to give Jeff one more hug and kiss before it was too late. He quietly re-buckled his seatbelt and braced himself for the tirade he knew was coming.

To Nick's surprise, however, Mark Sterling was uncharacteristically nonverbal. He merely grunted, turned the vehicle back on and pulled back onto the road. Nick shot Jeff a questioning look, wondering what he was making of the his father's unexpected behavior. Jeff shrugged slightly, a tense, worried look briefly straining his face, before he pulled the emotionless mask he had been using for most of the trip back into place.

"Jeff, it wasn't okay for you to yell and run off like that. You could have gotten hurt or kidnapped," Susan Sterling said after they had been driving in silence for a few minutes.

Nick did a double take when she started speaking. He would have wagered anything that John or Jeff's father would have been the first to dispel the quiet atmosphere in the SUV, and no doubt with mean words at that. The fact that Susan Sterling was speaking instead, and that Jeff's _safety_ of all things seemed to be the topic of discussion practically floored him.

"I'm sorry, mom," Jeff said softly.

Susan sighed and took a long, steadying breath before continuing. Nick could practically see how much of a strain the conversation was taking on her.

"Nick, the same goes for you. While you're with us we're responsible for you, and you can't just run off like that."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Sterling," Nick apologized, still trying to wrap his head around everything.

"Your father and I discussed things," Susan continued, obviously redirecting her attention to Jeff, but nevertheless, making Nick smirk at the idea of Jeff's mother calling his dad. His ears perked up however as she went on. "We decided to wait and see how the visit to grandpa's went before deciding about dorm room reassignment."

Nick couldn't help himself; he grabbed Jeff's arm in excitement and raised their hands triumphantly. Jeff grinned at him and visibly relaxed in response. The moment was only somewhat marred when John snorted and kicked the back of their seats.

"However," Jeff's mother continued, her voice coming as close to stern as Nick had ever heard it. "Your father has every right to prohibit you from talking to your sister.

Nick frowned when he noticed the way Susan's tone had shifted when she said 'sister,' as though she were discussing something shameful and unpleasant.

"We also don't want you exposed to...people like this Sebastian. You need to delete his and Robyn's numbers from your phone immediately and then let one of us verify it."

Nick let out a snort of his own, but held his tongue when Jeff shot him a warning look.

"I threw my phone away when we left," Jeff said, allowing the anxiety to show on his face as he answered his mother. Nick noticed that the cold monotone Jeff typically used when communicating with his father or brother was also absent. Instead Jeff was speaking to his mother in his regular, albeit very soft, voice. It made Nick feel better about the still-mostly-unpleasant situation somehow; at least Jeff was having a genuine conversation with someone in his family.

"I swear I don't have it. I'll turn my pockets inside out to show you."

"I believe you, son," Susan answered quietly.

"You threw your goddamn phone away!?" Mark raged, breaking his all-too-brief silence. "Do you have any clue how expensive those fucking things are? You ungrateful piece of shit."

Nick gasped and involuntarily reached for Jeff's hand. He had never heard Jeff's father outright call him a 'piece of shit' before. Jeff shook his head and moved his hand out of Nick's reach.

"Well you know what? That's just fine, because you're not getting another one. Not until you can learn to show a little respect."

"Yes sir," Jeff answered stiffly.

Nick glared at the back of Mr. Sterling's seat, fantasying about telling who the _real _piece of shit in his family was. Of course as far as Nick was concerned Mark and John Sterling comprised a pair of twin turds. He found himself praying that one day they would need something from Jeff and that he would just laugh in their faces. Although he couldn't really see Jeff doing that.

The rest of the drive passed slowly and uncomfortably for Nick. Neither he nor Jeff said anything else for the remainder of their time on the road and now to make matters worse, they didn't even have their phones to occupy themselves. Fortunately the vehicle's other passengers mostly ignored them. Mark and John once again slipped into a long sports conversation and Susan returned her attention to her Kindle. Nick was relieved about an hour later as they pulled into the outskirts of Mason, Ohio and the car ride from hell finally came to an end.

"We're late of course thanks to Jeff and Nick," Mark remarked sarcastically as they pulled into the driveway of the Sterling patriarch's home. "I hope you think about the fact that you kept your grandpa from his dinner, Jeff."

"I'm sorry," Jeff said meekly as he stared at his lap.

"Well we'll just see how forgiving he is I guess," Mark answered, getting out and slamming the door behind him.

Nick didn't have time to ponder the significance of the statement as everyone else in the SUV began scrambling out. John cut him an angry sneer when Nick took too long to unbuckle his seatbelt, temporarily leaving John trapped in the back. Rather than wait, the boy huffed and climbed over the seat, exiting on Jeff's side.

By the time Nick was out of the vehicle, Jeff and John had already unloaded much of the luggage from the back. As soon as Nick was within reach, John shoved several suitcases at him and then immediately went back for more. Nick couldn't figure out what the big rush was. It wasn't as though the SUV was about to disappear, taking their bags with it. He didn't see why they couldn't just go inside and say hi to Jeff's grandparents first.

Mark rang the doorbell and a few moments later a very small, gray-haired woman in an apron and a flower-print dress opened the door. She said something Nick couldn't catch and then embraced Jeff's father as he entered the house. Susan went next, also receiving a hug and a smile from the old woman.

"Hey grandma," John said as he set down the bags he was carrying and wrapped his arms around her. Nick noticed the same genuine, happy look on John's face that he had briefly worn at Nick and Jeff's dorm room earlier. For a few moments he looked like any child greeting a beloved grandparent. Nick clenched his jaw and reminded himself not to be deceived again. John may have looked innocent for a few fleeting seconds, but he was still a hateful asshole.

"Jeff, have you gotten _even_ taller?!" Grandma Sterling asked with a warm smile as she embraced the blond and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Maybe a little," Jeff said with a shrug, smiling back at her. "Grandma, this is my roommate and best friend, Nick."

"Hello young man. It's good to meet you," Jeff's grandmother said politely as she patted Nick's back and ushered him into the house.

"Connie, are you gonna stand there flappin' your gums all night? It's dinner time for cryin' out loud."

Nick looked up and spotted the source of the interruption: a hunched over, elderly man with a bald head, a gray mustache, and thick spectacles which were perched crookedly on his long, hooked nose.

"Oh good heavens me! I don't know where my head is," Jeff's grandmother exclaimed. She raised a wrinkled hand to the side of her curl-covered, gray head, as though to confirm that her cranium was indeed still in place. Satisfied, she rushed out of the room.

"Holy crap, don't they have barbers in Westerville?" Grandpa Sterling demanded as he stepped forward and tugged at the hair over Jeff's ear. "Good lord, boy, you look a hippie."

"Sorry grandpa," Jeff answered, his eyes downcast.

"Who's this?" Grandpa Sterling asked, frowning at Nick.

Nick forced a polite smile onto his face and held out his hand to the old man. "I'm Nick Duval. I'm Jeff's roommate at Dalton and–"

"Okay," Grandpa Sterling cut him off, giving his hand a perfunctory shake. "I didn't ask for your life story. Just 'Nick' would have been fine." The old man turned and started to walk away before glancing back at Nick and Jeff and grimacing at them. "Well, are you gonna just stand there in the doorway with dumb looks on your faces like a coupla blaspheming Mormons, or are you gonna come into the livin' room with everyone else?"

The old man shuffled away without waiting for a response. Jeff started to follow him, but Nick grabbed his hand.

"Can we just do that Mormon thing and stand here?" Nick asked hopefully.

Jeff smiled and gave Nick's hand a quick squeeze before letting go and shaking his head. "I'm afraid not."

"For the love of god, Mark, how hard is it to be on time?" Grandpa Sterling was railing as they walked into the room. Nick had to hide his amusement at the sight of Jeff's father, staring at the floor in shame like a little boy as the old man criticized him. "Hell, you even have those GDPs to take the actual thinking out of the process. Heaven help us all if you had to actually think for yourself."

"What does the Gross Domestic Product have to do with your dad being late?" Nick whispered to Jeff, remembering the term from his economics class. Jeff didn't have a chance to answer before his brother spoke up.

"Jeff decided to throw a tantrum like a little girl, grandpa. That's why we're late," John said.

Grandpa Sterling scowled at Jeff and then gave Mark another reproachful glare.

"It's that pansy-ass private school you send the boy to. It's turning him into a moody little sissy. As soon as he turns eighteen you need to ship him off to the army. See if they can make a man out of him."

"Oh he'd like that," John interjected. "They just repeal that 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' after all."

"What's that?" Grandpa Sterling asked, frowning at John.

"It was the ban on faggots in the military, dad," Mark answered, disgust written across his face.

"You mean they're lettin' ass fuckers carry guns now?! Oh God," Grandpa Sterling spat out, "Sometimes I wish I had just died already so I wouldn't have to witness the full collapse of society."

"Dinner's ready," Grandma Sterling said cheerfully as she walked into the room.

Grandpa Sterling snorted. "It was ready half an hour ago. She's been reheating it." He shot an accusatory glare at Jeff then another at Mark. "I'm sure it's all flavorless mush or dried out cinder by now. Lord, you'd think I could get a decent meal from my own wife on the night before my birthday."

Jeff's grandmother wrung her hands and drew her wrinkled brow together in obvious distress. "Would you like me to make you something else, Frank?"

"No. I'd like to actually eat _tonight_, Connie," he barked, waving everyone to their feet and then striding out of the room.

As soon as they were all settled in the dining room, Frank Sterling led them in a very atypical Grace. It was the first prayer Nick had ever heard that somehow managed to include insults about the other people gathered around the table. Evidently Frank Sterling felt that simply thanking God for the bounty would have been insufficient. While he had the Almighty's attention anyway, why not also bring up Jeff's frilly hair, Mark's disgraceful tardiness, and Connie's dry chicken?

"You have no control over your family. That's what your problem is, Mark," Frank said as soon as the 'prayer' was over and he had dramatically downed half of his beverage after tasting his wife's meat and making loud coughing noises.

"You let that boy prance around like a pixie with long hair, throwing fits whenever he wants. It's shameful. Hell, even your wife looks like a painted harlot. No offense honey," Frank remarked to his daughter-in-law.

Nick furrowed his brow, trying to remember what a 'harlot' was. He wasn't sure, but he thought it was a relative of the onion and he couldn't see the connection Frank was trying to make between one of those and Jeff's mother. Nick thought she looked very pretty for a woman old enough to be a mom.

"I'll go take off some of my makeup," Susan answered softly, clearly mortified as she covered her mouth and rose to her feet.

"Not during dinner!" Frank snapped, glaring at her until she sat back down.

"Everything sure is delicious, Mrs. Sterling!" Nick interjected, hoping to change the subject. "These harlots really bring out the flavor."

Connie Sterling gasped and raised a hand to her chest, just as Nick felt Jeff kick him urgently under the table.

"What type of pervert are you, boy?" Frank demanded menacingly, a fork clenched in one hand and a knife in the other.

"Uhh..." Nick may not have been an expert on culinary botanicals, but he knew a loaded question when he heard one.

"Nick's just confused, grandpa," Jeff said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Nick patted his boyfriend's hand gratefully and smiled at Jeff, but the soothing contact was soon withdrawn as both boys withered under the old man's hard gaze. Jeff folded his hands in his lap and sat rigidly in his chair. Nick wasn't sure what else to do so he looked away from the man and mimicked Jeff's posture. That was when he noticed Jeff's mother studying them in between stealing curious glances at Jeff's grandfather.

Nick cleared his throat awkwardly and took a sip of Coke, but otherwise stayed silent, hoping very much that he would just be ignored for the remainder of dinner. He was unsurprised that Jeff and his mother were being equally quiet, as was Jeff's grandmother. The old lady didn't open her mouth at all except to demurely eat her food and occasionally ask if anyone wanted a second helping or needed a beverage refill. Predictably Jeff's brother, father, and grandfather had no trouble monopolizing the conversation by themselves.

"That raghead president is trying to help the sissy-fags destroy this country so that the damn Muslims can take over," Grandpa Sterling remarked a few minutes later, making Nick cringe.

"He wants the faggots and foreigners to have everything," Mark agreed, nodding like a bobblehead. "He's making it impossible for decent people with decent values to do anything."

"Yeah, we're gonna be surrounded by fudge-packers and sand niggers," John remarked, drawing hardy laughs from the other two.

Nick dropped his knife noisily into his plate at the comment, promptly receiving challenging looks from the three Sterling males. However, just as he opened his mouth to tell them just what he thought of their homophobia and racism, he noticed Jeff giving him a scared, pleading look. It made Nick pause. For one thing, he knew that even just Jeff's emotional expressiveness itself was for his benefit alone and that his boyfriend would probably otherwise be sitting stonefaced, ignoring everything.

Nick forced himself to calm down. He knew that Jeff was right. It was pointless trying to convince the tableful of bigots to rethink their beliefs. What mattered was helping Jeff get through this visit. Nick gave him a small nod, hoping their nonverbal communication was going unnoticed as he then dropped his eyes to his plate and busied himself cutting his chicken into tiny chunks, refusing to acknowledge that anyone was even looking at him. Eventually they either got bored with him or decided they had succeeded in intimidating him and went back to their hate-mongering.

Their conversation continued along the same format. The old man would pick an incredibly offensive topic, say something nasty about it, Mark would agree and parrot back a similar but slightly different rude remark, and then John would remix a third way of saying the same awful thing. They would then all have an obnoxious round of boisterous laughter over their conclusions.

Nick didn't think he had ever heard so many hateful slurs and closed-minded opinions in his life. He felt so nauseated that gave up on actually eating about halfway through the meal. Mark and John were even worse than usual, seeming to feed on the old man's concentrated venom. At least when it was just the two of them they occasionally contented themselves to merely droning on about mundane, non-offensive topics. This was all hate, all the time.

The only thing that made the horrible gathering even slightly bearable was the way Frank Sterling would occasionally turn the brunt of his cruelty onto Mark instead. Unfortunately Nick couldn't even really enjoy that because...well one, it would have been sort of evil to enjoy that, and Nick didn't want to be evil. Two, the man would usually turn around and criticize Jeff, his mother, or even Jeff's grandmother in the same breath. He even took some veiled cracks at Nick.

What Nick couldn't understand was why the old bigot never had anything negative to say about John. It seemed like everyone at the table, except himself and Jeff, but including the two Sterling women, were under some kind of crazy disillusion that the young asshole was perfect, and spent all his time bringing the family honor or shitting gold bricks.

Toward the end of the meal, Nick discretely moved to brush his leg against Jeff's, hurt on his boyfriend's behalf about the way Frank was currently deriding him. Unfortunately Nick misjudged the location of Jeff's leg and ended up banging his knee against the table, causing all the dishes and glasses to shake and garnering himself another round of hostile glares.

After dinner was over everyone returned to the living room. The three generations of Sterling men, minus Jeff of course, continued their offensive diatribes forcing everyone else to just sit and listen. Nick couldn't help but be somewhat disappointed that neither Susan nor Connie said anything in protest or ever tried to change the subject. Nick knew without a doubt that his own outspoken mom would never have tolerated a conversation like this occurring in her presence, but more significantly he suspected that even his shy new stepmom, Cathy, would have spoken up. Most damning, however, was that Nick occasionally noticed the Sterling women smiling or nodding along, as though lending support to the twisted viewpoints being spouted. Nick bit the inside of his mouth to keep silent, reminding himself over and over that his first priority was supporting Jeff and making sure that the visit as a whole would pass without incident so that he and Jeff could continue rooming together at Dalton.

By the time the night was over Nick's stomach was in knots and he had a splitting headache. He could only imagine how Jeff must have felt since on top of everything else his father or grandfather had continued to make occasional backhanded remarks about him, or even hurl outright insults at him. All Nick wanted to do by this point was just climb into bed with his boyfriend and envelop him in as much love and support as he could.

Frank and Connie Sterling had a large home with enough rooms to accommodate Jeff's parents in one, Nick and Jeff in a second, and John in a third, in addition of course to their own master bedroom. At first, due to Mark Sterling's obvious growing desire to keep Nick and Jeff apart, it had looked like Jeff and John would be forced to share a room, and that Nick would be alone in another. Fortunately, however, John had vehemently complained about having to share with his brother, and to Nick's surprise Susan Sterling had once again spoken up and agreed that it made more sense for Nick and Jeff to share instead since they were already used to being roommates. Mark had looked like he was still going to refuse, but then Frank had started swearing at him for delaying everyone's bedtime and he had finally given in.

"Hurry up, Duval! I need to take a shit!" John pounded on the bathroom door, twisting the knob insistently.

Nick rolled his eyes as he spit out the rest of his toothpaste and rinsed his mouth. He had already changed into his pajamas and was in fact ready to exit the hallway bathroom anyway, but he nevertheless found himself dawdling, darkly enjoying the idea of John squirming in discomfort. Nick's shoulders slumped as he looked at himself in the mirror, ashamed of what he was doing.

"Quit stroking you tiny pencil-dick and get out!" John raged, unleashing more wrath on the bathroom door.

"I'm coming!" Nick grumbled as he gathered up the discarded clothes he had changed out of, and then unlocked and opened the door. Before he could exit the small room or even step to the side, John walked right into him, shoving him backward.

"Well?!" John growled, glaring at him. "Get the fuck out unless you want to wipe my ass for me."

John was already poised with his back to the toilet, thumbs hooking threateningly into the waistband of his sweatpants. Nick's eyes widened in horror and he scrambled out of the room, closing the door behind him. His stomach turned and his face soured as he couldn't quite make it out of earshot.

"Oh my god, Jeff. Tonight was just..." Nick trailed off, at a loss for words to even describe the nightmare as he walked back into the bedroom they were using. His latest unpleasant encounter with John barely even made the list of the evening's awful happenings.

Nick was unsurprised to find that in the relatively short period of time that he had been gone Jeff had already meticulously unpacked most of their things. Their personal effects had already been neatly laid out on the dresser and bedside table, their hanging clothes already carefully arranged in the closet, and Jeff was just finishing loading their folded items into drawers.

"I know. I'm so sorry you had to be exposed to all that," Jeff apologized softly, eyes downcast and guilt lacing his voice as he crossed the room and took the jumble of clothing out of Nick's arms, quickly beginning to refold them. Nick smiled and rubbed his back as he worked. He found his boyfriend's borderline-obsessive tidying and organizational tendencies endearing. However even Jeff didn't normally fold dirty laundry before putting it away, so Nick was pretty sure that the mindless activity was somehow helping him calm down or perhaps channel some of his stress.

Nick turned around, closing and locking the door before returning his attention to Jeff. Rather than touch him again or interrupt him in any way, Nick waited patiently as Jeff finished his task and then deposited Nick's used outfit in a neat, stacked pile in the corner of the room with his own. As Jeff surveyed his handiwork, Nick moved into place behind his boyfriend.

The blond had already taken his own turn in the bathroom, changing and getting ready for bed. A pair of dark blue pajama bottoms now clung to his narrow hips. A crisp, white t-shirt gently hugged his trim torso. Nick enjoyed the softness of the fabric as he slowly snaked his hands around Jeff's waist from behind, lacing his fingers together over Jeff's stomach and playfully tracing circles around his navel as he pulled the boy back into his arms, resting his chin on Jeff's shoulder.

"Mmm, you smell like someone I love," Nick whispered, turning his face into the crook of Jeff's neck and inhaling as much of the intoxicating scent as he could.

"Really? Because you _feel_ like someone I love," Jeff whispered back, his body going slack in Nick's arms as he rolled his head back and to the side, exposing more of his neck and throat to Nick's mouth.

Nick took the hint, placing a series of soft kisses along Jeff's jawline. Soon Nick's tongue had begun lapping at his pulse point, drawing small, contented sighs from him. Jeff tasted too good to resist, felt too good in Nick's arms. Slowly, delicately Nick began suckling on the warm, lightly-tanned flesh.

Jeff moaned, the sound low and primal. As soon as the sound was out, however, he almost instantly froze, going completely rigid in Nick's arms as a blush darkened his face.

"Nick, we can't. Not here. Not now." He began pulling away.

"It's okay," Nick insisted. "I'll be careful not to leave a mark. Besides, I locked the door."

"What?! You can't do that!" Jeff declared, rushing toward the door. Nick followed him.

"Why not?" Nick asked, stilling Jeff's hand on the knob just as he was about to unlock it.

"My grandpa would have a fit if someone tried to lock him out of a room in his house."

"But I want to hold you while we sleep," Nick answered, gently pulling Jeff away from the still-locked door. "We don't have to kiss or have anymore neck fun. I just want to hold you."

"Nick we can't. Not _here_. It's way too risky," Jeff said. Nick could tell Jeff's resolve was weak, and sure enough he didn't argue further as Nick slowly lead him away from the door. The lights were still on and Nick could see how much more tense Jeff became as they sat down on the bed.

"Just relax, Jeff; it's gonna be okay. If he tries the door he won't be able to get in, and we can just say I didn't know and did it without really thinking." Nick wrapped his arms around Jeff again and used his weight to ease him backward onto the mattress.

"I should sleep on the floor," Jeff insisted.

"Ssshh, none of that. You had a bad day and I just want you to feel safe and loved now," Nick whispered, as he tangled their legs together and rubbed Jeff's side. He could already feel his own heart-rate starting to slow down, his whole body relaxing as _Jeff_ flooded his senses. He stared into Jeff's eyes, not expecting the remark the followed.

"I'd feel safer on the floor," Jeff said, still rigid in Nick's arms.

Nick felt a pang in the pit of his stomach. He stuck his bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout, knowing the effect it would have.

"Nick, I-I didn't mean it like that," Jeff said, his face contorted in distress. He pressed a kiss against Nick's lips, physically nudging Nick's lower one back into place, and then starting to pull away. Nick giggled and moved his hand to the back of Jeff's head, stopping him from getting very far.

"I need this too, Jeff," Nick pleaded, his mouth just barely grazing against Jeff's as he spoke. "Please don't go. I need to be close to you right now."

Jeff sighed, his breath warm and minty on Nick's parted lips. "Okay," he whispered back, wrapping his hands around Nick's back and closing the miniscule distance between their faces to resume the kiss.

Nick opened his lips, flicking his tongue out and insistently requesting entry into Jeff's mouth. He felt a wave of intense feelings that had him shivering as he pressed himself even more tightly against Jeff. He had been telling the truth: he did need this. He felt like he _had _to have full, sustained intimacy with Jeff after all the unpleasant things they had heard that day. He had to reassure them both that the nasty hate and mean comments hadn't affected them, that things were still good and positive.

Nick rolled on top of Jeff, their kiss amplifying as their bodies meshed together fully. Nick felt Jeff's erection through his thin pajama pants, and he was delighted to realize that he had one too. Screw the Sterlings; this was so right and wonderful.

Nick thrust himself against Jeff, swallowing the quiet moan that his action elicited from the blond. Then Nick raised his hands to Jeff's face, fingers caressing his cheeks and thumbs brushing the locks of soft hair over his earlobes as he slowly pulled his mouth away, lightly holding Jeff in place as he ended the kiss.

"I love you _so_ much, Jeff. You don't know how you make me feel," Nick said, his heart fluttering as he gazed into Jeff's eyes and thrust himself against Jeff again. This was one of the most sexual encounters that they had ever had, and Nick knew that this really wasn't the most appropriate time or place, but he couldn't help the overwhelming swell of feelings that were engulfed him. He felt almost frantic to express his love to Jeff.

"I know, Nick. I know how you feel. It's how I feel too," Jeff whispered back, raising his own hands to Nick's face, palms lightly pressing against Nick's cheeks as his fingers trailed through Nick's dark hair.

"When we get back to Dalton I was thinkin' we should...you know, take things further," Nick said. He could feel Jeff's heart beating against his chest, beating in time with his own. This was amazing, but he wanted to feel even more connected to Jeff; he wanted to hold him close and look into his eyes as they both came apart in the best way possible.

"Yeah," Jeff gasped more than said. "I-I'm ready too."

Nick pressed his lips against Jeff's again. His whole body felt like it was tingling with excitement and anticipation. He wished it could be now; he wished they could somehow instantly teleport themselves back to their dorm room.

He squeezed Jeff tight and slowly eased his tongue into Jeff's mouth. He couldn't get enough of Jeff. He wanted to kiss him all night, or at least until they both feel asleep, wrapped tightly together.

Nick was completely lost in their kiss when there was a sudden noise at the door. Nick's heart leapt into his mouth as he realized that someone was twisting the locked doorknob. Jeff was squirming now, trying to make him move, but Nick was frozen in place. Then there was a clink of metal in metal and before Nick had a chance to react further, the door swung open.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" Grandpa Sterling screamed from the doorway.

The old man's eyes were bulging and he looked an odd mix between furious and violently nauseated. Nick didn't have time to analyze the man's appearance any further, however, as Frank Sterling abruptly flung the keys he had used to open the door at him. Nick reacted just in time to turn away, the metal stinging hard against his scalp rather than slamming into his face as the man had obviously intended.

"You're both faggots! FAGGOTS!" Frank Sterling shouted as he rushed into the room and shoved Nick so hard that he not only rolled off of Jeff, but toppled over the side of the bed as well.

Nick jumped to his feet as quickly as he could, but Frank Sterling was already holding Jeff by the throat against the bed. Before Nick could get to him he punched Jeff in the eye.

"Don't touch him you mean old homophone!" Nick screamed, diving at Jeff's grandfather and knocking him away from Jeff.

"I knew you were queers! I knew it!" Frank Sterling cackled as Nick wrestled him to the ground. The old man swung wildly, his glasses having been knocked off when Nick tackled him. Nevertheless he managed to deliver a series of painful blows to Nick's stomach, chest, and the side of his head as he continued his rant. "I knew you were faggots when I saw you together at dinner!"

Just as Nick had succeeded in fully subduing Frank Sterling, something slammed down hard against his right shoulder. Pain radiated down his arm and across his upper back, making him loose his grip on the man and throwing him severely off balance. Jeff's grandfather shoved him away and scrambled back. Nick looked up, started and confused as he took in the sight of Jeff's elderly grandmother standing over him brandishing a frying pan.

"Don't move, sonny. I don't want to have to hit you again," Connie Sterling warned, "But I will to keep you away from my Jeffrey."

That's when Nick realized that there were several other people in the room too, all of them shouting. To his horror one of the voices belonged to Jeff. He looked past the old woman, trying to make sense of everything that was happening. It was Mark and John. They were struggling with Jeff. Mark was trying to pull him off the bed while John was pummeling him.

"No! Let him go!" Nick cried out desperately, his blood running cold. He was on his hands and knees now and he tried to get up. He had to do something to protect Jeff.

Before he could get back to his feet, however, Connie Sterling landed another hard blow with the frying pan, this time right over the back of his head. He crashed down against the floor in a heap. It felt like his head might explode. When he tried to open his eyes all he could see were spots.

Nick felt hands gripping him, yanking him roughly to his feet. By the time he had regained his bearings he realized that he was no longer in the bedroom at all; he was being dragged down the hallway by Frank Sterling, Connie next to him with her cast-iron cookware.

Nick shoved the old man hard, knocking him away. Then he pivoted and raised his arm just in time to block another skillet assault from the Sterling matriarch. It still hurt and his arm was stinging in pain from the fresh blow, but he was on his feet and he was free now, so he counted it as a win.

"Jeff, where are you?!" Nick screamed at the top of his lungs as he backed away from the old couple. He kept a close eye on them, ready to defend himself in case one of them should lunge at him. "Jeff!"

He didn't get far. Suddenly a pair of strong arms were locking around him and someone was kicking the back of his leg. He twisted his head to identify his captor: it was John Sterling.

Nick kept thrashing and kicking, using all his strength in an attempt to get away from the younger boy, but then it was too late. Frank was back now too, clutching at him. So was Connie, the nasty old hag was whacking his flailing limbs with her instrument of agony. Nick mentally took back his compliments about her cooking. He had lied anyway; he didn't even like harlots.

"Where's Jeff?!" Nick shouted as they resumed dragging him down the hallway. "Let go of me! You can't do this! Jeff! Jeff!"

Just when he was nearly loose again, John punched him hard in the stomach and kicked his feet out from under him. Then Connie shuffled ahead and opened a door. An unexpectedly pleasant aroma wafted out. It was vaguely like Christmas and Nick realized that he was kneeling in front of a cedar closet. They shoved him forward into it.

His hands shot out just in time to protect him from face planting into the floor. However, as soon as the full weight of his body bore down on his abused arms, the impact also jostling his hurt shoulder, he cried out in pain and fell onto his stomach.

Nick tried to block the door from closing with his feet, but they kept kicking his legs until Nick relented and drew them against his body. Suddenly he was shrouded in total darkness and an instant later he heard the lock click into place. He kicked the door hard and tried to climb to his feet, but he promptly stumbled and fell again, tripping on unseen objects that were strewn across the floor of the closet.

He whimpered as he sat up, drawing his knees to his chest and praying his eyes would somehow adjust to the darkness. He felt them starting to sting with tears. He was angry, furious. He was also in a lot of pain and terrified about what they were going to do to him. He let out his first sob as as he thought about what they might _already_ be doing to Jeff.

Just when Nick didn't think the situation could deteriorate anymore he heard two horrible sounds in quick succession that sent him spiraling over the edge. First, was the scrapping and creaking of something large and heavy being dragged into place in front of the closet door, trapping him even more completely in his lightless, cedar prison. Second, and most devastating: the muffled sound of Jeff screaming.

**-000-**

**End Note: My apologies on the violence and slurs. I'm going to try to resolve this cliffhanger ASAP. Reviews and feedback are always greatly appreciated, especially after a rougher chapter like this. Eager to know what you all thought and what you think might happen next...actually you guys came really close to knowing _exactly_ what's coming in the next several chapters. I almost forgot to delete my story notes, which I keep at the bottom of the document page I'm working on. That woulda been awkward.**


	12. Chapter 12: A Mother Always Knows

**Can't Fight These Feelings**

**A/N: My sincere thanks to everyone who reviewed and commented on the last chapter. It was a tough one to write so I'm really grateful for the feedback. Here's the next one.**

**Chapter 12 – A Mother Always Knows**

_~Late September, 2011~_

Just when Nick didn't think the situation could deteriorate anymore he heard two horrible sounds in quick succession that sent him spiraling over the edge. First, was the scrapping and creaking of something large and heavy being dragged into place in front of the closet door, trapping him even more completely in his lightless, cedar prison. Second, and most devastating: the muffled sound of Jeff screaming.

Nick lost control of himself as the sound of Jeff's agonized cries ripped him apart inside. He was crying hysterically now, his chest painfully constricted and his stomach feeling as though it were trying to dissolve itself from the inside out. The sound of Jeff wailing in distress only made things much worse; Nick's ears seemed to physically hurt in response. He was frantic to do something, anything to help Jeff.

He sprang back up and hurled himself forward, once again tripping over something in the darkness, but this time allowing the momentum to propel him harder as he thudded against the thick wooden door. He instantly began a frenzied, enraged barrage on the cedar barrier blocking him from reaching his boyfriend.

"JEFF! JEFF!" Nick shouted, banging his fists against the door. "LEAVE HIM ALONE! JEFF!"

Nick continued yelling and raining pounding fists against the door until it became impossible to ignore the throbbing ache radiating up and down both arms. Then he became aware that he could no longer hear Jeff's terrified pleas. That realization made Nick's chest hurt even more and made him feel even farther disconnected from Jeff. He drew in a sharp breath and held it, listening as carefully as he could. Nothing. He couldn't hear Jeff at all now.

"JEFF! JEFF!" Nick yelled, hitting the door hard one more time and kicking it too for good measure.

"CAN YOU HEAR ME?!" Nick shouted at the top of his lungs. Not only didn't Jeff yell back in response, but the whole house was now eerily silent. There was nothing, not a sound except Nick's own unsteady breathing. As painful and horrible as it had been hearing Jeff's screams, at least it had been something. At least it had let Nick know that Jeff was conscious and alert.

Nick whimpered again and closed his eyes. When he reopened them he was confronted with the fact that there was no discernible difference: He was in total darkness. There wasn't even a sliver of light leaking in from around the door.

Nick let out a shaky breath and felt more tears roll down his face. There had to be something he could do, some weakness in this accursed coniferous cage that he could exploit. He slid his hands back and forth across the rough wooden door.

"FUCK!" He exclaimed, grimacing as a splitter lodged itself under the fingernail of his left index finger. He gritted his teeth and let out a strangled sob as the pain briefly lit up and blazed hard, distracting him from every other hurt in his body. A few moments later, however, and it had settled into a harsh, angry throb, becoming just another unpleasant soreness in the myriad he was already enduring.

He raised the wounded digit to his mouth, a sick feeling coursing through his system as he perceived the sensation of a small wooden shard poking out beneath his nail. He hissed through his teeth and then bit the end of the foreign object, pulling it loose and spitting the offending scrap away. He had no idea if everything had come out or if he still had a tiny splinter embedded under his fingernail. Regardless, it seemed like the least of his worries right now.

Nick slowly pressed his hands forward again, this time mindful not to rub the rough surface too hard or too quickly. Eventually he located what he was looking for: the doorknob. If the door had a weak point this had to be it. First Nick tried to visualize where in the darkness it was in relation to his own body. Then he took a slow, careful step back, trying to line himself up just right. Then he kicked out at his target as hard as he could.

"Unnghh!" Nick yelled as the impact threw him off balance and he took a clumsy, faltering step backward, once again slipping on unseen items. He crashed down on his backside, landing hard on several long, cylindrical objects and feeling them crunch under his weight. At least they hadn't been sharp or dangerous. He groped around, his hands clawing across the hollow tubes. They were smooth, glossy. He felt a loose flap along the edge of one and recognized the texture of paper. They were rolls of Christmas wrapping.

Nick huffed in irritation and arched his hips enough to shove them away, annoyed that they weren't even useful to his plight. At least now he could rest in a fully-seated position and stretch out his still-throbbing leg. His ill-fated door kick hadn't been as well-aimed as he'd hoped and his foot had struck the doorknob at the wrong angle, glancing off of it rather than striking it directly. The impact and subsequent fall hadn't hurt as much as he knew that they could have, but either way he knew he wasn't up to trying again.

Nick drew in another deep breath, the cloying fragrance of cedar invading his throat and nostrils. It might have been the crying or the yelling that had hurt Nick's throat, but he chose to blame the sickening, oppressive piney odor instead.

It was becoming harder and harder to breathe. Then a terrifying thought gripped Nick: What if the reason it was so difficult to breathe was that there was very little air left? What if he was suffocating to death?

Nick began taking small, shallow breaths, and did his best to resist the overwhelming urge he had to panic. He knew that if he was in a tiny, air-tight room that hyperventilating would have been about the worst thing he could have done. He kept his mouth clenched shut, holding in his sobs and forcing himself to breathe slowly through his nose.

Nick curled up on his side on the floor of the closet, his face pressing against outdated shag carpeting as he accepted his reality: He was utterly helpless, trapped in a tiny, dark, silent prison and at the whim of people whom he considered little more than monsters by this point. He had no idea what was happening to Jeff. He had no way of helping him. He wasn't even sure if he would ever see him again. Silent tears rolled down Nick's cheeks, gradually saturating the fabric against his face.

**-000-**

_~Two Hours Later~_

Nick snapped out of his mental daze as slivers of light abruptly flashed into existence around the frame of the door. Someone had turned a light on in the hallway. A small flicker of hope sparked in Nick's chest and he sat up, listening intently.

There were still no voices, but he heard scuffling on the other side of the door and shadows danced in the thin beam of light spilling from underneath. Someone was dragging aside the makeshift barricade!

Suddenly fear replaced Nick's fledgling sense of hope. Yes, it looked like he was about to be let out, but what awaited him on the other side of that door?

Nick frantically groped around on the floor of the closet, looking for something, anything he could use to defend himself. The bent tubes of wrapping paper that were closest to him seemed like a poor choice. Then his fingers brushed against something sturdy and box-shaped. He could throw it, but that didn't seem like a great idea either.

The obstruction had now been removed, and he heard the sound of someone fiddling with the lock. He realized that he was out of time just as his hand brushed over something that he quickly deduced was a string of Christmas lights. He scooped up the twiny decorations and wrapped them around each of his hands, pulling them taut as he crouched down and prepared himself.

"Nick! Are you–"

The voice was cut off as Nick sprang into action, launching his attack with every ounce of force he had remaining. As Nick collided with his new adversary, the other person stumbled backward, banging against the opposite wall of the hallway. Nick instinctually pressed the cord of lights against the person's throat, growling and blinking rapidly as his eyes tried to adjust to the sudden flood of light.

As soon as Nick stopped seeing spots and actually got a look at the person he was grappling with, he gasped and froze. Then he immediately pulled his hands away and tossed the string of lights aside.

"Dad!" Nick wrapped his arms around the man and squeezed him just as ferociously as he had been fighting only a moment earlier. Relief and a feeling of security washed over him and he found himself coming undone again. He buried his face in his dad's chest and began sobbing incoherently.

"It's okay, buddy, I gotcha. You're safe now," Ian said in low, soothing tones as he held Nick close. It was the same voice Ian had always used with him whenever he had been upset as a kid, and Nick found himself slowly calming down in response.

"Wha-what are you doing here?" Nick ask sniffling softly. He was gradually starting to regain his composure, but was still unwilling to relinquish his death grip on his dad's torso.

"Jeff's mom called me. They had my number from the time you went on vacation with them." Ian answered, giving Nick a little squeeze and then raising one hand to cradle the back of his head. However, when he did, Nick groaned and winced as his dad inadvertently put pressure on the spot where Connie Sterling's pan had struck him earlier in the evening.

Ian picked up on Nick's reaction and gently moved his hands to Nick's shoulder so that he could tilt him back enough to look at him. In the process Nick's dad unfortunately squeezed his second major sore spot: the shoulder where Connie's other hard hit had landed. Nick grimaced again and Ian quickly released him altogether, regarding him with a worried, rapidly darkening expression.

"What the hell did they do to you?" Ian demanded, his voice still low, but now void of any trace of comfort. Instead Nick was almost alarmed at how angry his dad seemed.

"They hit me," Nick said simply, moving in for another hug. His dad returned the embrace, but this time it was much more tentative, careful.

"We need to get you to the car," Ian said stiffly a few moments later, his voice still tight with barely-contained rage. He let go of Nick and grabbed his hand, already pulling him back down the hallway.

"NO!" Nick shouted, startling his dad and pulling his hand away. "We can't leave without Jeff."

"Nick, we have to–"

"NO!" Nick yelled again, crossing his arms and glaring. "I'm not going anywhere without him."

"I know! I know!" Ian answered, raising his hands in surrender. "That's not what I was going to say. Of course we're not leaving without Jeff, but _you_ need to go wait in the car with Cathy."

"But dad–"

"Nick, I promise I will not set foot outside of this house without him." Ian looked Nick in the eye as he made his vow.

Nick furrowed his brow and considered his dad's words for a few seconds before vehemently shaking his head. "No, I'm staying with you. We'll get him together."

"Nick, this isn't open for discussion," Ian answered in his most authoritative voice. "I need to know that you're safe so that I can focus on Jeff."

"I-I can't," Nick answered, trembling and starting to cry again as his emotions once again overwhelmed. He had never flat out refused to listen to his dad before, but this was different.

"I can't, dad, please. They...they ripped me away from him. I-I heard him..." Nick let out a sob and covered his face with his hand. "I heard him screaming, and I c-couldn't get to him. I can't leave him. I can't."

A moment later his dad's arms were around him again, drawing him back in against his chest and kissing the top of his head. "Okay, buddy," he said quietly, his own voice quivering with emotion. "Let's go get him."

Nick took a long, deep breath and choked back his tears. He couldn't afford them right now; he had to find Jeff. After a few seconds he pulled away and nodded at his dad, signaling that he was ready.

They walked back up the hallway, toward Connie and Frank's bedroom. It seemed like as good a place as any to start. Nick tried the door and found that it was unlocked. He was about to enter the room when his dad put a hand on his shoulder and held him back, silently insisting that he go in first. Nick stepped aside and let him.

"Where's Jeff?" Ian demanded as soon as he walked into the room. Nick hurried in behind him, quickly casting his eyes around the large bedroom, vigilant for any potential threats.

Frank Sterling was sitting up on his bed, scowling at them over the top of a magazine. "Get out."

"Where's Jeff?" Ian demanded again, his voice even sharper and more threatening than before as he advanced toward the man. Nick moved to position himself on the other side of the bed, just in case the old man had any thoughts of leaving.

Just then a door on the opposite side of the room opened, briefly revealing the tiled floor of a bathroom. Mark Sterling stepped out, resealing the room behind him.

"You must be the faggot's father," Mark commented, crossing his arms and smirking at Nick's dad.

Nick watched as his dad shot across the room and shoved the heavier man backward against the door.

"You goddamn asshole!" Ian snarled. Before Mark had a chance to react Ian reared back and punched him square in the nose. Mark fumbled, clutching his face and tripping over his own feet as he slumped to the floor.

"Hold it," Nick ordered, glaring at Frank Sterling and raising his own fist menacingly as the man moved to get out of bed.

"N-Nick?" came Jeff's feeble voice from inside the bathroom, making Nick's heart skip a beat.

Nick sucked in an excited breath and whirled away from the old man, desperate to get to Jeff. By the time Nick had reached the bathroom door, Ian had pulled Mark Sterling away from it. They were arguing in heated tones, the portly man holding his bleeding nose as blood seeped through his fingers and dripped down onto his ample belly. Nick didn't bother trying to overhear their conversation. All that mattered was checking on Jeff.

Nick gasped as he entered the room. "Oh my god!"

"Nick, are you okay?" Jeff asked from his position in the bathtub.

Nick blinked, still trying to wrap his head around the situation. It seemed almost surreal that Jeff was asking _him_ if he was okay. Jeff's hands were tied to the tub faucet with some type of fabric. Equally disturbing was Jeff's actual appearance. His head had been sloppily shaved. He was nearly bald with only a few random tufts of blond remaining. A thin line of dried blood was caked to the side of his head, leading down to a dried path over his ear. His left eye was black and swollen shut. Scattered bloodstains dotted the front of his white t-shirt.

"Jeffy! Oh my god, Jeffy." Nick ran into the room and threw his arms around his boyfriend, squeezing him as close as he could given the odd positioning.

"It's okay, Nicky. I'm okay...Uh, could you untie me please?" Jeff pulled at his bound hands, redirecting Nick's attention. Nick realized that the fabric of Jeff's restraints consisted of an old, long sleeve button-down shirt. The sleeves had been twisted into chords, looped over the faucet, and knotted around Jeff's wrists.

Nick placed a quick kiss against the bare skin over the shell of Jeff's ear, relieved that the blood didn't seem to have emanated from it. He wanted to examine Jeff more closely, but instead set to work freeing him as requested.

"I was struggling. They nicked my head a few time while they were shaving it," Jeff explained, as if reading Nick's mind, while Nick continued working to release him.

"Why did they do that though?" Nick asked, surprising himself with how emotional he sounded. He had thought he was being strong for Jeff, but a lot of his panic and distress was obviously still seeping out.

Jeff shrugged. "My grandpa just kept raving about how I had faggot hair. I think it was some kind of punishment."

Nick couldn't help but look around in response, noticing for the first time that Jeff's beautiful hair was scattered all over the bathroom, mostly in the bathtub next to Jeff, but also all around the area near the tub where Nick was kneeling, and even thinly spread along the floor as far as the bathroom sink.

Just then Nick succeeded in loosening Jeff's hands enough so that he could pull himself free from the tub faucet. Jeff immediately wrapped his arms around Nick and pulled him in for a tight hug. Nick didn't even mind the pain it caused in his shoulder when he did so. Then Jeff pressed a quick, urgent kiss to his mouth.

"Are you okay, Nick?" Jeff asked, pulling back enough to peer at Nick with his one uninjured eye. Nick felt another wave of anger and sadness as he looked at his boyfriend's bruised face.

Nick reminded himself to be strong for Jeff. He nodded and helped Jeff climb out of the tub. "I'm fine."

"Did I hear your dad a little while ago?" Jeff asked, a hopeful look on his face.

Nick nodded. "Yeah, he's–"

They were interrupted by the sound of a loud thud and Frank Sterling swearing. Nick and Jeff rushed back into the bedroom just as John also entered from the hallway. Frank was lying on the bedroom floor squirming, cursing, and waving his fist. Nick couldn't help but snicker; the scene called to mind images of a bug that gotten flipped over onto its back. John on the other hand obviously wasn't amused. He hurried over to the Sterling patriarch and began helping him up.

"He hit your father and he pushed me down," Frank told his grandson, pointing an accusatory finger at Ian.

"You tripped on your own feet, old man," Ian countered, glaring at the pair. Suddenly he noticed that Nick had returned with Jeff and his eyes widened in alarm. "Jeff, are you okay?"

"He sure as hell isn't!" Mark snapped, scowling at his elder son from over Ian's shoulder. "He's a little pus–"

Mark didn't get the chance to finish as Ian whirled back around and hit him in the face again, this time punching the hand he was still using to grip his bleeding nose. Jeff's father yowled in pain.

"You're going to jail, you evil son of a bitch," Ian growled. Out of the corner of his eye Nick saw John clench his fist and turn toward his dad; however, before he could move, Frank grabbed the boy's arm and shook his head.

"Oh no I'm not," Mark retorted, his voice somewhat muffled and nasally, but no less hateful. "Not if you want to take my queer-ass son away with you,"

"You just said you didn't want him," Ian snarled back, before flinching at his own words and then throwing an apologetic look Jeff's way. "But we do. We love him and he's coming with us."

"You can take the shit-wipe," John interjected. "Fags like him don't belong in this family. I hope I never see his disgusting face again."

"Same here you stupid, drooling knuckle-dragger!" Jeff shouted at his brother. Nick wound a protective arm around his boyfriend, worried that John might physically retaliate. Instead he seemed taken aback that Jeff was defending himself.

"Oh, I definitely _don't_ want him," Mark continued with a cold laugh. "But you better believe if you try to press charges I will fight you, and who do think the police are going to believe: his parents, grandparents, and brother, or some random guy and his kid?"

"The evidence is all over them." Ian waved his hand angrily in Nick and Jeff's direction. Nick wondered for a moment if his dad was going to strike Mark Sterling a third time, but he didn't.

"Actually, they did that to each other," Frank cut in, smiling darkly. "We had to pull them apart. Then we called you to come and get that little hooligan and you assaulted my son."

"Exactly," Mark agreed nodding and pulling his hand away from his nose. Almost immediately it began bleeding again. He sighed and re-squeezed it.

"That's ridiculous and any competent investigation will prove it," Ian answered. To Nick's dismay his dad didn't look as confident as he sounded.

"Doesn't matter. The little fudge-packer will end up in CPS until it's resolved." Mark curled one lip up in disgust and gave Jeff another disdainful look. "And we _will_ win."

Jeff groaned and frowned. Then he crossed the room and placed a tentative hand on Ian's arm, his face cloudy and distressed.

"Please, Mr. Duval," Jeff begged. "Please don't leave me here with them, or let foster care take me."

"Of course I won't, Jeff," Ian answered solemnly before pulling Jeff in for a tight hug. "You're coming home with us. I promise."

"Oh no he's not. Not if you call the police," Mark threatened again. "In fact, John here was telling me that Jeff had confided in him that you molested him the last time he was at your house. They certainly wouldn't let _you _take him."

"Yep, that's what Jeff told me," John said, grinning.

"That's outrageous!" Ian exclaimed.

"My dad would never do that!" Nick shouted, pushing past Ian and Jeff and getting in Mark's face. He shoved him. "No way could you try to prove that. They'd believe Jeff anyway."

Ian reached out with one hand and grabbed Nick's uninjured shoulder, gently but firmly pulling him away from the man.

"Doesn't matter if I can prove it," Mark continued. "It would ruin his reputation."

"You don't think what you did to these boys will ruin _your_ reputation?" Ian demanded.

"Actually, no I don't. You can't prove shit, and at my company a rumor floating around that I may have hit a couple of faggots and stood up for decent family values will reflect _well_ on me."

Ian took a few deep breaths and then started guiding Nick and Jeff out of the room. "Come on guys. We're leaving."

"Yes, please do. Just don't call the cops unless you want the mother of all shitstorms to rain down on you," Mark said. Just before they were out of the room he added, "Oh and, Jeff?"

Nick tried to pull Jeff away, but he stopped and slowly turned back to look at his father.

"Yeah?" he asked quietly.

"I just wanted you to know one more thing before you left. Ever since you were old enough to walk, you've been nothing but a repulsive, embarrassing failure to me. I basically came to expect it from you. But _this._" He waved his arm, pointing at Nick and Jeff's joined hands. "This is the last straw. I'm done trying to help you. I disown you. May you rot in hell where you belong."

"And may you go there fast," Frank added as he moved toward them and began hustling them out the door. "Now both you sissy-fags get the hell out of my house. And dontcha ever come back neither or I'll take my shotgun to ya."

Nick felt his dad's arm tighten around him and realized that he had also pulled Jeff closer. He whispered something to Jeff that Nick couldn't hear as they walked down the hallway. Nick was unnerved to realize that Frank Sterling was still following them, apparently intent on seeing them out personally.

When they got the living room they found Connie Sterling sitting in a rocking chair, wrapped up in a shawl, and knitting quietly as though it were her responsibility to single-handedly reinforce stereotypes about older women. When she spotted them she rose to her feet and advanced toward them threateningly, knitting needles still in hand.

"Where do you think you're going with him?" She demanded, gesturing at her grandson with one of the little metal rods.

Ian started to answer. "He's coming with–"

"Woman, you get out of the way and get on to bed," Frank hollered.

"But they can't–"

"NOW, Constance."

Jeff's grandma sighed dramatically and folded her arms, reluctantly stepping aside, but making no move to leave the room.

"Bye grandma," Jeff said quietly as he moved to embrace the woman.

"Don't–" Frank started.

"SHUT UP!" Nick yelled, glaring at the old man and stepping protectively between him, and Jeff and his grandmother.

"Come on, Nick," Ian said softly a few moments later, a hand on Nick's shoulder.

When Nick turned again Jeff had finished hugging his grandmother and was waiting by the door. As they left the house the elderly woman gave Nick a hostile glare.

Once outside, Nick quickly spied his dad's car parked at the end of the driveway behind the Sterlings' vehicle. As they approached it, Cathy scrambled out of the front passenger seat, wide eyed and visibly upset.

"Thank god!" she declared as she sprinted toward them and embraced Ian. "You've been gone for so long. I was about to call the police." After releasing her husband she turned her attention to Nick and Jeff.

"Jeff, when did you shave your..." Cathy trailed off and raised a hand to her mouth. Then she studied Nick more carefully too. "What happened to you two?"

"We'll talk about it on the way. We need to leave now," Ian answered, steering his wife back toward the car, Nick and Jeff following. "Will you drive, Cat? I'm kind of shaken up."

"Of course," Cathy said, opening the driver's side door.

Nick climbed into the backseat, never releasing Jeff's hand. Instead he slid over and tugged Jeff in after him. Then he wrapped his arms around Jeff and pulled him against his chest.

"Seatbelts guys," Ian said, turning around in his seat as Cathy started the car and began to back out.

"Dad, I wanna hold Jeff," Nick protested.

"Then one of you can sit in the middle seat with the seatbelt on," Ian answered.

Nick frowned, not wanting to readjust now that they were comfortable, and also suspecting that cuddling would be more difficult with the seatbelts on, but he nevertheless did as his dad had requested.

"We need to go to the hospital," Ian said a few moments later as he tapped at phone. "I'm looking it up."

"Hospital? Oh my god, what happened?!" Cathy asked again.

"Uh, sorry, but uh..." Jeff trailed off nervously.

"Yes, Jeff?" Ian asked, looking up from his phone.

Nick gave him a reassuring squeeze and urged him to continue. "Well, if we go to the hospital, w-won't there be a lot of questions? Plus, don't they need parental consent to treat me? And I think I'm fine anyway."

"Yeah, I'm fine too," Nick chimed in. The last thing he wanted to do was spend the next several hours in a hospital.

"Nick, I know for a fact you have a head injury. We're going to the hospital. Jeff, where are you hurt?"

"You have a head injury?!" Jeff exclaimed, turning in Nick's arms to look at him.

"Just a little one," Nick said with a shrug. He wasn't particularly keen to tell Jeff that it had been inflicted by his beloved grandmother.

Eventually it was decided that Nick would go to the hospital to get his head and shoulder checked out, but that Jeff wouldn't be seen by doctors since he assured everyone that his most significant injury was the black eye. He had a few shallow cuts and scrapes on his head as well as bruises on his arms, chest, and back, but hadn't received any major blows. Ian documented both boys' injuries with photographs, but agreed to hold off on calling the police until they could consult with a lawyer.

After what felt like an eternity, but was really only about an hour, a doctor finally saw Nick. She introduced herself as Doctor Gordon and invited Ian to join Nick in the exam room. Cathy and Jeff remained in the waiting room.

"How did the injuries occur?" Dr. Gordon asked as she examined Nick.

"Um, a frying pan fell on my head...and uh, another one fell on my shoulder." Nick inwardly groaned at his own lame excuse and kicked himself for not spending at least part of the last hour coming up with a believable story.

"My, that's quite unusual," Dr. Gordon remarked. "How did it happen?"

"I was, you know...by the stove, and uh there were a bunch of pots and pans on it, and then I bent down to tie my shoe and...somehow they fell all over me."

"He was involved in a fight, doctor," Ian said.

Nick frowned at him, but didn't deny it. He had a feeling Dr. Gordon hadn't quite bought his version of events anyway.

"I see. Mr. Duval, may I speak with you for a moment?" she asked nodding toward the door.

"Wh-why?" Nick asked, looking back and forth between the doctor and his dad.

"It's okay, buddy. I'll be right back," Ian answered, patting Nick's shoulder and following the doctor out of the room.

A few minutes later Dr. Gordon returned alone. She gave Nick a friendly smile and went to stand next to him.

"Your dad seems to really care about you," she remarked.

"Yep," Nick agreed with a nod. "Uh, where is he anyway?"

"I asked him to give us a few minutes."

"Why?" Nick asked again, his stomach clenching in anxiety. "Is this because I lied about the stove thing?"

"Partly," Dr. Gordon answered. "You know even parents who really love their kids sometimes lose their tempers and–"

"My dad would never hit me!" Nick exclaimed as he realized where she was going with this conversation. "He did _not_ do this to me."

Dr. Gordon nodded and smiled again. "Okay, I believe you. I actually assumed you were fighting with the other guy who was in the waiting room with you. I just needed to rule out parental abuse."

"That's my boyfriend, Jeff. I wouldn't..." Nick trailed off, hating the idea that she believed he and Jeff had fought with each other, but deciding it might be simpler. "I wouldn't want him to get in trouble."

Dr. Gordon seemed nonplussed for a few moments, but then she spoke. "Well, it would be up to your parents, and his, if any charges were filed. But Nick, you really shouldn't resolve your disputes with violence, especially if the person involved is your significant other. I get that you're both guys, but that doesn't make it okay to hit each other when you're angry."

"I'm sorry, it definitely won't happen again. I promise," Nick answered, once again feeling a heavy, unpleasant sensation in his chest at the way he and Jeff were being construed. "So uh, am I free to go?"

"Actually your dad requested a CT scan for your head. It looks like you have a mild concussion and we want to make sure it isn't anything more serious. Don't worry; it probably isn't. Your shoulder seems to be fine, just bruised, but we're going to do an X-ray to make sure."

The additional tests, and waiting for the results, ended up taking nearly another hour. By the time they got back in the car everyone was exhausted and it looked like they wouldn't even get home until after sunrise. There was talk of staying at a hotel instead, but ultimately Ian and Cathy decided to each drive half the distance.

By this point Nick and Jeff had filled Nick's dad and Cathy in on everything that had happened, and they had even had a chance to call Nick's mom and Maggie and get them caught up to speed as well. They were predictably freaked out and worried, but after Nick and Jeff had each had a chance to talk to them they calmed down. Nick was just texting Maggie and his mom the results of his CT and X-rays – it was a mild concussion and he didn't have any broken bones – when Jeff spoke up, making what must have been his hundredth apology of the night.

"I'm so sorry about all of this," Jeff said quietly, staring at his hands. "I endangered Nick and got him hurt. I ruined you guys' night. I cost everyone a lot of time and money and suffering...god I just...I'm so sorry."

"Jeff, none of this was your fault," Ian said for what must have also been the hundredth time.

Nick decided to take a different route at comforting Jeff this time and get out some of his own guilt in the process. "Yeah, it was my fault."

"What?!" Jeff, Ian, and Cathy all asked in unison.

"Well I like ionized your grandpa at dinner by getting all upset about his depository remarks," Nick explained as he replayed the events in his head.

"What did he say?" Cathy whispered to Ian.

"He antagonized the guy by being offended by his derogatory remarks," Ian translated.

"Yeah, plus what was happening when he walked in was sorta my fault too," Nick continued.

"What was happening?" Cathy asked innocently.

"Cat," Ian said significantly.

"Ohh!" Cathy exclaimed a moment later, covering her mouth and looking down.

"Nick, that wasn't your fault," Jeff said. "I'm glad you're the kind of person who can't keep quiet when someone is being prejudiced, and I was do-doing that other stuff too."

Nick couldn't see him well enough to be certain in the dark, but he was pretty sure Jeff was blushing. He wondered if the blush was spreading to his now-bare head.

"Look guys, neither one of you should blame yourself," Ian said. "Although there is one more thing I'd like to know, but it's kind of a delicate topic."

"We weren't havin' sex, dad. We were just makin' out and dry humping a lot," Nick said.

"That wasn't what I wanted to ask," Ian answered.

"Don't worry. We have condoms for when the time comes," Nick said.

"That wasn't it either."

"Oh well we–"

"Nick, please stop guessing and let him ask his question!" Jeff interrupted, covering Nick's mouth with his hand.

Ian chuckled. "Thank you, Jeff. What I wanted to know was why neither of you ever told me about the situation with your family."

"That was the first time anything like that's ever happened," Jeff answered softly.

"They always treated him bad though and his dad and brother have always been jerks to him," Nick added. Jeff gave him an annoyed frown.

"Why didn't you ever say anything, Jeff?" Ian asked.

Jeff shrugged and leaned his head into Nick's shoulder. "It wasn't a big deal."

"Jeff, the things they said, at least the ones they said in front of me, and what they did to you – that is a big deal. It's not okay for anyone to treat you like that, especially your family."

"His new family sure won't treat him like that, right dad?" Nick declared squeezing Jeff close and kissing the top of his head.

"Right!" Ian answered just as enthusiastically.

The family got home shortly after dawn on Saturday morning. Nick and Jeff quickly got cleaned up and went straight to bed. Nick had planned to hold Jeff until he fell asleep. He wanted to make sure that Jeff felt safe and loved and knew that nothing like that nightmarish night would ever happen to him again. Unfortunately almost as soon as his head hit the pillow he was fast asleep. He could only hope that Jeff joined him in dreamland right away too.

Nick was not pleased when his dad woke him up a couple of hours later to check on him, followed by Cathy a couple of hours after that, and then his dad again after that. He had hoped that they would either ignore or forget about that particular set of instructions from Dr. Gordon. By the time he and Jeff finally got up for good early Saturday afternoon, Nick felt like he had spent more time being woken up than actually sleeping.

When Jeff came back into the room that afternoon Nick realized that he had shaved off the few random patches of hair that his father and grandpa had missed. It was tough getting used to Jeff's radical new look, but Nick made it a point not to be awkward about it. He still held the back of Jeff's head when they kissed and still nuzzled his ear like he always had. He was unsurprised, however, when Jeff dug an old beanie out of his closet and asked if he could wear it.

"You guys ready to go to the mall?" Ian asked a little while later as he knocked on their open door.

"For new phones?!" Nick guessed enthusiastically, his face lighting up.

It hadn't even been twenty-four hours yet and he already felt like his arm was missing – if not his whole arm then at least the thing that was supposed to go at the end of it so he could text, play games, and browse the net.

"Yes, buddy for new phones," Ian answered with a smile of his own. "And whatever else Jeff needs."

"Let's get iPhones!" Nick said, clapping Jeff's shoulder and bouncing slightly. "Although I really like Seb's new Droid. You think we should do Droids instead?"

"I don't need a phone," Jeff said shaking his head.

"Of course you do. How could you not have a phone?" Nick demanded. "You couldn't text without a phone...Wouldn't your thumbs atrophy or something? Mine are already feeling a little twitchy."

"Jeff, unlikely hand disfigurement aside, you do need a phone," Ian said.

"But I don't want...I mean phone are expensive and...I don't want to take advantage or cost you a lot of money." Jeff sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at his feet.

"Listen pal," Ian said, taking a seat next to him and patting his back. "This is going to be a period of adjustment for everyone, but we're going to get through it. And I'm not saying we can buy you _anything_ you want, but you don't need to worry about any of the basics, or even any of the extras like phones and clothes, or next year's Dalton tuition. Nick's mom – who also wants to be involved by the way – does just fine financially and so do Cathy and I. Right now I'm a lot more concerned about your emotional well-being than anything else."

"I'm fine," Jeff insisted right away. It was a little too quick and too insistent for Nick's liking.

"Maybe we could go talk to one of Dalton's guidance councilors Monday," Nick suggested as he sat down next to him and took his hand.

"I don't–" Jeff started.

Nick squeezed his hand and cut him off. "I kinda feel like I need to talk to someone about what happened. Would you come with me please, Jeffy?"

"Okay," Jeff agreed quietly. Ian smiled and nodded at Nick over Jeff's shoulder.

With that settled, they went phone shopping. Jeff insisted that he didn't need anything besides a phone since he hadn't lost all that much except a few sets of clothes and some toiletries. Nick knew that he probably had some other random odds and ends in his bags, but he backed Jeff up that he really did have lots of clothes still at Dalton.

After they left the mall they went to dinner. Then Nick and Jeff spent the rest of the evening cuddled up watching movies in Nick's bed. On several occasions throughout the evening, Nick tried to talk about everything that had happened during their visit from hell, but now that Jeff had quit constantly apologizing he was reluctant to discuss it at all. He listened attentively to everything Nick had to say, but he wouldn't speak beyond one- or two-word phrases when Nick tried to get him to open up.

Nick couldn't understand how Jeff could be so unemotional about what had happened. Nick knew that their situations were completely different, but he couldn't even begin to imagine how he himself would have felt if he had just lost his entire family, especially after such a traumatic series of events. Eventually Nick gave up on pressing the issue anymore that night, worried that he might be doing more harm than good by needlessly stressing Jeff out.

The next day they slept late again and lounged around the house until early evening. Then Ian drove them back to Dalton so that they would be ready for classes on Monday. He gave them the option of staying a couple of more days at the house, and even said they should skip classes if they weren't up to it, but both boys insisted that they were okay and wanted to get back into their routine.

Nick was also hoping that by getting out and going to class the next day, Jeff would feel better and would also be more inclined to talk to the guidance councilor. He didn't doubt that Jeff would actually go with him since he had agreed that he would, but he was worried that Jeff might sit there like a statue. Nick reasoned that if Jeff had a normal Monday and was forced to interact with other people all day, he might just keep going with it once they got to the guidance councilor.

As Ian dropped them off in front of their residence hall he reminded them that he would be looking for a lawyer the next day to consult with regarding the situation with Jeff's parents. Then he told them both that he loved them and drove away.

Nick wrapped his arm around Jeff's shoulders as they walked into the building. Jeff stiffened and looked around nervously.

"It's okay, Jeffy. Just a friendly gesture," Nick whispered as he pressed the button for the elevator. Then he added with a laugh, "Besides people think I'm dating Sebastian anyway."

"Oh great. So they'll realize I'm gay _and_ think I'm a cheater," Jeff remarked with a small smirk, letting Nick know that he was kidding.

They continued laughing and joking around until they got to their room. Nick was thrilled. Jeff really did seem almost completely back to normal now that they were back on campus.

"Let's play some _Call of Duty_ and then watch _Transformers_," Nick suggested as he unlocked the door and pushed it open for Jeff.

"Sounds good we can..."

Nick crashed into Jeff as the other teen stopped walking as abruptly as he'd stopped talking.

"Mom?" Jeff said, his voice already cracking with emotion.

Nick stepped into the room behind Jeff, his eyes wide with surprise. Sure enough there was Susan Sterling, sitting on Jeff's bed with her hands folded demurely in her lap.

"Campus security let me in," Susan explained, inclining her head toward one of the security patrol officers whom Nick recognized as vaguely familiar looking. The tall, muscular man was occupying the seat in front of Nick's desk, looking distinctly uncomfortable. Susan continued before Nick had a chance to ponder whether that meant that he needed a new desk chair or if the man might have known something that they didn't.

"You can use the restroom if you'd like, but then we really need to get going. We have a long drive ahead of us," Susan said.

"What are you talking about?" Jeff asked. "Does dad know you're here? Wait, is dad here?"

Jeff peered around the room carefully and Nick found himself doing the same. Mark Sterling was hardly the type of man who could hide in small spaces, but Nick wasn't going to take any chances. If Mark were lurking somewhere, Nick wanted to know about sooner rather than later.

"Your father isn't here, and yes, he knows I am. He's not happy about it, but that's his problem."

Nick looked incredulously at Jeff's mother. Where was that attitude when the guy had been tormenting Jeff for all these years? Or more recently, for those few terrible hours on Friday night?

"I knew," Susan said quietly, staring at her hands.

"Kn-knew?" Jeff asked, his voice faltering as he slowly approached his mother.

"About..." Susan looked up and waved her hand between Nick and Jeff. "About you. That's why I asked you to invite Nick this weekend."

"Why? I-I don't understand," Jeff said, slowly taking a seat at his desk and turning the chair to face his mother.

"I knew your grandpa would be able to tell for sure. After dinner I knew that he was suspicious. That's why when your father tried to get you to bunk with John, I insisted you share with Nick instead."

"So you set us up?!" Nick shouted. "You got us both beaten! You got me locked in a closet, and you got Jeff shaved and tied to a tub! What the hell kind of mother are you?"

"I called your father to come and get you didn't I?" Susan answered defensively, before returning her attention to her son.

"I'm not giving up on you, Jeff. Not like your dad. This disgusting _thing_ perverted you," Susan said, scrunching her pretty face in contempt and waving at Nick as though he were a fly buzzing around her lunch.

"But there's still hope," she continued. "It's not too late for you. You can be fixed."

"Mom, I-I'm h-happy with N-nick," Jeff stammered. Nick could tell that he was close to tears, and he cursed the fact that the emotional stonewalling that Jeff so adeptly used with most of his family never seemed to apply to his mother.

"Don't say that!" Susan exclaimed, her voice sharp and angry. "I'm going to save you, son. Thousands of confused young men and woman just like you have been through this, and they've gone on to lead healthy, normal lives."

She rose to her feet and looked at Jeff expectantly. "Now get up; we're leaving."

"You're not taking him anywhere!" Nick yelled, jumping up and wedging himself protectively into the small space between Jeff and his mother. "He doesn't need _fixing_. He's perfect and amazing the way he is. Way better than you or any of your rotten family deserve."

"Mr. Sherman, could you please control this boy?" Susan requested, smiling sweetly at the security guard.

"I'm sorry, kid, but you need to stand down," the large man said as he placed a heavy hand on Nick's injured shoulder.

"You can't let her take him!" Nick shouted. "You're _our_ security guard and she's basically kidnapping him."

"I'm his mother," Susan taunted, smirking at Nick "It's impossible for me to kidnap him. If anything your father is the one who kidnap him." She turned her attention back to her son. "And, Jeff, I will press charges against Mr. Duval for that, unless you cooperate."

Jeff sniffled and stood up, betraying the fact that he was crying to himself. Nick's heart ached and he placed a soothing hand on Jeff's arm, only to have it pulled away a moment later by Mr. Sherman. Susan wrapped her own fingers around Jeff's arm and started leading him to the door.

"WAIT!" Nick screamed trying unsuccessfully to wrench himself loose from Mr. Sherman's strong grasp. "If you leave with him, my dad will have you arrested for assault _and_ get Jeff taken away from you for child abuse."

Susan laughed. "That'll be a neat trick considering I specifically avoided going anywhere near either you or my son while the assault was going on. I didn't even _see_ it."

"Your husband will go to jail!" Nick threatened, his heart pounding and his hands clenched in fists.

"Only if I'm lucky," Susan answered with an impish grin as she opened the door.

"Bye Nick," Jeff said quietly, tears streaming down his face as his mother yanked him from the room. "I love you."

**-000-**

**End Note: Yikes! Sorry everyone, but yeah, another downer sort of chapter ending. There's still more to go with this story arc, and everything won't immediately be okay again, but I do promise that things will start to look up and also that I won't be leaving you with anymore surprise evil cliffhangers for the next several chapters. As always, reviews and feedback on this chapter are greatly appreciated and may inspire me to write a bit more quickly. **

**Two other pieces of news I wanted to share. First, I recently learned about the upcoming Jyder week! It's June 24th – June 30th, and considering that Jyder is one of my favorite new addictions I'm eagerly looking forward to participating. I'll be posting my stories here on FF for it. I hope you'll check them out if you get a chance.**

**Second, speaking of things I hope you'll check out, my good friend jlbassmaster is about to launch a brand new multi-chapter AU Sory (Sam/Rory) fic. It's inspired and heavily influenced by _True Blood_. I had the privilege of working on some of the betas for it, and just WOW! If you like Sory, _True Blood_, or simply action-packed, exciting plots, then you won't want to miss this one! Look for it to be released on Sunday, June 16th, the same night as the _True Blood_ season premiere. **


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